Hmm... intresting weekend.. many things learned.. maybe God will use this to speak to you also!
So my weekend was amazing... and I know I haven't written in this for a really long time, and part of it is just because I haven't had the time to write in this thing. But this weekend was almost life changing. Well I hope that it will end up being a life-changing weekend. Because I have learned so much and I just really hope that I stick to it and don't allow myself to fall into old patterns that I tend to fall in to. But here is the weekend / the things that I have learned...
When I left "the bubble" (Eugene Bible College) of Friday, I was a little annoyed and ready to be home, but my mood changed quickly when we got on the road. Wait let me stop there for a second... I went home this weekend to take some friends of mine riding; these friends were Justus (who is from Bend and CLC also), Kay (she is from Spokane) and Seth (he is from South Carolina). Okay back to my story... Getting back into Bend on Friday night I went to bed at my house pretty quick with Kay there also.
Saturday, Kay and I woke up fairly early, at least for a Saturday and hung out downtown for a few hours. It was sooo nice to have nothing to do but walk around and hang out at coffee places; chit chatting and seeing people that I haven't seen for a long time. For example I saw my boss out at Pronghorn and got to talk to him for a bit about probably not coming back next summer, because I MAY be moving to Wyoming.
We then (the four of us) headed out to go riding in the afternoon. Riding was amazing; I miss doing that everyday SOOOOO much!! Of course riding Libby just gives me joy and puts me in a better mood no matter what she is like. People just don't understand how much riding a horse effects me, and HOW MUCH I MISS IT!!!!!! Yesterday, Libby gave me just a bit of a rodeo; not one to buck me off or anything, but just because she was excited and happy to be out and about; being ridden. I really needed that ride. It cleared my head up and helped remind me that I can keep going.
After riding we then all went home to my house and my mom had made an amazing dinner. Steak, potatoes, salad, asparagus with cheese sauce, and ice cream / 7-layer bars for desert! It was AMAZING!! As we sat there after dinner, we began discussing theological matters. Kay and Justus ended up going in to the other room and sleeping, leaving my mom, Seth and I to discuss thins about life, knowledge, God and even the simplicity of life.
I began to realize how many things I have and how much I used to love living a simple life and how far away I have gone from that lifestyle. My life, I feel, has to be busy and full of many things. I realized that I need to take a step back and go back to just spending time with the Lord and enjoying the creation he has made.
As I began to think about that, it made me start thinking about the Ranch and how much I miss working there. How working there at the Ranch is the only place that I am really happy. I know that, that is my calling and I want to own a youth ranch at some point in my life. I want to serve God in that way. But it just reminded me of how much I truly miss it. Have you ever gone and done something or just heard someone play an instrument and know that someday you will play or you will do that. Well the first time I realized what the Ranch did and how much it helped people, I knew in my heart that I was called to do that same thing or something similar to it. I have never felt so much peace, joy and also knowing I am making a difference in people's lives then I did working and being there. If you would like to know more about this Ranch, ask me and I will tell you more. This entry isn't about the ranch though. Maybe some other time!
Anyways back to my weekend, we ended up gong back to Justus' house and doing homework, a little more theological discussion and then we watched Lion King. That movie really has some good points in it. The fact of not living in the past and getting over what we have done or things that have been done/ you can't do anything about what’s been done but you can and sometimes have the responsibility to change the future. Raise the Lord for that!
Sunday I went to church, at CLC and listen to P. Dan speak about John 3:16, it was amazing. It went into detail about what each word meant and about why the writer must have picked it. He talked about love and what real love is, and many other things. I might write another journal entry about it another time. At the end of that sermon I went up and was prayed over by one of the people who do alter call. She prayed for a renewed passion and a burning fire for God in me. She prayed that the plugs in my life would break off and I would have a better understand of God. She anointed me with oil, and I left feeling so much better.
One of the things that I learned Sunday was that life isn't about people. Yet so many (well all of us in ways) are selfish. I got so upset at just about everyone in Bend that day. I realized how selfish we are and how life is all about us; even people in the church and those who attend EBC. I was frustrated with people because I could see that the way they acted showed they weren't really caring about the way others felt, they just wanted it the way they wanted it... or they didn't care to share, so many example of this was shown while I was in Bend. Throughout the day I just saw how much people have and yet they still want more for themselves. Why do we spend so much money on things that we don't matter? There are people starving in the world and yet we are mad at our parents (this is not a true example of what happened this weekend) for not buying us that dress we wanted for 200 dollars (of which I believe I have probably done myself), or that we can't have the biggest best truck. Really how happy would we be when we get that truck? How long until we want the newest, biggest version? We don't need all the crap we have.
I realized that I too have fallen into the trap of wanted more and more; I am not satisfied with all that the Lord has given me. The ting is I am not a very selfish person. And I am not trying to sound conceded when I say that AT ALL! I have always grown up learning to put other people first before myself. Yet, in the last few months I have fallen into just thinking a out myself, and what I think I need and I want in life. I am not trying to say that before the last few months I am not selfish; because I am, in many ways. What I am saying is that I have always learned how to put people ahead of myself, and it just comes more naturally to me then to others because I have always been taught that. We all struggle in different ways and yes I do struggle in this but it just is easy for me to give. As I am sure that it is for other people reading this... I just really don't want people to get the wrong impression of me and think that I am trying to glorify myself in writing this. I am not. I have failed in this and I will keep failing in this many, many times in my life. Anyways in the last few months, I have become annoyed with people disregarding me, or annoyed if I have to listen to people speak about their problems. I have become annoyed when people ask to use my car or other things of mine. I have become so much more self-centered. So ask I got mad and annoyed at people this weekend, thinking about them, I became so convicted on the way I have been acting.
This of course led to other things to think about and other areas of conviction in my life. For instance, along with feeling convicted about being self-centered. I realized that I haven't been to good with the way that I talk to people. There are certain people that are in my life tat are very sarcastic and playfully mean to people. There are many of those people in my life, and I am one of them sometimes. And although many thoughts go through my head, I usually am very good about keeping those tings in my head, and to myself not saying them. But as I have been around more and more people that are like that, I have noticed that I have began to slip in those ways. It has become easier not to keep those thoughts in my head and just say them; even if I do keep them in my head, I sit and laugh as other people say things, not sticking up for the person being made fun of.
Now don’t' think that what I am talking about is the whole bullying and being horrible to people because it isn't... well not on the outside. Just making fun saying sarcastic comments about people to make people laugh is what I am talking about. Yes it might make people laugh, it might even make that person laugh... but in all reality the only think that putting other people down does is bring yourself up. (i.e. the selfish part that I wrote about earlier.) It doesn't do anyone good, and it is such a selfish tendency. All it does is hurt people... maybe you can't see it but that is what most of it does. It is a self-glorifying thing to do. Yeah I know that sounds really blunt and mean but it is true. Even if you don't mean to bring yourself up in making sarcastic remarks at people when you say those kinds of things all it does is show how smart and how witty YOU are and how stupid that person is. I got convicted of that, and I am sorry to those people that I have done that too this weekend… and all the time.
The other thing that I learned and the Lord reminded me is that life again isn't about ME and MY wants. No, it is about God. It’s not about me and what I want, which brought me to think about Wyoming. I have decided that I need to pray about it more. I realized that even though Wyoming would be an amazing experience and could be a once in a lifetime experience that life isn't about ME and what I experience. It is about what God wants me to do. In this world now a days you are told to do as much as you can because you only live once. Travel, see the world, experience things, mostly when you are young... there is nothing wrong with this besides that it leaves out God and the focus is on YOU and what YOU want to do and experience. Yes I would love to move around, I would love to see the world, travel, go places and do things. But if I don't I need to be content with that. I need to do what God has called me to do even if that means not going to Wyoming and coming back to Bend or if it means giving up Bend and moving to Wyoming. If I miss this experience that is okay, I am sure that I will have plenty much cooler ones when I am up in heaven with the Lord.
I think sometimes we focus too much on the here and now, do as much as we can. We have so many plans, so many things that we want to do... I have so many things that I want to do. We will have plenty of those times and better times in heaven with Jesus. This life is the short one, and I want to live it to the fullest... but not for myself but for God; even if that means giving up things. And when I say things, I do mean the whole experiences but I also mean habits, physical things, home... God could ask for anything.
Anyways now that I have written as one person said a novel... haha I think I am done. Yeah there are a few more things I learned while in Bend, like to wait on God for certain thing and people; to trust him even when I don't see changes; too keep praying!! I learned that some things aren't for now, and that even though there are things I am attracted to, God has better. I even came to the conclusion... because of about everyone I have been talking to lately, that I do need to learn how to talk to people... and that I probably should go and get some counseling!
Anyways God bless, and if you have any questions or comments please comment!! I will answer questions or comment back to you. God Bless everyone.