Birthday weekend... full of thinking about the past and the future.
So you even get in a situation where you remember what has happened in the past. You know.. like you miss doing something. This weekend was full of that.
First I went to Crystal Peaks and thought about how much I miss working there. We reminced and laughed about old stories and the stupid things that we had done at that age. Times of hiking in the mountains. Doing random stupid things we were dared just for a little coffee. (ie Portland and a window...) Beach trips with just the girls.. BA shots and giant crabs bitting toes. Beach trips with lots of friends and intresting horse stories. Good times endurance racing and pigging out on food. Spoons with the girls and the pond later that night. Live cow, dead cow, sleeping cow... poop toss. Training horses and being bucked off. Just being with a horse on its back in the amazing mountains seeing Gods beauty. I wanted so much to go back and just re-live some of that.
Then I laughed and talked about times in Mexico, and I thought about how much I have missed not going on that every year. I want so much to head back south in the vans filled with the old kids I hung out with. Just hanging out with boys and girls laughing and doing weird crazy thing. Having spitting conests with Claire at the church in LA that we stayed at. Driving up and down the hills of mexico praying that it doesn't rain because we wouldn't be able to get out. Telling the freshmen that tacos are made out of dog meat. Then seeing a dog in a wheel barrel adn the man walking back with him to his taco stand. Bucket showers and toilets in a chicken coop. Building a house in three days. Working our butts off mixing concret and having stucko fights. Coming back to camp exausted and blistered up from working so hard. Little Mexican kids saying "ba·bu·cha" over and over and over again. Not stopping till you actually pick them up and give them a piggy back which is what they wanted. Playing footbal with them. Realizing that life isn't about making the most money but enjoying times like these, and spreading the Lords love to everyone. Coming home blessed and knowing that you are not that bad off. Taking a shower, a real, warm (bucket showers are SO cold. You just grab a milk jug and dip it in big barrels of water then poor it on you) shower at the YMCA. Getting dressed up and going out to eat, date night. Disneyland and just enjoying ourselves after 4 long days of work. heading home with new and exciting memories. I miss those years and would love to re-live them.
Then today I visited a old friend of mine, who's son was my ex-boyfriend. A time in my life where that was really fun. Times when the house was just packed full of people and hanging out. Practically 10 to 15 people there all the time. Spending the night, practically living there. Movie night on Fridays where we would set up the big projector. Hot tubing and finding random things to do. Learning to snowboard, making new friends, dances and road trips. Falling in love that summer, and thinking that maybe it would be forever, then breaking up in the spring. Times that I would love to go back to and re-live, sometimes. Seeing him today was weird. Haven't really talked or seen him for a really long time. I did love him and I gave him part of my heart. And it hurt to see him the way he is now. I will keep praying for him and maybe someday he will understand the love that the Lord has for him. I will keep praying that the Lord will fill the piece that I gave him long ago. The piece that I realized today he still has. Part of me still wonders what could happen, part of me wants to try again. I have to keep reminding myself that the Lord has better. The Lord knows!
I don't think that you will ever read this but just in case you ever do. I am sorry for anytime that I hurt you, for the times that I played with your heart and played games. I am sorry for all that I put you through. I know that the Lord loves you even though you don't believe it. I know that he has a plan for you and no matter what you do he will always take you back. Maybe someday we can be friends again; someday that would be nice. You are an amazing guy.. and I believe that you can. You can go without a girlfriend, you can finish your schooling, you can have a future, you can get right with the Lord. It is not to late! Someday I know you will get right with God... someday I know you will get your life together. And someday I know you will find an amazing girl who loves you and you love her! Until that time I will keep praying for you. Love you! Kelsie
This was my birthday weekend. Reminiscing about past times, and looking to the future. Realizing that there will be more change and that its okay. That even though giving up my horse seems crazy to me, if I do it the Lord is going to bless me. He has different plans for me as of right now. I know that horses will be part of my life sometime again, but not right now. Traveling and going by myself, just me and God. Learning how to just reley on him. Changes are hard... but they are good. Its fun to think about the past but not to dwell on it, or I will miss what is going on and what the Lord wants me to experience now. The past is the past and its time to look at tonight, and tomorrow!
A quote of the day... "I don't need a boyfriend Kelsie is the best spooner. You are going to teach my husband how to spoon." - Maria. I LOVE YOU GIRLS!!