"Thin"
I'm not really sure why, but I bought the HBO documentary "Thin," and the book about it as well. I've seen the film before, and it's pretty sad, but I guess I like sad films. "Girl, Interrupted" is my favorite movie, so that might say something about me.
"Thin" follows four young women, ages 15-30, in Renfrew Center, an eating disorder clinic.
I myself have never been diagnosed with any sort of ED, but I definitely have had my "bouts" with anorexia. I would go through months of counting calories and trying my damnest to eat less than 1,000/day, then run on the treadmill until I had burned at least half of the calories I had eaten.
But then after a couple of months, I'd say fuck it and go back to eating normally. My BMI is 21.9 - in the "normal" weight category. I would like to lose about 10-15lbs, which would put my BMI at 19.1-19.9, which is still in the "normal" category.
Yet something about me doesn't want to be considered normal. The fucked up side of me wants to be in the "underweight" category.
Everyone I know tells me that I am "beautiful" and "skinny," yet when I look in the mirror, all I see is FAT FAT FAT.
I'd love to lose weight in a healthy manner, but I'm SO fucking lazy and I despise exercising; not eating just seems...easier. But when I get those horrific stomach cramps and the extreme dizziness, there's nothing easy about it at all. After a while the cramps pass, but still, deep down I know it's not the way to go.
I am so fucking stressed and depressed.
I have to write a 6-page paper, make a creative project (which I love doing, but I have no idea wtf to do it on), and somehow find 11 more hours of community service to do - all in about 2 weeks.
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO START MY FUCKING PAPER BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT "THEME" I WANT TO FOCUS IT ON, AND MY PROFESSOR ISN'T BEING HELPFUL AT ALL! She's a fucking awesome teacher, but I am having SUCH a hard time with this. If I can't even write 6 pages, how am I supposed to write 30 pages next semester for my senior seminar?!?!
As far as the community service is concerned, it's for my Violence Against Women class. I've already completed about half of it by working with a Girl Scout troop and teaching them the "Choose Respect" program (it's about dating violence, but I had to alter it to healthy friendships because the girls were too young).
Next week I'll be going to the YWCA (a battered womens' shelter) and watching the kids in the daycare, but that will only add 2-3 hours to my sheet, and I need a total of 20.
I really need to try to start my paper. Like right now. I know that once I start it, I will (hopefully) have an easier time writing it.
GOD I am so stressed out.
And Winter Break won't be a break at all seeing as how I will be working every day in a retail job where customers get fucking CRAZY.
"Thin" follows four young women, ages 15-30, in Renfrew Center, an eating disorder clinic.
I myself have never been diagnosed with any sort of ED, but I definitely have had my "bouts" with anorexia. I would go through months of counting calories and trying my damnest to eat less than 1,000/day, then run on the treadmill until I had burned at least half of the calories I had eaten.
But then after a couple of months, I'd say fuck it and go back to eating normally. My BMI is 21.9 - in the "normal" weight category. I would like to lose about 10-15lbs, which would put my BMI at 19.1-19.9, which is still in the "normal" category.
Yet something about me doesn't want to be considered normal. The fucked up side of me wants to be in the "underweight" category.
Everyone I know tells me that I am "beautiful" and "skinny," yet when I look in the mirror, all I see is FAT FAT FAT.
I'd love to lose weight in a healthy manner, but I'm SO fucking lazy and I despise exercising; not eating just seems...easier. But when I get those horrific stomach cramps and the extreme dizziness, there's nothing easy about it at all. After a while the cramps pass, but still, deep down I know it's not the way to go.
I am so fucking stressed and depressed.
I have to write a 6-page paper, make a creative project (which I love doing, but I have no idea wtf to do it on), and somehow find 11 more hours of community service to do - all in about 2 weeks.
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO START MY FUCKING PAPER BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT "THEME" I WANT TO FOCUS IT ON, AND MY PROFESSOR ISN'T BEING HELPFUL AT ALL! She's a fucking awesome teacher, but I am having SUCH a hard time with this. If I can't even write 6 pages, how am I supposed to write 30 pages next semester for my senior seminar?!?!
As far as the community service is concerned, it's for my Violence Against Women class. I've already completed about half of it by working with a Girl Scout troop and teaching them the "Choose Respect" program (it's about dating violence, but I had to alter it to healthy friendships because the girls were too young).
Next week I'll be going to the YWCA (a battered womens' shelter) and watching the kids in the daycare, but that will only add 2-3 hours to my sheet, and I need a total of 20.
I really need to try to start my paper. Like right now. I know that once I start it, I will (hopefully) have an easier time writing it.
GOD I am so stressed out.
And Winter Break won't be a break at all seeing as how I will be working every day in a retail job where customers get fucking CRAZY.