Second Chances Part 12
Disclaimers in Part 1.
A thunderous explosion towards the front of the apartment.
John came awake instantly, rolled off the mattress, clawed underneath the bedframe for the weaponry stored there. He hauled out what Chaz called the “holy shotgun” - a tommy-gun-shaped contraption loaded with dragon’s breath and sanctified bullets - and sprinted for the other room -
--- skidding to a stop at the sight of a very naked Sebastian confronting a very surprised angel.
At the sight of a naked and gun-toting John, Chaz’ jaw dropped even further towards the floor.
John diplomatically lowered his oversize weapon down in front of his crotch, and decided, as he usually did, that the best defense was a good offense.
“Chaz,” said Constantine, “what the hell is this? You become an angel, you forget how to knock?”
“Oh, he knocked,” said Sebastian, indicating the mangled door. “Once.”
Chaz blurted, “They were saying that you’d gotten whacked on Hellplane and Balthazar -“
Sebastian shook his head and walked towards the bathroom, clapping John on the shoulder as he passed by. “I’ll let you two straighten this out.”
“Wait here,” said John to the kid. He made a hasty retreat back the bedroom, pulled on jeans and a t-shirt, and returned to where Chaz was still standing rooted to the floor.
The kid looked like he might faint, angel or no. John steered him to a seat at the dining table.
“You want to explain this again?” John asked. He didn’t really give a shit about the door, but demanding an accounting would keep Chaz off balance for a few more minutes. And keep himself, John, from thinking about - what he didn’t want to think about, much less talk to Chaz about.
“Me explain? Me? What - Ok,” Chaz backed down at John’s look. “I’ve been out of town doing, well, angel stuff. You probably noticed I haven’t been around.”
“Not really,” John said, then acquiesced when Chaz flipped him the bird. “Yeah, of course I noticed, you weren’t checking in on me every few days like you usually do. Midnite told me you were off taking care of business.”
“I just got back, and I went to Midnite’s, and there was a group of them talking, said you’d had a near miss on Hellplane, that you’d gotten injured, and that Balthazar was back. I guess I kind of overreacted.”
“Yeah, I’d say so,” said John. “Who’s going to pay to replace that door, Chaz?”
Chaz looked apologetic. “You know our side doesn’t deal in money, John. I’m really sorry.”
John rolled his eyes. “Yeah, it’s noble when your team won’t deign to touch filthy lucre, but for those of us still living here on the human plane, we need money for things like busted doors. That’s a triple-deadbolt steel panel door, Chaz, and you tore it right through the frame. Not that I’m not impressed, but it’s going to cost me a fortune.”
“I’ve got something that’ll help with that,” said Sebastian, reappearing from the bathroom, looking like something from a men’s fashion magazine: well rested, clean shaven, neatly dressed, wet hair smoothed in Balthazar’s standard slickback.
John became acutely aware of his own rumpled state, flashing back to his own gangly and insecure teenaged self, so inadequate when matched against Balthazar’s adult sophistication.
Oh, fuck it - it was his apartment, after all. He didn’t have to dress up for company. Chaz was more family than company anyway. John slumped back in his chair and crossed his arms.
Sebastian took a piece of paper out of his jeans pocket and put it on the table.
John picked it up: a check made out to John Constantine, in the amount of --
“This is for half a million dollars,” said John.
Chaz grabbed the check out of his hand and looked at it.
“Yeah, I know,” said Sebastian, who had opened the refrigerator and was peering inside. “Shit, Johnny, there’s nothing in here that’s remotely edible. It’s like a toxic waste dump.”
“I can’t believe it. I’ve never touched this much money in my life,” said Chaz.
“Addictive, isn’t it?” smirked Sebastian. “And don’t go all moral on me -- they won’t miss it.” Sebastian sniffed at a carton of milk, put it back. “Real estate developer. He probably spends more than that on hookers every year. By the way, fainting turned out to be a good move, Constantine. You’d saved the kid, I’d saved you from getting knifed by the wife, you were sprawled out bleeding all over their white wool Berber carpet. I did my part by carrying you out in your pieta pose and suggesting to the father that he take out his wallet and think about what his boy and wife were worth to him. He couldn’t write the check fast enough.”
Empty-handed, Sebastian closed the refrigerator door. “All the same, I’d suggest you get it deposited right away.”
Chaz reverently placed the check back on the table.
Noticing Sebastian looking with jaundiced eye at the battered coffeepot, Chaz offered, “I can make coffee.”
“No thanks, I’ll pass,” said Sebastian dryly. “I’ve got to see Midnite. I’ll get an espresso from the kitchen there.”
John said, “Midnite?”
“I didn’t show up for work yesterday evening, remember?” said Sebastian. “I have to find out if I still have a job. And just when I’d almost convinced him to let me work bar. He’d make a helluva lot more money with me handling the liquor end of the operation.”
Sebastian left through the shattered doorway without a backwards glance.
Chaz said, “John, I know it’s none of my business -“
“You’re right, Chaz, it’s none of your business. So shut up.”
“It’s just that I always kind of wondered about you guys, you know? He’s the only demon that I ever saw you get really bent out of shape over.”
“Just drop it.”
Chaz picked at the table moodily. “At least you can still have sex. I can’t even get interested anymore. It’s like you get the wings and you lose the other. And I died young, John. I mean, I had gotten some, but not anywhere near -“
“Chaz,” John interrupted, “I really don’t want to hear about this. Shut up and make me coffee. I’m going to take a shower.”
A thunderous explosion towards the front of the apartment.
John came awake instantly, rolled off the mattress, clawed underneath the bedframe for the weaponry stored there. He hauled out what Chaz called the “holy shotgun” - a tommy-gun-shaped contraption loaded with dragon’s breath and sanctified bullets - and sprinted for the other room -
--- skidding to a stop at the sight of a very naked Sebastian confronting a very surprised angel.
At the sight of a naked and gun-toting John, Chaz’ jaw dropped even further towards the floor.
John diplomatically lowered his oversize weapon down in front of his crotch, and decided, as he usually did, that the best defense was a good offense.
“Chaz,” said Constantine, “what the hell is this? You become an angel, you forget how to knock?”
“Oh, he knocked,” said Sebastian, indicating the mangled door. “Once.”
Chaz blurted, “They were saying that you’d gotten whacked on Hellplane and Balthazar -“
Sebastian shook his head and walked towards the bathroom, clapping John on the shoulder as he passed by. “I’ll let you two straighten this out.”
“Wait here,” said John to the kid. He made a hasty retreat back the bedroom, pulled on jeans and a t-shirt, and returned to where Chaz was still standing rooted to the floor.
The kid looked like he might faint, angel or no. John steered him to a seat at the dining table.
“You want to explain this again?” John asked. He didn’t really give a shit about the door, but demanding an accounting would keep Chaz off balance for a few more minutes. And keep himself, John, from thinking about - what he didn’t want to think about, much less talk to Chaz about.
“Me explain? Me? What - Ok,” Chaz backed down at John’s look. “I’ve been out of town doing, well, angel stuff. You probably noticed I haven’t been around.”
“Not really,” John said, then acquiesced when Chaz flipped him the bird. “Yeah, of course I noticed, you weren’t checking in on me every few days like you usually do. Midnite told me you were off taking care of business.”
“I just got back, and I went to Midnite’s, and there was a group of them talking, said you’d had a near miss on Hellplane, that you’d gotten injured, and that Balthazar was back. I guess I kind of overreacted.”
“Yeah, I’d say so,” said John. “Who’s going to pay to replace that door, Chaz?”
Chaz looked apologetic. “You know our side doesn’t deal in money, John. I’m really sorry.”
John rolled his eyes. “Yeah, it’s noble when your team won’t deign to touch filthy lucre, but for those of us still living here on the human plane, we need money for things like busted doors. That’s a triple-deadbolt steel panel door, Chaz, and you tore it right through the frame. Not that I’m not impressed, but it’s going to cost me a fortune.”
“I’ve got something that’ll help with that,” said Sebastian, reappearing from the bathroom, looking like something from a men’s fashion magazine: well rested, clean shaven, neatly dressed, wet hair smoothed in Balthazar’s standard slickback.
John became acutely aware of his own rumpled state, flashing back to his own gangly and insecure teenaged self, so inadequate when matched against Balthazar’s adult sophistication.
Oh, fuck it - it was his apartment, after all. He didn’t have to dress up for company. Chaz was more family than company anyway. John slumped back in his chair and crossed his arms.
Sebastian took a piece of paper out of his jeans pocket and put it on the table.
John picked it up: a check made out to John Constantine, in the amount of --
“This is for half a million dollars,” said John.
Chaz grabbed the check out of his hand and looked at it.
“Yeah, I know,” said Sebastian, who had opened the refrigerator and was peering inside. “Shit, Johnny, there’s nothing in here that’s remotely edible. It’s like a toxic waste dump.”
“I can’t believe it. I’ve never touched this much money in my life,” said Chaz.
“Addictive, isn’t it?” smirked Sebastian. “And don’t go all moral on me -- they won’t miss it.” Sebastian sniffed at a carton of milk, put it back. “Real estate developer. He probably spends more than that on hookers every year. By the way, fainting turned out to be a good move, Constantine. You’d saved the kid, I’d saved you from getting knifed by the wife, you were sprawled out bleeding all over their white wool Berber carpet. I did my part by carrying you out in your pieta pose and suggesting to the father that he take out his wallet and think about what his boy and wife were worth to him. He couldn’t write the check fast enough.”
Empty-handed, Sebastian closed the refrigerator door. “All the same, I’d suggest you get it deposited right away.”
Chaz reverently placed the check back on the table.
Noticing Sebastian looking with jaundiced eye at the battered coffeepot, Chaz offered, “I can make coffee.”
“No thanks, I’ll pass,” said Sebastian dryly. “I’ve got to see Midnite. I’ll get an espresso from the kitchen there.”
John said, “Midnite?”
“I didn’t show up for work yesterday evening, remember?” said Sebastian. “I have to find out if I still have a job. And just when I’d almost convinced him to let me work bar. He’d make a helluva lot more money with me handling the liquor end of the operation.”
Sebastian left through the shattered doorway without a backwards glance.
Chaz said, “John, I know it’s none of my business -“
“You’re right, Chaz, it’s none of your business. So shut up.”
“It’s just that I always kind of wondered about you guys, you know? He’s the only demon that I ever saw you get really bent out of shape over.”
“Just drop it.”
Chaz picked at the table moodily. “At least you can still have sex. I can’t even get interested anymore. It’s like you get the wings and you lose the other. And I died young, John. I mean, I had gotten some, but not anywhere near -“
“Chaz,” John interrupted, “I really don’t want to hear about this. Shut up and make me coffee. I’m going to take a shower.”