Pretty faces, Sad Places, Sharp Turns, and Turning Roads
Note: This is originally was a response to the post in David's LJ by the same name. It ended up exceeding the maximum of 4300 characters and hit 6206. That's 1 and 3/4 single-spaced pages in 12 point Times New Roman. That being the case, instead of posting it in two spaces there, I decided to post it here, since it is of worthy length and may receive more traffic. If you haven't read David's entry first, this one won't make much sense, so read it first.. here: http://www.livejournal.com/users/bladestogether/6373.html
I agree with you on some points, but I have to disagree on others. As far as the high-road/low-road thing goes, I think that is an overly simplified representation. There is not always a clear distinction. I'm not entirely sure what you are trying to represent with the swamp either. Are you trying to symbolize the drama of those 'lower' relationships, because I can tell you that happens at every level, and even increasingly so in the higher ones. Are you referring to the moral boundaries of the relationship? You can't really judge a relationship against your standards, it's between the people involved, who are you to judge what is right for them? Plus, if you have a deep relationship with someone, it's not so much you just want to "F" them, but intimacy is the next step in the relationship. I'm still unclear on exactly what you mean though.
As far as crew things go, I think today's practice was a big step in the right direction for JV. Also I would like to add that "I get in the boat I work on my stroke, do my best to match up, and pull the best I can" definitely matters, and it shows. I'm not exactly sure how or why this happened, but Aubrey and I agree that the first line-up, felt better and lighter than the second. A simple statement of fact, make of it what you will. I'm not trying to insult anyone, but I want the fastest possible line-up for JV in the spring, because I try hard, and I want a group of guys that's going to try just as hard, if not harder than me, and make a JV crew that will rival last years. I don't blame anyone, actually, that's not true, I blame ports when it is their fault, but never individuals. I certainly don't hate anyone. As far as concentrating on your own stroke, I think that it is generally a good idea, but as a former coxswain (and near-current one) and as the stroke seat, I feel I have a responsibility to the boat. We are all in this together, and as much as I depend on myself, I have to depend on them too. I want to see the whole boat succeed, not just half. Similarly, it irritates Aubrey and I to no end, when people don't try. If you are giving it your best and trying to fix a problem in your stroke, but you can't quite get it all the time, that's fine, it takes time. When the same problems keep reoccurring over and over, and people make no effort to fix them, that's when it becomes a matter of simply focusing and trying. It would be great if everyone had your attitude, but the fact of the matter is that they don't, and some never will no matter how much we say it. You have to push people, and most of the time Aubrey and I try to do it in a positive way. As far as actually having more authority than the next guy, I don't officially have any, but being on the team for 4 years and being a coxswain for one of them has given me a lot of experience. I think I know what I'm talking about most of the time, and I think it would be foolish not to listen to someone more experienced than you when they are trying to help you. I defer all the time to the seniors before me who know more. It's common sense. I'm not exactly a novice coaching other novices. I have no reason to lie about something in the boat or give someone wrong advice, I would just as soon do it to myself. If there is something wrong with my stroke, let me know, sometimes it's hard to pick-up things in your own stroke (especially with little or no coaching), and I'll do my best to fix it, but I can't get better if I don't know what's wrong. It's all about acceptance, you have to acknowledge what's wrong to fix it, I'm not trying to be negative.
(At this point, I stopped writing and saw Team America at 10. I came back to finish though, and it's currently 3am, so if I am confusing at any point, it's prolly cause I'me tired or have lost my train of thought.)
Finally, the way I understand it, you are saying that there is nothing special about being a nice guy. It's not necessarily that "nice guys" are flawless, or think they are more qualified than the next guy, so much as it is astounding and frustrating to be a nice guy and see a girl pick a guy who's not. Personally, it amazes me what girls will put up with for a "cute" guy. It's comes from frustration that a girl is so shallow that they would subject themselves to dealing with an asshole and ignore the person who is always there for them, and always watching out for them. No matter how much advice a girl receives from a nice guy, 9 times out of 10, she'll ignore the one about not dating the dick. Not all nice guys like the people they help out, if that were true of me, I'd be in love with the whole world, even you, which is simply not the case (sorry man, hope I didn't break your heart). It is true there are some guys out there who weigh heavily physical attractiveness very highly, but in general I think honestly a good majority of the male population pick on personality. When someone is that shallow, it's disappointing. I agree with you that sometimes people are brave enough to make a move, maybe even both parties, I've seen it happen before, not all of them ended happily either. You have to use some discretion though, being someone's friend is the requisite for being closer, or at least it should. If you can't maintain a healthy friendship with someone, how are you going to be able to support more? Getting to know someone is extremely important, otherwise you make mistakes. Also, it helps to find out if the person likes you too, going out there and asking someone who you really don't know that well is a horrible idea. Relationships aren't usually the best way to test out compatibility. How do they know if they like you if they don't know you? You're setting yourself up for failure. Plus it's not as easy as it sounds. Most situations are too complicated for that sort of thing. Maybe they were/are involved with someone else and friendship is all you can hope for. Maybe they are bitter and aren't interested in the opposite sex at this point in time (yes this one does have a specific example =P ). What if she doesn't feel the same way? Is it worth losing the friendship? Once you ask that question, it's hard to go back the way it was. Taking a chance is fine, but taking foolish chances is unwise.
Damn...
I agree with you on some points, but I have to disagree on others. As far as the high-road/low-road thing goes, I think that is an overly simplified representation. There is not always a clear distinction. I'm not entirely sure what you are trying to represent with the swamp either. Are you trying to symbolize the drama of those 'lower' relationships, because I can tell you that happens at every level, and even increasingly so in the higher ones. Are you referring to the moral boundaries of the relationship? You can't really judge a relationship against your standards, it's between the people involved, who are you to judge what is right for them? Plus, if you have a deep relationship with someone, it's not so much you just want to "F" them, but intimacy is the next step in the relationship. I'm still unclear on exactly what you mean though.
As far as crew things go, I think today's practice was a big step in the right direction for JV. Also I would like to add that "I get in the boat I work on my stroke, do my best to match up, and pull the best I can" definitely matters, and it shows. I'm not exactly sure how or why this happened, but Aubrey and I agree that the first line-up, felt better and lighter than the second. A simple statement of fact, make of it what you will. I'm not trying to insult anyone, but I want the fastest possible line-up for JV in the spring, because I try hard, and I want a group of guys that's going to try just as hard, if not harder than me, and make a JV crew that will rival last years. I don't blame anyone, actually, that's not true, I blame ports when it is their fault, but never individuals. I certainly don't hate anyone. As far as concentrating on your own stroke, I think that it is generally a good idea, but as a former coxswain (and near-current one) and as the stroke seat, I feel I have a responsibility to the boat. We are all in this together, and as much as I depend on myself, I have to depend on them too. I want to see the whole boat succeed, not just half. Similarly, it irritates Aubrey and I to no end, when people don't try. If you are giving it your best and trying to fix a problem in your stroke, but you can't quite get it all the time, that's fine, it takes time. When the same problems keep reoccurring over and over, and people make no effort to fix them, that's when it becomes a matter of simply focusing and trying. It would be great if everyone had your attitude, but the fact of the matter is that they don't, and some never will no matter how much we say it. You have to push people, and most of the time Aubrey and I try to do it in a positive way. As far as actually having more authority than the next guy, I don't officially have any, but being on the team for 4 years and being a coxswain for one of them has given me a lot of experience. I think I know what I'm talking about most of the time, and I think it would be foolish not to listen to someone more experienced than you when they are trying to help you. I defer all the time to the seniors before me who know more. It's common sense. I'm not exactly a novice coaching other novices. I have no reason to lie about something in the boat or give someone wrong advice, I would just as soon do it to myself. If there is something wrong with my stroke, let me know, sometimes it's hard to pick-up things in your own stroke (especially with little or no coaching), and I'll do my best to fix it, but I can't get better if I don't know what's wrong. It's all about acceptance, you have to acknowledge what's wrong to fix it, I'm not trying to be negative.
(At this point, I stopped writing and saw Team America at 10. I came back to finish though, and it's currently 3am, so if I am confusing at any point, it's prolly cause I'me tired or have lost my train of thought.)
Finally, the way I understand it, you are saying that there is nothing special about being a nice guy. It's not necessarily that "nice guys" are flawless, or think they are more qualified than the next guy, so much as it is astounding and frustrating to be a nice guy and see a girl pick a guy who's not. Personally, it amazes me what girls will put up with for a "cute" guy. It's comes from frustration that a girl is so shallow that they would subject themselves to dealing with an asshole and ignore the person who is always there for them, and always watching out for them. No matter how much advice a girl receives from a nice guy, 9 times out of 10, she'll ignore the one about not dating the dick. Not all nice guys like the people they help out, if that were true of me, I'd be in love with the whole world, even you, which is simply not the case (sorry man, hope I didn't break your heart). It is true there are some guys out there who weigh heavily physical attractiveness very highly, but in general I think honestly a good majority of the male population pick on personality. When someone is that shallow, it's disappointing. I agree with you that sometimes people are brave enough to make a move, maybe even both parties, I've seen it happen before, not all of them ended happily either. You have to use some discretion though, being someone's friend is the requisite for being closer, or at least it should. If you can't maintain a healthy friendship with someone, how are you going to be able to support more? Getting to know someone is extremely important, otherwise you make mistakes. Also, it helps to find out if the person likes you too, going out there and asking someone who you really don't know that well is a horrible idea. Relationships aren't usually the best way to test out compatibility. How do they know if they like you if they don't know you? You're setting yourself up for failure. Plus it's not as easy as it sounds. Most situations are too complicated for that sort of thing. Maybe they were/are involved with someone else and friendship is all you can hope for. Maybe they are bitter and aren't interested in the opposite sex at this point in time (yes this one does have a specific example =P ). What if she doesn't feel the same way? Is it worth losing the friendship? Once you ask that question, it's hard to go back the way it was. Taking a chance is fine, but taking foolish chances is unwise.
Damn...