(no subject)
maybe the reasons why i am so sad is the same reasons why i'm happy.
i don't want to try anymore. i don't want to believe anything anyone says. i want to give up and move on.
every night he tells me that he loves me. and every night i tell him i can't handle talking to him at 10-11-12 at night for more than 5 minutes. i have a life. i don't wait for people. waiting is something i learned not to do at a young age. i can't wait for or on people, because then I've wasted precious moments in my life, that I could have given someone else a chance to live with me.
i don't know what i'm doing. and i don't know why i'm sad. i don't know why i want to cry every time i think about it, and when he calls...I don't know why I forget I was sad in the first place, and everything suddenly becomes "alright".
because its not alright. he has done this to me all break.
I don't WANT to talk to him.
But I know I won't be able to resist.
I fail at being who I need to be; who my mother raised me to be.
I fail at resisting the temptation to succeed at a love that only causes me grief and temporary relief.
I don't know whether or not I can take it anymore.
I don't know why I keep trying; maybe I love him that much.
But...when I was with RJ (this is the only relationship that comes even remotely close to relating to Cody)...did I wait? Maybe this is why I can't let go; it might prove to be a big mistake.
i don't want to try anymore. i don't want to believe anything anyone says. i want to give up and move on.
every night he tells me that he loves me. and every night i tell him i can't handle talking to him at 10-11-12 at night for more than 5 minutes. i have a life. i don't wait for people. waiting is something i learned not to do at a young age. i can't wait for or on people, because then I've wasted precious moments in my life, that I could have given someone else a chance to live with me.
i don't know what i'm doing. and i don't know why i'm sad. i don't know why i want to cry every time i think about it, and when he calls...I don't know why I forget I was sad in the first place, and everything suddenly becomes "alright".
because its not alright. he has done this to me all break.
I don't WANT to talk to him.
But I know I won't be able to resist.
I fail at being who I need to be; who my mother raised me to be.
I fail at resisting the temptation to succeed at a love that only causes me grief and temporary relief.
I don't know whether or not I can take it anymore.
I don't know why I keep trying; maybe I love him that much.
But...when I was with RJ (this is the only relationship that comes even remotely close to relating to Cody)...did I wait? Maybe this is why I can't let go; it might prove to be a big mistake.