A bitching entry...it's how I feel....I don't care what you think.
I've been sick since september with mono and "walking pneumonia". I'm seriously tired of being sick and feeling shitty everyday. I suppose boxing, working, school and then sleeping for 4 hours and doing it all over again wasn't a healthy lifestyle.
Work has seriously pissed me off. It's too shitty of a job for it to stress me out like it has. It's really shitty when people seem to get mad or think you are lying about being sick and then make you feel like shit when you don't. It's shitty that because I asked for a different position I was basically given an ultimatum. My manager i've worked with for 4 years is quitting. It's good he'll be making more and will probably be happier, but it still sucks. It will be interesting to see what happens when I go back to work on monday and everyone sees that I can't do any heavy lifting due to the fact my spleen is swollen from the mono. Which means I can't actually do too much. My doctor is scared it will rupture from any physical stress until i'm finally healthy.
I've obviously been falling behind in school due to the fact i've been sick. I'm not sure how i'm going to completely catch up, but i'm almost there.
I've been questioning a lot of my friendships lately. Whether they are real or not. I just get a feeling from certain people like it's all a joke and i'm being laughed at behind my back. I've already ended a few that I felt were jokes or one sided. It just makes me wonder if people are still friends because that's how it's always been and they feel obligated, or if they actually still are my friends. It's probably nothing and all in my head, but I can't seem to shake these thoughts, especially around this time of year. What do I mean by that? I mean it's very hard for me right now to trust anyone considering it's nearly been a year to the day since I was stabbed in the back by someone I trusted the most in my entire life...obviously i'm talking about Bonnie. Last year I didn't enjoy my birthday at all...this year won't be the same, but it's still going to be on my mind considering my whole outlook on life, and my life in general completely changed that day. I'm not going to lie, because i'm still alone I do miss her. I don't hold it against her anymore, but it sucks she misunderstood what I said the night we argued but oh well. On top of that I don't even know if i'll even be healthy to go and temporarily relieve all this stress by drinking it away on my birthday.
I need something to happen. Something needs to change and it needs to happen soon because i'm tired of feeling this way. Hopefully this is just because i'm stressed out right now and all these feelings aren't true, but i'm having a hard time convincing myself of that. Still, the worst part about my life right now isn't even all these thoughts. It's the fact I haven't boxed in a month. When I finally get back I have no idea what kind of condition i'll be in or when i'll fight. I was supposed to fight in the exhibition on the 12th, obviously i'm not now. I miss it though more than anything. At least it's something to look forward to.
I really hope this birthday is seriously good.
Motrin 600's are awesome at making me feel like i'm almost healthy.
Halloween was boring considering I missed both parties I was going to make an appearance at...and I didn't get to dress up in my Ron Burgundy costume. The little kid who smashed his face on my porch when he tripped up the stairs was kinda funny though. Then I felt absolutely terrible since he was only about 4 years old.
Work has seriously pissed me off. It's too shitty of a job for it to stress me out like it has. It's really shitty when people seem to get mad or think you are lying about being sick and then make you feel like shit when you don't. It's shitty that because I asked for a different position I was basically given an ultimatum. My manager i've worked with for 4 years is quitting. It's good he'll be making more and will probably be happier, but it still sucks. It will be interesting to see what happens when I go back to work on monday and everyone sees that I can't do any heavy lifting due to the fact my spleen is swollen from the mono. Which means I can't actually do too much. My doctor is scared it will rupture from any physical stress until i'm finally healthy.
I've obviously been falling behind in school due to the fact i've been sick. I'm not sure how i'm going to completely catch up, but i'm almost there.
I've been questioning a lot of my friendships lately. Whether they are real or not. I just get a feeling from certain people like it's all a joke and i'm being laughed at behind my back. I've already ended a few that I felt were jokes or one sided. It just makes me wonder if people are still friends because that's how it's always been and they feel obligated, or if they actually still are my friends. It's probably nothing and all in my head, but I can't seem to shake these thoughts, especially around this time of year. What do I mean by that? I mean it's very hard for me right now to trust anyone considering it's nearly been a year to the day since I was stabbed in the back by someone I trusted the most in my entire life...obviously i'm talking about Bonnie. Last year I didn't enjoy my birthday at all...this year won't be the same, but it's still going to be on my mind considering my whole outlook on life, and my life in general completely changed that day. I'm not going to lie, because i'm still alone I do miss her. I don't hold it against her anymore, but it sucks she misunderstood what I said the night we argued but oh well. On top of that I don't even know if i'll even be healthy to go and temporarily relieve all this stress by drinking it away on my birthday.
I need something to happen. Something needs to change and it needs to happen soon because i'm tired of feeling this way. Hopefully this is just because i'm stressed out right now and all these feelings aren't true, but i'm having a hard time convincing myself of that. Still, the worst part about my life right now isn't even all these thoughts. It's the fact I haven't boxed in a month. When I finally get back I have no idea what kind of condition i'll be in or when i'll fight. I was supposed to fight in the exhibition on the 12th, obviously i'm not now. I miss it though more than anything. At least it's something to look forward to.
I really hope this birthday is seriously good.
Motrin 600's are awesome at making me feel like i'm almost healthy.
Halloween was boring considering I missed both parties I was going to make an appearance at...and I didn't get to dress up in my Ron Burgundy costume. The little kid who smashed his face on my porch when he tripped up the stairs was kinda funny though. Then I felt absolutely terrible since he was only about 4 years old.