"Nice Guys" and "Little Sisters"

[truthisaburden]

I'm not sure why I'm compelled to post this, but I am. I'm coming to terms with some long-standing and unpleasant personality traits of mine. In this process I've been reminded of my days as the nice guy, as in the ones that finish last, AKA doormats. I've come to realize that the nice guys aren't really nice at all, they are assholes. When I was one of them, I had convinced myself that I deserved to be with particular girls, and that listening to their feelings was enough to convince myself that I really cared about what they wanted. That's not any more a sign of respect than ignoring their feelings altogether. That's pretty misogynistic, frankly, but it's easily excused because it's coming from a "nice guy" and often these expectations or feelings are not expressed unless things get ugly. This is the ugly side of the nice guy. If you've been reading this and you've had a particular person in mind and just rejected this explanation outright and haven't given it a second thought, that person is probably in fact a nice person, but not the stereotypical "nice guy." If however, you've read this and find yourself recalling examples and thinking of specific cases to prove me wrong about a person, then they are in fact a "nice guy." The other unfortunate truth about existing as a "nice guy" is the lack of assertiveness. This is the much more obvious fault of this character, and the point that makes a "nice guy" worthy of the title "Doormat". This is where, almost contradictorily, a "nice guy" convinces himself that he doesn't deserve the girl. It's OK to express yourself and say what it is that you want. It's OK to be assertive. It's also likely that you won't get what you want right away, or maybe ever. By the time you really learn to be assertive, what you want may change.

This lack of assertiveness is a part of being the perpetual little sister as well. I can't speak of any other flaws of that role, as I've never been one, but if you are the perpetual little sister, suck it up and go for what you want. If you fail, suck it up again. Chances are good that no one is going to drop into your lap and really see you for you until you actually start to show your true self to the world. At least, that just this asshole's opinion.