(no subject)
Class today does not start off like any other class. This is because this is no ordinary class.
The room is unlike any other classroom -for one thing, the room is huge, and an Audience is on the left side of the room. That is to say, there is wild applause and noise coming from that side, and yet no-one can be seen - an oddity, but a necessary one in any class taught by Colbert.
Empty seats and desks are on the right. The focal point for both groups is a single, odd sort of - desk would be one way of putting it (and, if you took an aerial view, it would be shaped like a “C”). Strangely for anyone familiar with Stephen Colbert, the desk does not have someone seated at it right now, leaving early arrivals to ponder the exciting fireworks display in red, white, and blue, and glowing eagles flying in formation above the desk. In the background, patriotic music is playing. And then there’s the List hovering above the desk. Proudly, in glowing red-and-blue letters, it declares the following:
Registered Students in Ancient Runes Class
Gryffindors
George "Heart-Balls of Solid Truth" Bluth, II
Aayla Secura
The Doctor
Adam Young
Dib
Logan Echolls
Sarah Williams
Claire Littleton
Slytherins
Ron Weasley
Sawyer
Ginny Weasley
Peter Wiggin
Ravenclaws
Lily Evans Potter
Blair Sandburg
Dawn Summers
Admiral ZEX
Anissina von Khrennikov
Edward Elric
Hermione Granger
Hufflepuffs
Wolfram von Bielefeld
Yubari Gogo
Primavera Bobinski
Bree Van De Kamp
Laura Palmer
Victor Mancha
Quaxo Jellicle
???
Sirius Black
Perry Cox
Rukia Kuchiki
Abby Sciuto
Suddenly, a door slams loudly off-stage, as though closed by a god with no care for insignificant matters such as a door’s well-being. And then the god in question strides forwards: a handsome, impeccably-dressed man in robes of red, white, and blue, with an expression that tells you he’s here to Teach, no matter what you think of him.
He sits down amidst wild applause from the Audience (which he waves away with ‘modesty’), picks up a pile of papers and neatens them carefully, then places them down before him and looks up, and waits for the students to arrive. A magnificent eagle soars down from somewhere high in the class, and perches on the chair behind him, glaring with fierce fiery eyes that inspire fear in the hearts of evil-doers, and people who didn’t do their homework. Not that there was any homework to be done.
When he’s fully satisfied that his students have arrived, and that it’s time to start class anyway, he raises a single hand and nods, as the Audience claps once more.
“Today, class, we're going over neo-Cthonic runes -- we'll see their spectacular alphabet - spectacular as in simple; I like an alphabet that knos where it's at. After that we'll go over reading the runes. Then you'll be able to learn how much you don't know about your obscure ancient cultures for extra credit. All this and more in today's Ancient Runes class!” There is a pause for enthusiastic applause from the Audience.
“Now, we’re beginning with a non-interactive demonstration,” he continues, exuding an air of powerful authority, “So no talking, understand? That is, you can talk. But--” Colbert covers his ears with his hands and shakes his head. “Lalala! I’m not going to listen, much less answer, and it’ll be detention for you.” He removes the hands, then shakes his finger at the Audience and class as one. “You,” he adds to the former, “may clap later when it doesn’t interrupt my students.” Satisfied, it's back to the students.
“As I said on the sign-up sheet, this isn’t a class where you need books, or the ‘facts’” - he does the dreaded finger-quotes when he says that much-detested word - “within them. I’m teaching you to understand ancient runes. How, you ask? Well, let me give you an idea with tonight’s Wørd.”
In a puff of red smoke, what looks like a blue chalkboard appears on Colbert’ left, headed in white letters spelling out “The Wørd”.
“Cannibalism”.
Cannibalism, echoes the board.
“In this class, you’ll need to work hard to not get trampled under foot.”
”Talkin’ ‘bout love, huh.”
“Because if you don’t work hard, someone else will.”
An illegal immigrant, most likely.
“And once you’re trampled under foot, you’re likely to be devoured by the strong students.”
Ancient Runes class: we eat our own.
“However, in this class, working hard isn’t hard. I know students. I know what you don’t want. You don’t want long, boring hours of homework, do you?”
Amirite?
“No, you don’t. And so that’s not how I’m going to teach. I’m going to make it much more interactive. For example, every class, we’re going to have an interview with an expert in a different area of Ancient Runes to help explain basics. By looking at the basics in all of these areas, we can have a more thorough understanding of the basics of all Ancient Runes.”
Probably pulling words out of his ass
“Hey!” Colbert says to the board, which corrects itself:
Clearly demonstrating his superior teaching skills
“Better,” he replies, though not entirely appeased, and turns back to the laughing, applauding Audience, and his Students. “Now, we could start with alphabets, of course. In fact, we will.”
Today’s class is brought to you by the letters
and
.
“But that won’t be enough in the long run, so I’ll be teaching you a way to interpret sentences of strange letter mish-mash. Soon, you’ll be able to read the runes without consulting pesky books and such.”
With varying success, of course.
“And to help you understand our varying guest speakers in the future, who don’t all speak our language, I’m providing all my students with a Babelfish.”
Which theoretically works better than the site. Or, in Babelfish-ese: “Which theoretician the place functions better then.”
“It’s in the glass jar on your desk. Don’t be afraid of it: put it in your ear and it’ll translate for you.”
It is not afraid fischartige Don’t fear the fishy
“And don’t threaten to eat it! Last time I handed these things out, someone tried to eat it!”
Was he? Are schien scrumptious! What? It looked scrumptious!
“Just think: would you like to be eaten by a cannibal?”
Cannibal
“And that’s the Wørd.” Colbert nods curtly at the chalkboard, which vanishes in another cloud of vermillion smoke.
“Now, class - no, no,” he says to the Audience, waving dismissively while a faint smile twists his lips, “please, save the applause for later.” Obediently, the catcalls and claps, laughter and calls quiet down.
“Class,” he continues, “We’re approaching the interactive part of our class. Today we’re talking about neo-Cthonic runes, which is a relatively simplistic alphabet I’ve had the pleasure of discussing with an expert or two. No alternative letters for sounds - a simple, basic, straightforward alphabet. My kind of alphabet, in other words.” He pauses, looks down at his notes, and then back up at the class sternly.
“The sounds used in neo-Cthonic runes are as follow: ‘ah’, ‘buh-‘, ‘duh-‘, ‘eh’, ‘guh-‘, ‘huh-‘, ‘ih’, ‘kuh-‘, ‘luh-‘, ‘muh-‘, ‘nuh-‘, ‘oh’, ‘puh-‘, ‘rrr’, ‘sss’, ‘uh’, ‘yuh-‘, and ‘zuh’. Or, as we Americans would say: A, B, D, E, G, H, I, K, L, M, N, O, P, R, S, U, Y, and Z.”
He hands a stack of papers to the eagle, which grasps it in its powerful claws and soars over the desks, dropping two sheets onto each:
“For starters, use the first sheet to decipher the words from the original alphabet. You can tell me when you’re done with that. Now, any questions?” He looks at the class as though daring them to speak.
((For anyone uninterested in deciphering my little mess, it says “Abud Genok Myi Amerika Da” - what that means will be addressed in Part II of the class, so don’t worry about that. :3))
The room is unlike any other classroom -for one thing, the room is huge, and an Audience is on the left side of the room. That is to say, there is wild applause and noise coming from that side, and yet no-one can be seen - an oddity, but a necessary one in any class taught by Colbert.
Empty seats and desks are on the right. The focal point for both groups is a single, odd sort of - desk would be one way of putting it (and, if you took an aerial view, it would be shaped like a “C”). Strangely for anyone familiar with Stephen Colbert, the desk does not have someone seated at it right now, leaving early arrivals to ponder the exciting fireworks display in red, white, and blue, and glowing eagles flying in formation above the desk. In the background, patriotic music is playing. And then there’s the List hovering above the desk. Proudly, in glowing red-and-blue letters, it declares the following:
Registered Students in Ancient Runes Class
Gryffindors
George "Heart-Balls of Solid Truth" Bluth, II
Aayla Secura
The Doctor
Adam Young
Dib
Logan Echolls
Sarah Williams
Claire Littleton
Slytherins
Ron Weasley
Sawyer
Ginny Weasley
Peter Wiggin
Ravenclaws
Lily Evans Potter
Blair Sandburg
Dawn Summers
Admiral ZEX
Anissina von Khrennikov
Edward Elric
Hermione Granger
Hufflepuffs
Wolfram von Bielefeld
Yubari Gogo
Primavera Bobinski
Bree Van De Kamp
Laura Palmer
Victor Mancha
Quaxo Jellicle
???
Sirius Black
Perry Cox
Rukia Kuchiki
Abby Sciuto
Suddenly, a door slams loudly off-stage, as though closed by a god with no care for insignificant matters such as a door’s well-being. And then the god in question strides forwards: a handsome, impeccably-dressed man in robes of red, white, and blue, with an expression that tells you he’s here to Teach, no matter what you think of him.
He sits down amidst wild applause from the Audience (which he waves away with ‘modesty’), picks up a pile of papers and neatens them carefully, then places them down before him and looks up, and waits for the students to arrive. A magnificent eagle soars down from somewhere high in the class, and perches on the chair behind him, glaring with fierce fiery eyes that inspire fear in the hearts of evil-doers, and people who didn’t do their homework. Not that there was any homework to be done.
When he’s fully satisfied that his students have arrived, and that it’s time to start class anyway, he raises a single hand and nods, as the Audience claps once more.
“Today, class, we're going over neo-Cthonic runes -- we'll see their spectacular alphabet - spectacular as in simple; I like an alphabet that knos where it's at. After that we'll go over reading the runes. Then you'll be able to learn how much you don't know about your obscure ancient cultures for extra credit. All this and more in today's Ancient Runes class!” There is a pause for enthusiastic applause from the Audience.
“Now, we’re beginning with a non-interactive demonstration,” he continues, exuding an air of powerful authority, “So no talking, understand? That is, you can talk. But--” Colbert covers his ears with his hands and shakes his head. “Lalala! I’m not going to listen, much less answer, and it’ll be detention for you.” He removes the hands, then shakes his finger at the Audience and class as one. “You,” he adds to the former, “may clap later when it doesn’t interrupt my students.” Satisfied, it's back to the students.
“As I said on the sign-up sheet, this isn’t a class where you need books, or the ‘facts’” - he does the dreaded finger-quotes when he says that much-detested word - “within them. I’m teaching you to understand ancient runes. How, you ask? Well, let me give you an idea with tonight’s Wørd.”
In a puff of red smoke, what looks like a blue chalkboard appears on Colbert’ left, headed in white letters spelling out “The Wørd”.
“Cannibalism”.
Cannibalism, echoes the board.
“In this class, you’ll need to work hard to not get trampled under foot.”
”Talkin’ ‘bout love, huh.”
“Because if you don’t work hard, someone else will.”
An illegal immigrant, most likely.
“And once you’re trampled under foot, you’re likely to be devoured by the strong students.”
Ancient Runes class: we eat our own.
“However, in this class, working hard isn’t hard. I know students. I know what you don’t want. You don’t want long, boring hours of homework, do you?”
Amirite?
“No, you don’t. And so that’s not how I’m going to teach. I’m going to make it much more interactive. For example, every class, we’re going to have an interview with an expert in a different area of Ancient Runes to help explain basics. By looking at the basics in all of these areas, we can have a more thorough understanding of the basics of all Ancient Runes.”
Probably pulling words out of his ass
“Hey!” Colbert says to the board, which corrects itself:
Clearly demonstrating his superior teaching skills
“Better,” he replies, though not entirely appeased, and turns back to the laughing, applauding Audience, and his Students. “Now, we could start with alphabets, of course. In fact, we will.”
Today’s class is brought to you by the letters
and
.
“But that won’t be enough in the long run, so I’ll be teaching you a way to interpret sentences of strange letter mish-mash. Soon, you’ll be able to read the runes without consulting pesky books and such.”
With varying success, of course.
“And to help you understand our varying guest speakers in the future, who don’t all speak our language, I’m providing all my students with a Babelfish.”
Which theoretically works better than the site. Or, in Babelfish-ese: “Which theoretician the place functions better then.”
“It’s in the glass jar on your desk. Don’t be afraid of it: put it in your ear and it’ll translate for you.”
It is not afraid fischartige Don’t fear the fishy
“And don’t threaten to eat it! Last time I handed these things out, someone tried to eat it!”
Was he? Are schien scrumptious! What? It looked scrumptious!
“Just think: would you like to be eaten by a cannibal?”
Cannibal
“And that’s the Wørd.” Colbert nods curtly at the chalkboard, which vanishes in another cloud of vermillion smoke.
“Now, class - no, no,” he says to the Audience, waving dismissively while a faint smile twists his lips, “please, save the applause for later.” Obediently, the catcalls and claps, laughter and calls quiet down.
“Class,” he continues, “We’re approaching the interactive part of our class. Today we’re talking about neo-Cthonic runes, which is a relatively simplistic alphabet I’ve had the pleasure of discussing with an expert or two. No alternative letters for sounds - a simple, basic, straightforward alphabet. My kind of alphabet, in other words.” He pauses, looks down at his notes, and then back up at the class sternly.
“The sounds used in neo-Cthonic runes are as follow: ‘ah’, ‘buh-‘, ‘duh-‘, ‘eh’, ‘guh-‘, ‘huh-‘, ‘ih’, ‘kuh-‘, ‘luh-‘, ‘muh-‘, ‘nuh-‘, ‘oh’, ‘puh-‘, ‘rrr’, ‘sss’, ‘uh’, ‘yuh-‘, and ‘zuh’. Or, as we Americans would say: A, B, D, E, G, H, I, K, L, M, N, O, P, R, S, U, Y, and Z.”
He hands a stack of papers to the eagle, which grasps it in its powerful claws and soars over the desks, dropping two sheets onto each:
“For starters, use the first sheet to decipher the words from the original alphabet. You can tell me when you’re done with that. Now, any questions?” He looks at the class as though daring them to speak.
((For anyone uninterested in deciphering my little mess, it says “Abud Genok Myi Amerika Da” - what that means will be addressed in Part II of the class, so don’t worry about that. :3))