I'm sorry things ended this way as well, but I knew you needed to move on. I just really hope you try to sort things out and fix the current situation your in (last couple of entries you posted). I worry about you and I feel like I've been way too distant from you within the past year. We should of talked more, but I was depressed and you were drunk when I called you a lot of times. I resented that, and it was part of the reason why I stopped calling you. You really did help me so much. I haven't been completely honest with you either. For the past 5 months before I moved in here I was periodically using and wasn't there anymore. I had given up for a long time. But things have really turned around. I've learned to deal with the problems I always try to run away from by using. I try to stay as clean as I can be. I have a class of wine once a week now and that's it. I don't smoke weed or do any kind of drugs that might trigger a relapse. I begged you to stop drinking, but you didn't listen. I know your going through hard times right now but you can face it like everyone else does in times of trouble. You have the power to fix whatever you can, and if you can't things will always get better after they are at their worst. Always remember that. That week you mentioned, will always be a wonderful memory I will never forget. The few times we saw each other were great. The last time was kind of shaky, but we both had our reasons. I consider you one of my best friends, I know you always loved me but I love you to. Things just didn't work out the way we planned them to back then. Please take care of yourself and text me if you need anything. I know you need to more on, but don't forget I'll always be here for you in times of need. Take care.
I wish you would have told me that my drinking kept us from talking. It may have made a diffrence. Or I may have just tried to hide it. I am with out a doubt an alcoholic. Im done with alcohol. Its ruined so much of my life and who knows what its done for my health. Im considering getting on some kind of medication. My reaction to things just isnt normal. I have spent the last two years trying to correct that but its very apparent to me that I have failed. You asked me to promise you I wont hurt or kill myself. Over the last month I have brought masochism into my life. I beleave it helps me cope but im debating if its something that I should have in my life or not. Outside of medicinal I promise not to hurt or kill myself. How ever my life turns out I will deal with it. Life really is too precious to throw away. I had no idea you were using the whole time. Every now and then I saw some tells but I never said anything because I remeber what it was like for me to get past meth. Every time someone accused me of using I would think "What the fuck is the point of trying when nobody has any faith in me" If you and Steven ever decide to move out of that town let me know and I will do anything I can to help you. I think it would be great for your sobriety to get away from the places your familiar with the scene. I feel weird going there but I know what its like. And Im sorry your going through it.
It's okay, things have gotten so much better that I'm actually sober now. I just have to look for a job because my unemployments running out, I may not get approved to get it for 6 more months depending on a certain amount I made working there. I don't know, I'll just have to see. I need to find a job though, I just haven't had any motivation to start looking because I need to work a decent one ya know. It's good that you stopped drinking, please don't ever again because it really messed your life up multiple times. Life is too precious to waste away and I've realized that more than ever. One of the main reasons that got me to stop dope is because I almost died many many times. I crashed my car because I was high and I overdosed and Steven had to recesitate me 10 times in the same week. I almost died sooo many times, and I was given so many chances. The last time I died and got brought back to life it was hit me and I turned everything around. I'm so glad I did because I want to live for a long time. I value my life.
I had no idea it got that bad. I always use to be terrified that the next time I would call you I would hear that you died. I would freak out every time your phone got disconnected. Its fucking scary that you came that close to dieing. I fucking hate thinking about it. Im not going to touch alcohol again. I cant count the amount of times its fucked up my life. Its a good time but its just not worth it. If you cant get a job let me know and I can help you out. Even if I dont have money I know plenty of "Kinda legal" ways to get money that are risk free. I would like to see you succeed especially now that your trying to have a kid. I figure the worst thing for me right now is time. If I stay busy Im ok but its those time when im alone with nothing to do that eat at me. Im more worried about months or years from now when my life isnt fucked up than right now. When Im not watching what Iv worked for for the past year fall appart. With meth I could just avoid the people and places I knew. Alcohol is everywhere. I dont know. I should probably go back to AA or something. Im rambeling now so I will shut up.
Reply
I had no idea you were using the whole time. Every now and then I saw some tells but I never said anything because I remeber what it was like for me to get past meth. Every time someone accused me of using I would think "What the fuck is the point of trying when nobody has any faith in me" If you and Steven ever decide to move out of that town let me know and I will do anything I can to help you. I think it would be great for your sobriety to get away from the places your familiar with the scene. I feel weird going there but I know what its like. And Im sorry your going through it.
Reply
Reply
Im not going to touch alcohol again. I cant count the amount of times its fucked up my life. Its a good time but its just not worth it.
If you cant get a job let me know and I can help you out. Even if I dont have money I know plenty of "Kinda legal" ways to get money that are risk free. I would like to see you succeed especially now that your trying to have a kid.
I figure the worst thing for me right now is time. If I stay busy Im ok but its those time when im alone with nothing to do that eat at me. Im more worried about months or years from now when my life isnt fucked up than right now. When Im not watching what Iv worked for for the past year fall appart. With meth I could just avoid the people and places I knew. Alcohol is everywhere. I dont know. I should probably go back to AA or something. Im rambeling now so I will shut up.
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment