See, that first sentence makes me feel stupid. I have no idea what it means. And I'm still kinda jealous of your care package. And your sex-vacation to Iowa. (When has the phrase "sex-vacation to Iowa" EVER been used before, do you think?)
Schadenfreude is when you're happy because someone else isn't. Like being excited because someone you don't like didn't get a promotion or, more commonly, stuff like laughing when someone falls on their butt! *Everyone* should be jealous of my care package! Do you like scones? And lastly, I don't think that phrase HAS ever been used before, but I definitely prefer it to "conjugal visit!" When I finally get out Cal-i-for-nie-ay way, *then* it'll be a conjugal visit!
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