The Day in words
You'll find it strange and funny how I begin this way, to transition to poetry, but I find the nonsense in rhyme to fit my theme more than common words can express. So for the day so far, I'v been up at four with an urgent call, waking up and off the wall, taking a shower and moving on, getting my history homework done. I always make my mom irate, its something having to do with my state, I just can't sedate her, but I agitate her, in what I do and don't do, in where I go or don't seem to be going, no one is knowing, no one is showing me the way. i know what I want and I know what I need and somehow it seems that i cannot feed. I cannot find the nourishment now, with this blindfold on, these are my hands on my eyes, these are my hands over my sight. i could see just what i need, if not for the fact I hold myself back. I have all I need to survive right here. i have her, but do I? Of course. She has me, anyway. But what to do? I am too afeared to come close. it is a struggle in the mind of a weakling. I am no weakling, mind you, but my mind is so foolish. I cannot end the thoughts I begin, the corrupting things of doubt, the bats that fly on wings of despair. She is so near, so close, her mind so far away. i think she has no idea. But she seems to work for something. She wants without wanting, I hunt without hunting, no wonder we can't get anywhere, you see and you know, if we were to switch, 'twould be best, to know what lies in each other's chest, to know what lies inside the heart, inside the mind concealed in art, inside the hopes and fears and tears and dreams - my great glory, the dreams! Oh what dreams and feelings I have in the dark, alone and beside no one, yet when I am near her, the bats fly up like they would if disturbed from their dismal abyss, rise up to cloud my mind and keep me chained by them. I have no chains, no shackles, no holds barred. What i am is free to be in love here and now and all I need do is convince myself. Here she is now! And again! And again! But do I take my chance? Never and never and when? But IF she says no, if she pulls away, if I find within her eyes a dismal dismay, then I know i was right to doubt and to fear. But I'll never know until we're there, and she's there, and I'm there, and I act. Fool Fool. Fool. Lover and dreamer, nurturer, screamer. What a revel are you, with your hope and despair. Why give in to the lesser at the end, old fool? Who thinks you ye are?
More and more by the days. More and more by the sight of her. She grows radiant in my eyes when she is in natural light. But that cruel light of the stage, it ruins her so! I tell you know so that you know. that which she desires most makes her crack and shatter in its harsh yellow glow. And she cannot know, for she is lost to it. I am lost to it, too. I cannot go back. Let me say that all I do from now on is for love. I hate my fear and doubt yet they are what consume my love at the very end of moments. I want to hold her, to kiss her, to let her be and dismiss her, if she would have that, but if she would not, then just to hold her. You see how it all twists back like some blanket around a post? You see how it intertwines with the world and the stars and the light I see grading in her eyes, the despair and hope and surprise. Love. Love. What more can I ask for, than all I care for? Girl, love you I do. And that is forbidden in our age, in our years, in our ficklety and foolishness. But I am not so fickle, though I am a fool. For you.
More and more by the days. More and more by the sight of her. She grows radiant in my eyes when she is in natural light. But that cruel light of the stage, it ruins her so! I tell you know so that you know. that which she desires most makes her crack and shatter in its harsh yellow glow. And she cannot know, for she is lost to it. I am lost to it, too. I cannot go back. Let me say that all I do from now on is for love. I hate my fear and doubt yet they are what consume my love at the very end of moments. I want to hold her, to kiss her, to let her be and dismiss her, if she would have that, but if she would not, then just to hold her. You see how it all twists back like some blanket around a post? You see how it intertwines with the world and the stars and the light I see grading in her eyes, the despair and hope and surprise. Love. Love. What more can I ask for, than all I care for? Girl, love you I do. And that is forbidden in our age, in our years, in our ficklety and foolishness. But I am not so fickle, though I am a fool. For you.