Truth 32 - What are you ashamed of?
Truth 32 - What are you ashamed of?
He has a list. Somewhere in his mind there’s a list of everything he’s ashamed of. Usually he keeps it buried deep beneath everything else where not even he could catch a glimpse of it. The list is long. And when he’s alone and feeling that inherent self-depreciation that he obtained over the years from his parents, he uncovers that list from the recesses of his mind to go over it. He analyzes every flaw, every error large and small, every mistake he’s ever made and all of his failures.
Under a magnifying glass no one is perfect, Nathan knows this. No one looks pretty that close and personal, especially when the one doing the scrutinizing is the one who knows every detail forward and backward. People can think they know. They can think that they understand. But Nathan knows that only he knows the why’s and the how’s. And in a few cases there is no explanation. Things happen.
It’s addictive, the pain and hurt it induces. He accepts the way the thorough evaluation of his darker side makes him feel mainly because it does indeed make him feel. The shame and guilt puts substance where Nathan has made himself blank. The harm to his psyche breaks through the numb he settles into on a normal basis. It reminds him that he’s still capable of caring and of feeling… something, even when he tries to tell himself that he’s far past such weaknesses.
Nathan Petrelli ~ Heroes ~ 244 words ~ Comments
He has a list. Somewhere in his mind there’s a list of everything he’s ashamed of. Usually he keeps it buried deep beneath everything else where not even he could catch a glimpse of it. The list is long. And when he’s alone and feeling that inherent self-depreciation that he obtained over the years from his parents, he uncovers that list from the recesses of his mind to go over it. He analyzes every flaw, every error large and small, every mistake he’s ever made and all of his failures.
Under a magnifying glass no one is perfect, Nathan knows this. No one looks pretty that close and personal, especially when the one doing the scrutinizing is the one who knows every detail forward and backward. People can think they know. They can think that they understand. But Nathan knows that only he knows the why’s and the how’s. And in a few cases there is no explanation. Things happen.
It’s addictive, the pain and hurt it induces. He accepts the way the thorough evaluation of his darker side makes him feel mainly because it does indeed make him feel. The shame and guilt puts substance where Nathan has made himself blank. The harm to his psyche breaks through the numb he settles into on a normal basis. It reminds him that he’s still capable of caring and of feeling… something, even when he tries to tell himself that he’s far past such weaknesses.
Nathan Petrelli ~ Heroes ~ 244 words ~ Comments