advanced metric courage radio introduction
im wondering and thinking a lot and honestly thats never good. i know this. but i guess its whatever. its gonna happen. im really just trying to let all of this run its course but i guess its that no one reminded me just how long this course takes to run. seemingly forever i guess...
i guess that was her version of an apology. good thing she decided to wait three months and do it over text. a face to face or phone convo within a timely manor would have never cut it. fuck.
*what made you think that was ok*
regardless whats done is done and it cannot be undone so just fuck it i guess. never the best communicator. thats unfair to say, yet its so fitting. i guess when im ready ill look for something better. no - strike that. thats unfair to say. it was soo good. too good. i didnt realize where i was. i didnt realize what i had put out on the line. im having a hard time remembering the bad, its really only the good that sticks out in my mind. nevertheless, i start boiling whenever i really sit and think about it. well i guess i know why you do it. just move from person to person. im not nearly as afraid of being alone as you are. you think if you dont strike while the iron is hot you'll be left behind in the cold, in the dark. its not true, but its no longer my turn to try and convince you of that.
i want to stop saying 'you.' forgive me while i make a conscious effort to say 'her'
she is just too personal. im trying to stop being so personal.
it only leads to miss miss miss.
its no longer my turn to try and convince her of that. its borderline disgusting how easy she makes it look though. any and all of her words are muted by her pathetic and retched actions. my emotions are nullified by her distant methods of caring and composure. its so easy to just lie back and fuck someone else, i guess its all you she know(s).
thats too hard.
i so desperately wanted to start a fight with you, i guess just pick up where we left off. kinda a dumb idea though. it wouldnt have changed anything. best case scineario: you keep cheating on your boyfriend with the kid who was never really good enough. thats not really a situation i would like to be in. im absolutely sure you can find someone else to take my place. fighting about it wouldnt have changed anything about anything.
heating up:
after everything you put me through you have the audacity to contact me? you still have my number? fucking delete it. kindly remove me from your FUCKING life forever. your such a selfish bitch how could you think any of that was ok. if you ever wonder why you get fucked over so much its probably because you pick the best things that have ever happened to you and you throw them in the garbage. im willing to bet im not the only one.
cooling down:
you are all i can really think about. its shameful really. im no saint, my methods are embarrassing and convoluted at best. but still, really? why? why did this ever happen? why did this ever start? ive got to say, i never did anything to deserve this. i dream about talking to you, fixing this and trying to start again. maybe im too passive. i should have fought harder for you. i should have held you closer. i dont have the power to change the past though. i would do some terrible things to just make things work for 24 hours with you.
back to reality:
heh, fuck it. im hoping your happy where you are. im hoping you can fix yourself up and walk away. i hope you dont think about me nearly as much as i find myself thinking about you. its bad for your health - trust me. the longer i go without seeing your face the easier it gets. im wondering if you went on saturday. god that would have been... ya know i dont really want to think about that. i didnt see you, so in the end things worked out. simply amazing show though... things fall apart. i dont want to make excuses, i had a hand in all of this. love makes you do crazy things i guess. love makes you irrational and whatnot. love sucks sometimes.
generic blog stuff:
my thanksgiving was boring. friday i blacked out. saturday i went to atlantic city. sunday i went to work. nothing happened monday. nothing is happening today either. dying sounds like quite the adventure. i want to see jurassic park. im getting a new job soon. an interview tomorrow. i want to move out of the state. and into a city. far far away from depression. maybe ill move to hell! im being dramatic. i just need something, not sure what yet. but ill let you know when i find it. blogblogblogblog blogblogblogblogblogblogblogblog blogblog blogblogblog blogblogblogblogblog blogblogblog blogblogblogblogblog blogblogblogblogblog blogblogblogblogblogblogblogblogblogblogblog blogblogblog blog blog blog blo bl b
!
i guess that was her version of an apology. good thing she decided to wait three months and do it over text. a face to face or phone convo within a timely manor would have never cut it. fuck.
*what made you think that was ok*
regardless whats done is done and it cannot be undone so just fuck it i guess. never the best communicator. thats unfair to say, yet its so fitting. i guess when im ready ill look for something better. no - strike that. thats unfair to say. it was soo good. too good. i didnt realize where i was. i didnt realize what i had put out on the line. im having a hard time remembering the bad, its really only the good that sticks out in my mind. nevertheless, i start boiling whenever i really sit and think about it. well i guess i know why you do it. just move from person to person. im not nearly as afraid of being alone as you are. you think if you dont strike while the iron is hot you'll be left behind in the cold, in the dark. its not true, but its no longer my turn to try and convince you of that.
i want to stop saying 'you.' forgive me while i make a conscious effort to say 'her'
she is just too personal. im trying to stop being so personal.
it only leads to miss miss miss.
its no longer my turn to try and convince her of that. its borderline disgusting how easy she makes it look though. any and all of her words are muted by her pathetic and retched actions. my emotions are nullified by her distant methods of caring and composure. its so easy to just lie back and fuck someone else, i guess its all you she know(s).
thats too hard.
i so desperately wanted to start a fight with you, i guess just pick up where we left off. kinda a dumb idea though. it wouldnt have changed anything. best case scineario: you keep cheating on your boyfriend with the kid who was never really good enough. thats not really a situation i would like to be in. im absolutely sure you can find someone else to take my place. fighting about it wouldnt have changed anything about anything.
heating up:
after everything you put me through you have the audacity to contact me? you still have my number? fucking delete it. kindly remove me from your FUCKING life forever. your such a selfish bitch how could you think any of that was ok. if you ever wonder why you get fucked over so much its probably because you pick the best things that have ever happened to you and you throw them in the garbage. im willing to bet im not the only one.
cooling down:
you are all i can really think about. its shameful really. im no saint, my methods are embarrassing and convoluted at best. but still, really? why? why did this ever happen? why did this ever start? ive got to say, i never did anything to deserve this. i dream about talking to you, fixing this and trying to start again. maybe im too passive. i should have fought harder for you. i should have held you closer. i dont have the power to change the past though. i would do some terrible things to just make things work for 24 hours with you.
back to reality:
heh, fuck it. im hoping your happy where you are. im hoping you can fix yourself up and walk away. i hope you dont think about me nearly as much as i find myself thinking about you. its bad for your health - trust me. the longer i go without seeing your face the easier it gets. im wondering if you went on saturday. god that would have been... ya know i dont really want to think about that. i didnt see you, so in the end things worked out. simply amazing show though... things fall apart. i dont want to make excuses, i had a hand in all of this. love makes you do crazy things i guess. love makes you irrational and whatnot. love sucks sometimes.
generic blog stuff:
my thanksgiving was boring. friday i blacked out. saturday i went to atlantic city. sunday i went to work. nothing happened monday. nothing is happening today either. dying sounds like quite the adventure. i want to see jurassic park. im getting a new job soon. an interview tomorrow. i want to move out of the state. and into a city. far far away from depression. maybe ill move to hell! im being dramatic. i just need something, not sure what yet. but ill let you know when i find it. blogblogblogblog blogblogblogblogblogblogblogblog blogblog blogblogblog blogblogblogblogblog blogblogblog blogblogblogblogblog blogblogblogblogblog blogblogblogblogblogblogblogblogblogblogblog blogblogblog blog blog blog blo bl b
!