Excuses (v. 134, TM)
What is the lamest excuse you've ever given for something you've done?
"As far behind as we are on th'bills, it makes me nervous not t'use any sort o'protection."
"If you don't want no more o'my kids, I'll be happy t'just leave you alone."
"I'd have 'em if you'd support 'em."
I ain't never enjoyed makin' love t'Ennis. I loved 'em, after all. I'd always loved 'em. But I knew that our love makin' wasn't th'same fer 'em. I could tell by th'way he looked at me, pretendin' t'see someone else, or th'way he'd close his eyes so he could pretend I wasn't who I was. An' I knew it was Jack that he was thinkin' 'bout. It wasn't me no more.
When we was first married, he'd look at me while we made love. He'd touch m'face, bringin' his lips close t'mine, breathin' on my skin. But he'd look at me. Th'only time he'd close his eyes was when he was finishin', an' that was normal.
But that night, I couldn't do it no more. I couldn't ignore him closin' his eyes, lookin' at me but not seein' me .. it got t'be too much fer me. Without th'love that was there in th'beginnin' of our marriage, our makin' love wasn't no good anymore. I guess it served its purpose if we was both feelin' lonely, but it wasn't never th'same.
An' besides all that, I didn't want no more kids. Not with Ennis. He was already gone more than he was there with Alma Jr. an' Jenny. We didn't need no third child comin' into a family with a Daddy who wasn't never 'round. We was already strugglin' so hard t'make ends meet fer th'four of us. M'job down at th'convenience store didn't provide no big income, an' Ennis was havin' trouble findin' a steady job fer himself.
Maybe it wasn't no bad excuse that I gave 'em. Or maybe I just found a lot o'reasons fer us t'stop makin' love completely. Maybe we could o'had a third child, an' we could o'managed t'make thangs work. Maybe I was just lookin' fer excuses t'explain why I had t'do what I did next. Maybe I had t'justify my takin' away th'kids and filin' fer divorce.
Maybe I was just scared.
Muse l Alma Del Mar
Fandom l Misc. Movies (Brokeback Mountain)
355 Words. (Without opening quotes)
"As far behind as we are on th'bills, it makes me nervous not t'use any sort o'protection."
"If you don't want no more o'my kids, I'll be happy t'just leave you alone."
"I'd have 'em if you'd support 'em."
I ain't never enjoyed makin' love t'Ennis. I loved 'em, after all. I'd always loved 'em. But I knew that our love makin' wasn't th'same fer 'em. I could tell by th'way he looked at me, pretendin' t'see someone else, or th'way he'd close his eyes so he could pretend I wasn't who I was. An' I knew it was Jack that he was thinkin' 'bout. It wasn't me no more.
When we was first married, he'd look at me while we made love. He'd touch m'face, bringin' his lips close t'mine, breathin' on my skin. But he'd look at me. Th'only time he'd close his eyes was when he was finishin', an' that was normal.
But that night, I couldn't do it no more. I couldn't ignore him closin' his eyes, lookin' at me but not seein' me .. it got t'be too much fer me. Without th'love that was there in th'beginnin' of our marriage, our makin' love wasn't no good anymore. I guess it served its purpose if we was both feelin' lonely, but it wasn't never th'same.
An' besides all that, I didn't want no more kids. Not with Ennis. He was already gone more than he was there with Alma Jr. an' Jenny. We didn't need no third child comin' into a family with a Daddy who wasn't never 'round. We was already strugglin' so hard t'make ends meet fer th'four of us. M'job down at th'convenience store didn't provide no big income, an' Ennis was havin' trouble findin' a steady job fer himself.
Maybe it wasn't no bad excuse that I gave 'em. Or maybe I just found a lot o'reasons fer us t'stop makin' love completely. Maybe we could o'had a third child, an' we could o'managed t'make thangs work. Maybe I was just lookin' fer excuses t'explain why I had t'do what I did next. Maybe I had t'justify my takin' away th'kids and filin' fer divorce.
Maybe I was just scared.
Muse l Alma Del Mar
Fandom l Misc. Movies (Brokeback Mountain)
355 Words. (Without opening quotes)