yeah...

[trumpet_fuzz]

It's strange how much my life has completely changed within a month, and how little it seems to be affecting me.  I'm now officially a big bad college student... yay me.  It's weird and I'm not sure how to explain it... but I feel like I'm pretty much void of feelings lately.  My boyfriend who had been nothing but wonderful to me kept saying how much he missed me after I moved out, but I realized that I didn't miss him.  I mean, I expected to not miss my parents and some of my friends who weren't that close; but how did I not miss my boyfriend?  In fact.. I actually found myself getting indirectly annoyed with him b/c I felt like I was being held back from going out and meeting new guys (not as guys to be interested in, but just guys in general).  I felt like a bitch and like I was being unfair to him for feeling that way, but hey it's not like I can help how I feel.  Anyway, after much deliberation and all around feeling horrible about myself, I decided to break up with him over the weekend.  I was afraid that it would be the wrong decision and that I only felt that way b/c of being in a new situation...  so it ended up being more of a break until I know for sure for sure.  But the weird thing is I don't feel sad about it, but I don't feel relieved or happy either.  It's just another thing that... happened.  Just like everything else lately.  Maybe it's just the fact that I started a new life and just flat out no longer care about the old one.  I dunno, it just kinda confuses me and I needed to write it out.

On a lighter note, I absolutely looove college. :)  And being in the Iowa State University Cyclone Footbal "Varsity" Marching Band (longest abbreviation ever, I know haha) rocks and you're super jealous. :)