Let's face it...we've changed...

[trumangal]

Last night was awesome. I really needed the conversation and the people. I had only planned to hang at the park for a very short time, but I realized that I needed to take the time and talk to certain people. I'm so glad I did. I wish I wasn't so far away from the people I love from here most of the time. There are so many times when I wish I had a way of instantly going from one place to another...when someone needs me, or I need them, or both. Though we talk online and sometimes on the phone, it is not the same thing. The physical support isn't there. The talk last night made me think on some of my friendships that have changed so drastically...especially in the last year. I've become so much closer to some people, and grown so far apart from others. I was reading a good friend's blog today, that I hadn't read in the past. She mentioned that her 'old' friends had changed so much, and that she wasn't sure she wanted to change anymore. I guess I can understand that...but I guess in some ways I feel a little betrayed. I would never ask her to change who she is/was/wants to become, and I would hope that she wouldn't ask that of me. I'm a firm believer in supporting my friends, even when I feel they are making a mistake, and I guess I just wish for the same from those who I consider friends. Maybe I feel more offended than I should, because I am probably the happiest I have truly been in my entire life. Sure I've made mistakes this year, but who didn't? They may not be the same things, but when have we all wanted to be the same? I can't imagine myself anyplace else and on a different track than I am. Maybe I feel offended because of the combination of this with some other things she has said to me before...that make me think that she feels that I've turned into this horrible unChristian person. What's funny about that is...as well as being the happiest that I have ever been, I also feel the closest to God that I can ever remember. I want to go to church on Sundays and Wednesdays, and when I am there, I feel a presence reassuring me that I am ok, and always will be no matter what mistakes I make, or what tragedies happen that are out of my control. I don't know, maybe I shouldn't take it personally, but it does hurt. I love this girl, and always will...and I would hope from the same from her.

On another note, I go back to Truman in less than a week. Though, I will be the only one up there for a couple of days, since I'm moving in even earlier than I have to for training, because my mom has to get back to Wichita for work. I'm excited to see all my friends from school. I have been kind of lacking in talking to people from there this summer. I don't particularly know why. I haven't been incredibly busy, but maybe I have been enough to keep me away from the computer for a lot of the time. I'm sure a lot of things will be different this year...I certainly hope some things are. Of course I hope school continues to go just as well as it has been, and that the SA job will be as much fun and as rewarding as I am thinking it will be. I also am kind of hoping for a good relationship to develop for me, though I think I will be ok if it doesn't. This summer I've really tried to focus on being happy with who I am, and though that isn't always the case, I'm hoping to keep working on that this year. I am also hoping to stay in better touch with some people away from school than I did last year...I'm sure we will all need the support.

I guess that's it for now, I'm sorry for the ranting...I just needed to let it out

Love to all