Why does everything hurt so much?

[trumangal]

I guess it's time for another angst filled post. In some ways I am suprised I have last this long. I have been home almost two weeks. I miss school...and people...I think I have come to realize that the distraction provided at school is what keeps me sane. Whether it's true or not, the companionship I find there makes me feel wanted...even needed. Here...I come to reflect on relationships of all kinds in my life, and as usual, am probably way over critical of them. Maybe I just don't feel good enough about myself...that no one could ever really appreciate me, for just me. Is it so hard?? I should be happy...I excell at school, play cello exceedingly well for the amount of time I give it, have to parents who would do anything for me...so why am I not really happy... Sure...during the day, when I have something to do, tv to distract me, I'm happy enough...but when the sun goes down and everything gets quiet...I realize that I'm really not happy...that I'm just distracted most of the time...and maybe that's why school holds such release...I'm almost always distracted by something there...there isn't enough time for me to be by myself and wondering what is going on...

ok...as much as I'm sure everyone is enjoying this (not...) I'm leaving it here...

later