Do what you want, but remember I could be a good friend...
hmm...again I haven't updated in a while, but things are going pretty well. Lindsay and I have become fast friends...we have spent the past three nights talking for at least 4 hours...last night it was 8. We are so similar, and, I feel anyways, are looking for the same thing in a friendship. I am really glad that I have gotten to know her better, and I hope that we can remain fast friends in the future. Greg and I have not been able to talk much recently. Both he and I are really busy and are free times don't seem to ever coincide. I think I'm in the mood for another long, heartfelt talk with him, though talking to Lindsay definitely tides that need...
I guess I just want a guys opinion on some issues...and maybe should have talked to him about something I did today (or yesterday as it is now four in the morning)...I think I might have made a stupid mistake. After trying to deal with a long-term situation in various ways, I decided to take the ball out of the middle and firmly place it in another's court. While this may not seem stupid, and definitely didn't seem stupid at the time I did it, I feel like I made a mistake. Maybe I left the situation as it was too long, and should have just left things as they were...like I said in my previous posts maybe it's just an irreparable situation. And maybe I am reading too much into certain things... I guess I will see what happens, because I am definitely not going to be the one to take any future action...since I'm not sure I should have taken any action at all.
The romantic situation in my life...is...well...complicated I guess would be the best term. I think I have ascertained more qualities that I am looking for in a relationship, but the problem is, the guys who seem to hold an interest in me don't have them...and the guys who don't hold an interest do have these qualities. Though I know I should just sit back and let God direct me to the right person, and that I need to realize that the person may not come for a long while, it's hard. I want some that I can turn to...that I know will always have time for me...that I can snuggle with, without implications...someone to hold my hand...someone to slow dance with...someone who can convey with a smile or a kiss just how much they care...someone to push me on the swings...someone to walk with at 4 in the morning...
The are guys out there that like me, or at least used to like me, but the problem is, I know that they are not the people I will marry. Though they are great guys, some of whom I would love to get to know better or continue friendships with, they just do not have the qualities that I'm looking for...the qualities I feel are necessary to enter into a lifetime relationship with. So many people seem content to just casually date people, even if they cannot even consider the person as a 'long term possibility.' I think I'm too much of a focused person for that. I do not see the point of being in a relationship with a person that I don't see myself with longterm...maybe I'm just crazy...because I would certainly love to have a relationship right now, but then I think that I definitely don't want to enter into a relationship with the wrong person, just because I want a relationship...I wish things weren't so complicated. I was talking to Christina online the other night and I told her that "I just wish God would take a person and set them down in front of another person and say 'This is your soulmate...go love them, and have fun'"...but that just doesn't happen does it...
This seems to have turned into a rant-filled post. For that I apologize. I have been in a very sappy, reflective mood for about a week or a week and a half now. Maybe because the year is drawing to a close and I find myself looking back on the year. The good things, the bad things, the mistakes, the lessons, things I would have done differently, things I would have done the same, things I wish I would have done, things I wish I hadn't...
Not that many people read this anymore but I guess I'll do this...and if you read it...well...I guess you read it...
Lindsay- Who would have imagined I would find such a good friend this late in the year. I can't believe I just really have started getting to know you in the last two months. I would say we were getting as close as sisters, but I don't think we bicker enough for that. I said I was looking for that true friend that I felt like everyone else had in their life...I think you are well on your way (if not already there) to becoming that friend for me, and I hope, that I am becoming one for you. I know I will love being on staff with you next year. You will be a light in the darkness...always there will a hand up if I need it...and I hope I can do the same for you.
Greg- What can I say? You have been a true confident for me. How you could have seen through a line that I use so often and see the truth still amazes me. You are an amazing man and an amazing friend. I wish you luck in all your endevors...in life, love, work...I am sorry that we will be across campus from eachother next year. You can bet that I will be making the trek to Ryle, and I hope you will make that trek to C-hall often as well...
Megan- You are an awesome girl...though you can be ditsy sometimes... but don't think of this as a bad thing. You make me laugh, even when I don't feel like laughing. I thank you for including me in your already firm friendships. I will miss having you as a roommate next year. The few late-night talks and excursions we have taken will always hold a dear place in my heart. And talk about the parties... Please remember to take care of yourself. Don't let anyone talk you out of your values, they are yours and yours alone, and you have a right too have them. Follow where your heart and mind say you should go, and you will head in the right direction...
Katie Shannon- What can I say...you are someone who takes care of everyone. You notice when something is wrong, and know just when to come over and give someone a hug. Your confidence in yourself is an inspiration. What fun we will have as SAs next year...make sure you remember your dear friends in C-hall...
Jo- The horrors of biology we have faced this year! I have loved being your suitemate and will miss you next year. Thanks for letting me raid your closet for many of my excursions. Make sure to come visit me in C-hall, and I definitely will be making the trips to Ryle. Enjoy the 'quad' next year...and only 4 people to a shower now...
Chrissy- I am so glad that I have gotten to know you. You are a beautiful girl and don't give yourself enough credit. I'm glad that you and Megan will be within walking distance (though it's probably a good thing I won't be your guys' SA) I hope you don't mind me stopping by for a late night conversation sometimes... Remember to appreciate yourself, and make sure that others give you the respect you deserve. Look for a guy that will make you the happiest woman alive!
Angela- I love you girl. You have held me up spiritually in many ways. You have reminded me many times that I want to be a good Christian and Catholic, and of what those two things are. I'm sorry that it didn't work out for us to be roommates next year...but at least you're in C-hall with me...Good luck with your music. I can't even imagine putting in the time and effort it will take for you to accomplish your goal, but I understand the feeling of being called to a certain thing. You seem to be very content as you are, and I hope that things continue to be this way for you. Try and get me to come swimming some next year...I definitely have been slacking...
Matt- What confusion has been caused because of you...and I wouldn't change it for the world. Though some things have caused many bumps in the road (the introduction to alcohol I'm blaming solely on you!), they would not have put me on the path I'm on...which I hope is the correct one, at least for the time. You have become a good friend that keeps things light-hearted. You remind me that it is ok for me to let loose and have a good time, in fact you often insist on it. I wish that I had discussed some things with you sooner...instead have waiting for you to approach me, but maybe that is all for the best. We have a friendship that hopefully will last for a long time...I'm glad you have found DX and that it makes you happy! Don't forget about school though...fun in college is great, and definitely a part, but don't forget that you are hear to learn and grow...and some of that does happen in the classroom...You're definitely close enough to come visit me next year...so you better!
Steve- Much confusion on your part too...I would love to get to know you better. Expect at least one Lindsay to be visiting your apartment sometime next year! Drinking games are evil...and I will blame my introduction to them on you! Don't forget to come to classes next year, since you'll be so far away...lol
Brandon- I'm sorry things ended on such a bad note. I had hoped that they would much more amicably than it ended up. Though I am glad that I took a step back and examined myself...I would not change the time we had together. It was a good thing for me, and I hope, was a good thing for you. I'm sorry that I seemed to hurt you so much, that definitely was not my intention. I have no clue what your plans are for next year, but I wish you luck. You will find a girl, and that girl will make you happier than you ever were with me. I hope at some point the bitterness can end...
Everyone else: I love you guys. You have become my unofficial family. To those of you who are leaving next year, you will be sorely missed. I wish you luck, wherever you go. To those of you staying, I hope the years to come hold as much excitement and fun as this year has.
Ok...I guess that covers it for now...It's now almost 6 in the morning...and I guess I'm going for 15 hours of sleep in three days...and I was going to go to bed early tonight too...Oh well...somethings had to be done...things to be waited on...and people to talk to...
Song of the day:
Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice
That heartsick look in your eyes
You hide it very well, but I've got the same disguise
I know from all you see around you
You feel worth a very small price
So plain and ordinary, but there's a pearl inside
And if you look in the mirror in the light of the truth
You'll see there's really nothing you could say or do
To make you worth more to the One who made you
[Chorus:]
Your are a treasure
Worth more than anything under the sun or the moon
God's greatest treasure
Is the treasure of you
The rich man treasures gold and silver
The wise man, his knowledge of truth
Some will hold to memories and some will cling to youth
But the one who carved out the oceans
And painted the stars in the sky
You are His prized creation, the apple of His eye
There's no one else in the world who could take your place
Just the thought of you brings a smile to His face
God loves you with amazing grace
[Chorus]
[Bridge:]
So take a look in the mirror in the light of the truth
Oh, yes it's true
See there's nothing more you can say or do
God loves the way He created you
[Chorus]
From the T to the R to the E to the A to the S to the U to the R to the E
God made everything and everything He made
More than anything He treasures you and me
Check in in the mirror in the light of the truth
There is nothing you will ever say and nothing you will do
The will ever make God care more than He does for the treasure
God's treasure is you
I guess I just want a guys opinion on some issues...and maybe should have talked to him about something I did today (or yesterday as it is now four in the morning)...I think I might have made a stupid mistake. After trying to deal with a long-term situation in various ways, I decided to take the ball out of the middle and firmly place it in another's court. While this may not seem stupid, and definitely didn't seem stupid at the time I did it, I feel like I made a mistake. Maybe I left the situation as it was too long, and should have just left things as they were...like I said in my previous posts maybe it's just an irreparable situation. And maybe I am reading too much into certain things... I guess I will see what happens, because I am definitely not going to be the one to take any future action...since I'm not sure I should have taken any action at all.
The romantic situation in my life...is...well...complicated I guess would be the best term. I think I have ascertained more qualities that I am looking for in a relationship, but the problem is, the guys who seem to hold an interest in me don't have them...and the guys who don't hold an interest do have these qualities. Though I know I should just sit back and let God direct me to the right person, and that I need to realize that the person may not come for a long while, it's hard. I want some that I can turn to...that I know will always have time for me...that I can snuggle with, without implications...someone to hold my hand...someone to slow dance with...someone who can convey with a smile or a kiss just how much they care...someone to push me on the swings...someone to walk with at 4 in the morning...
The are guys out there that like me, or at least used to like me, but the problem is, I know that they are not the people I will marry. Though they are great guys, some of whom I would love to get to know better or continue friendships with, they just do not have the qualities that I'm looking for...the qualities I feel are necessary to enter into a lifetime relationship with. So many people seem content to just casually date people, even if they cannot even consider the person as a 'long term possibility.' I think I'm too much of a focused person for that. I do not see the point of being in a relationship with a person that I don't see myself with longterm...maybe I'm just crazy...because I would certainly love to have a relationship right now, but then I think that I definitely don't want to enter into a relationship with the wrong person, just because I want a relationship...I wish things weren't so complicated. I was talking to Christina online the other night and I told her that "I just wish God would take a person and set them down in front of another person and say 'This is your soulmate...go love them, and have fun'"...but that just doesn't happen does it...
This seems to have turned into a rant-filled post. For that I apologize. I have been in a very sappy, reflective mood for about a week or a week and a half now. Maybe because the year is drawing to a close and I find myself looking back on the year. The good things, the bad things, the mistakes, the lessons, things I would have done differently, things I would have done the same, things I wish I would have done, things I wish I hadn't...
Not that many people read this anymore but I guess I'll do this...and if you read it...well...I guess you read it...
Lindsay- Who would have imagined I would find such a good friend this late in the year. I can't believe I just really have started getting to know you in the last two months. I would say we were getting as close as sisters, but I don't think we bicker enough for that. I said I was looking for that true friend that I felt like everyone else had in their life...I think you are well on your way (if not already there) to becoming that friend for me, and I hope, that I am becoming one for you. I know I will love being on staff with you next year. You will be a light in the darkness...always there will a hand up if I need it...and I hope I can do the same for you.
Greg- What can I say? You have been a true confident for me. How you could have seen through a line that I use so often and see the truth still amazes me. You are an amazing man and an amazing friend. I wish you luck in all your endevors...in life, love, work...I am sorry that we will be across campus from eachother next year. You can bet that I will be making the trek to Ryle, and I hope you will make that trek to C-hall often as well...
Megan- You are an awesome girl...though you can be ditsy sometimes... but don't think of this as a bad thing. You make me laugh, even when I don't feel like laughing. I thank you for including me in your already firm friendships. I will miss having you as a roommate next year. The few late-night talks and excursions we have taken will always hold a dear place in my heart. And talk about the parties... Please remember to take care of yourself. Don't let anyone talk you out of your values, they are yours and yours alone, and you have a right too have them. Follow where your heart and mind say you should go, and you will head in the right direction...
Katie Shannon- What can I say...you are someone who takes care of everyone. You notice when something is wrong, and know just when to come over and give someone a hug. Your confidence in yourself is an inspiration. What fun we will have as SAs next year...make sure you remember your dear friends in C-hall...
Jo- The horrors of biology we have faced this year! I have loved being your suitemate and will miss you next year. Thanks for letting me raid your closet for many of my excursions. Make sure to come visit me in C-hall, and I definitely will be making the trips to Ryle. Enjoy the 'quad' next year...and only 4 people to a shower now...
Chrissy- I am so glad that I have gotten to know you. You are a beautiful girl and don't give yourself enough credit. I'm glad that you and Megan will be within walking distance (though it's probably a good thing I won't be your guys' SA) I hope you don't mind me stopping by for a late night conversation sometimes... Remember to appreciate yourself, and make sure that others give you the respect you deserve. Look for a guy that will make you the happiest woman alive!
Angela- I love you girl. You have held me up spiritually in many ways. You have reminded me many times that I want to be a good Christian and Catholic, and of what those two things are. I'm sorry that it didn't work out for us to be roommates next year...but at least you're in C-hall with me...Good luck with your music. I can't even imagine putting in the time and effort it will take for you to accomplish your goal, but I understand the feeling of being called to a certain thing. You seem to be very content as you are, and I hope that things continue to be this way for you. Try and get me to come swimming some next year...I definitely have been slacking...
Matt- What confusion has been caused because of you...and I wouldn't change it for the world. Though some things have caused many bumps in the road (the introduction to alcohol I'm blaming solely on you!), they would not have put me on the path I'm on...which I hope is the correct one, at least for the time. You have become a good friend that keeps things light-hearted. You remind me that it is ok for me to let loose and have a good time, in fact you often insist on it. I wish that I had discussed some things with you sooner...instead have waiting for you to approach me, but maybe that is all for the best. We have a friendship that hopefully will last for a long time...I'm glad you have found DX and that it makes you happy! Don't forget about school though...fun in college is great, and definitely a part, but don't forget that you are hear to learn and grow...and some of that does happen in the classroom...You're definitely close enough to come visit me next year...so you better!
Steve- Much confusion on your part too...I would love to get to know you better. Expect at least one Lindsay to be visiting your apartment sometime next year! Drinking games are evil...and I will blame my introduction to them on you! Don't forget to come to classes next year, since you'll be so far away...lol
Brandon- I'm sorry things ended on such a bad note. I had hoped that they would much more amicably than it ended up. Though I am glad that I took a step back and examined myself...I would not change the time we had together. It was a good thing for me, and I hope, was a good thing for you. I'm sorry that I seemed to hurt you so much, that definitely was not my intention. I have no clue what your plans are for next year, but I wish you luck. You will find a girl, and that girl will make you happier than you ever were with me. I hope at some point the bitterness can end...
Everyone else: I love you guys. You have become my unofficial family. To those of you who are leaving next year, you will be sorely missed. I wish you luck, wherever you go. To those of you staying, I hope the years to come hold as much excitement and fun as this year has.
Ok...I guess that covers it for now...It's now almost 6 in the morning...and I guess I'm going for 15 hours of sleep in three days...and I was going to go to bed early tonight too...Oh well...somethings had to be done...things to be waited on...and people to talk to...
Song of the day:
Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice
That heartsick look in your eyes
You hide it very well, but I've got the same disguise
I know from all you see around you
You feel worth a very small price
So plain and ordinary, but there's a pearl inside
And if you look in the mirror in the light of the truth
You'll see there's really nothing you could say or do
To make you worth more to the One who made you
[Chorus:]
Your are a treasure
Worth more than anything under the sun or the moon
God's greatest treasure
Is the treasure of you
The rich man treasures gold and silver
The wise man, his knowledge of truth
Some will hold to memories and some will cling to youth
But the one who carved out the oceans
And painted the stars in the sky
You are His prized creation, the apple of His eye
There's no one else in the world who could take your place
Just the thought of you brings a smile to His face
God loves you with amazing grace
[Chorus]
[Bridge:]
So take a look in the mirror in the light of the truth
Oh, yes it's true
See there's nothing more you can say or do
God loves the way He created you
[Chorus]
From the T to the R to the E to the A to the S to the U to the R to the E
God made everything and everything He made
More than anything He treasures you and me
Check in in the mirror in the light of the truth
There is nothing you will ever say and nothing you will do
The will ever make God care more than He does for the treasure
God's treasure is you