worried
how can I say what I want to say without worrying about being taken the wrong way? how can I feel so...
inadequate
and unable to find the right words that will help? I want to hear your voice but... the reality of it is, I can't bring myself to. I know my words wouldn't do any justice... and neither would my emotions. It's as if I'm too far away, but I still want to try. Even if I can't be, I want to help someone be your happiness... because ... that's what I feel like.
Shit... I sound so pathetic.
I want to watch Escaflowne right now... I need to watch that again, anything again... If only for distraction. I need to be distracted from beating myself up, from asking impossible questions of myself, because I don't want to be depressed! I want to be able to smile for real this time.
There are two words that I have avoided for years: 'wish' and 'hate'.
I hate this.