Picking Up the Fragments of My Heart
Okay, I claim responsibility for what went on. It's ironic that when you really care about someone, someone who shares the same interests in philosophy, literature, and music, and then you lose that person, you feel like you lost everything. That's what happened to me. I feel like I lost everything...I lost hope, I lost my muse, I lost my daemon of inspiration when I lost what was my special someone....when I lost what was formerly mine. I just don't understand it...I thought I gave him what he wanted: a woman with a mind of her own. Was this someone my only chance of EVER attaining a real masculine force, something real, something tangible?
I have always prided myself on being unique and having special interests, but what's the purpose if you can't share them with someone else? Am I too old for my interests and philosophies? Am I becoming obsolete in the minds of those of the opposite sex? This other person, she's so much prettier than I am, was that what it was: it was becoming too much of The Odd Couple so maybe he decided to break it off with me before he got too close? So maybe I misconstrued his well-intended advice as putdowns and criticism? How can you appreciate something you never had?
I have my son, but I have no one by my side, so it looks like I was just out being a slut and a gold digger. There seems to be a lot of stigma attached to being a "single mom". Who wants a woman with a child? Would that not explain things, as far as me not having anyone? I've lost everything...and I don't know how to start picking up the pieces..maybe I would've been better off not saying anything at all...maybe I'm too weak for real love.
I have always prided myself on being unique and having special interests, but what's the purpose if you can't share them with someone else? Am I too old for my interests and philosophies? Am I becoming obsolete in the minds of those of the opposite sex? This other person, she's so much prettier than I am, was that what it was: it was becoming too much of The Odd Couple so maybe he decided to break it off with me before he got too close? So maybe I misconstrued his well-intended advice as putdowns and criticism? How can you appreciate something you never had?
I have my son, but I have no one by my side, so it looks like I was just out being a slut and a gold digger. There seems to be a lot of stigma attached to being a "single mom". Who wants a woman with a child? Would that not explain things, as far as me not having anyone? I've lost everything...and I don't know how to start picking up the pieces..maybe I would've been better off not saying anything at all...maybe I'm too weak for real love.