Bust out the Lil' Smokies, he's doing it again!
A and I have a tradition that began three dark years ago. When the Chimp-in-Charge speaks, we listen - armed.
Armed with a vast array of weapons of ass destruction and a lot of bean bags. I share this ritual with hopes that it will inspire you to make your own tradition.
Fear of an crappy economy, prospects of making just above the poverty line, and the frightening realization that the world was starting to “strongly dislike” our approach to the 9/11 attacks, prompted my husband and I to make a “Presidential Meal” for the first State of the Union speech made by Bush-the-Lesser in January of 2002.
We dined on the food we felt we would be able to afford for the next three years under Bush’s rule, and a typically “American” meal that would draw disgust from people around the world.
We made pigs-in-a-blanket, mac and cheese, jello and kool-aid (with a bit of cheap vodka). We finished with a dessert of swiss cake rolls.
The pigs in a blanket were made using only the finest Lil’ Smokies sausages and Pillsbury Crescent Rolls, the mac and cheese was Kraft of course, the Jell-O was lime and the Kool-Aid was Cherry, with a delightful nose that left a refreshing moustache after consuming. The swiss cake rolls were handcrafted by that American icon herself - Little Debbie.
We also opted to practice our 2nd Amendment right to bear arms - and did so with an assortment of lethal pillows, beanbags and balls of tinfoil.
As we gather tonight, our nation is at war, our economy is in recession, and the civilized world faces unprecedented dangers. Yet the state of our Union has never been stronger. (Applause.)
Those were the first words the Chimp uttered after thanking the wizard who was sitting behind the curtain, er, behind him.
While the audience applauded A and I looked at each other realized Black was the new White, Lies were the new Truth and Everything You Know is WRONG.
We threw beanbags.
And thus a tradition was born.
January 23, 2003 - Next Verse, Same as the First, Only Worse…
Different threats require different strategies. In Iran we continue to see a government that represses its people, pursues weapons of mass destruction and supports terror.
We also see Iranian citizens risking intimidation and death as they speak out for liberty and human rights and democracy. Iranians, like all people, have a right to choose their own government, and determine their own destiny, and the United States supports their aspirations to live in freedom.
On the Korean Peninsula, an oppressive regime rules a people living in fear and starvation. Throughout the 1990s, the United States relied on a negotiated framework to keep North Korea from gaining nuclear weapons. We now know that that regime was deceiving the world and developing those weapons all along.
And today the North Korean regime is using its nuclear program to incite fear and seek concessions.
Remember that terrifying laundry list of future targets? Us too! Cue tinfoil balls and have some more Jell-O… there’s always room for Jell-O (and several different theaters of war!).
January 20, 2004
Okay I have to put in our favorite moment:
Key provisions of the Patriot Act are set to expire next year. (Applause.)
Didn’t expect applause on that did you dipshit? (Clink Kool-Aid in celebration).
It went downhill from there, I won’t bore you.
And so we are brought to tonight. The fourth State of the Union. What will you do? I’ll be armed with food that will cause my arteries to harden and tinfoil balls that also can be smoothed out to double as hats. I wish you and yours the best as you sit down at 9pm (EST) tonight - we’re in for a bumpy ride.
Armed with a vast array of weapons of ass destruction and a lot of bean bags. I share this ritual with hopes that it will inspire you to make your own tradition.
Fear of an crappy economy, prospects of making just above the poverty line, and the frightening realization that the world was starting to “strongly dislike” our approach to the 9/11 attacks, prompted my husband and I to make a “Presidential Meal” for the first State of the Union speech made by Bush-the-Lesser in January of 2002.
We dined on the food we felt we would be able to afford for the next three years under Bush’s rule, and a typically “American” meal that would draw disgust from people around the world.
We made pigs-in-a-blanket, mac and cheese, jello and kool-aid (with a bit of cheap vodka). We finished with a dessert of swiss cake rolls.
The pigs in a blanket were made using only the finest Lil’ Smokies sausages and Pillsbury Crescent Rolls, the mac and cheese was Kraft of course, the Jell-O was lime and the Kool-Aid was Cherry, with a delightful nose that left a refreshing moustache after consuming. The swiss cake rolls were handcrafted by that American icon herself - Little Debbie.
We also opted to practice our 2nd Amendment right to bear arms - and did so with an assortment of lethal pillows, beanbags and balls of tinfoil.
As we gather tonight, our nation is at war, our economy is in recession, and the civilized world faces unprecedented dangers. Yet the state of our Union has never been stronger. (Applause.)
Those were the first words the Chimp uttered after thanking the wizard who was sitting behind the curtain, er, behind him.
While the audience applauded A and I looked at each other realized Black was the new White, Lies were the new Truth and Everything You Know is WRONG.
We threw beanbags.
And thus a tradition was born.
January 23, 2003 - Next Verse, Same as the First, Only Worse…
Different threats require different strategies. In Iran we continue to see a government that represses its people, pursues weapons of mass destruction and supports terror.
We also see Iranian citizens risking intimidation and death as they speak out for liberty and human rights and democracy. Iranians, like all people, have a right to choose their own government, and determine their own destiny, and the United States supports their aspirations to live in freedom.
On the Korean Peninsula, an oppressive regime rules a people living in fear and starvation. Throughout the 1990s, the United States relied on a negotiated framework to keep North Korea from gaining nuclear weapons. We now know that that regime was deceiving the world and developing those weapons all along.
And today the North Korean regime is using its nuclear program to incite fear and seek concessions.
Remember that terrifying laundry list of future targets? Us too! Cue tinfoil balls and have some more Jell-O… there’s always room for Jell-O (and several different theaters of war!).
January 20, 2004
Okay I have to put in our favorite moment:
Key provisions of the Patriot Act are set to expire next year. (Applause.)
Didn’t expect applause on that did you dipshit? (Clink Kool-Aid in celebration).
It went downhill from there, I won’t bore you.
And so we are brought to tonight. The fourth State of the Union. What will you do? I’ll be armed with food that will cause my arteries to harden and tinfoil balls that also can be smoothed out to double as hats. I wish you and yours the best as you sit down at 9pm (EST) tonight - we’re in for a bumpy ride.