a fanfic, my first one ever. b/a of course ;)
Her eyes sparkled like frozen glass, because that's sure what she felt like inside. Her heart had been broken too many times and the stitches that were shakily holding it together once again, well ever so slowly seaming apart at the sides. She watched him walk away, her heart breaking one more time, but this time, it was different. The way it broke, the way the emptiness filled her up inside, it was almost unbearable. Not that it hadn't been before, but this time her heart could never love again. Even if it could, her heart wouldn't. She wouldn't let it.
Her cries subsided just enough for her to utter the simplest word, but yet a word with such powerful meaning. As she watched him disappear into the light, her lips managed to get it out. It was the hardest thing she had ever done.
"Goodbye."
It was almost a whisper, and of course he couldn't hear her. He was already long gone, but not by his own free will. Oh god. Life is so unfair.
-----------------------------
So her life went on, but not a day went by she didn't think of that day, of what she lost. She had turned down so many young men, not ever telling them the real reason why. But to her, it was so obvious.
She had thrown out all of their pictures, what little of them she had that is. He had never liked his picture taken. To look at them was just too hard, even though what they had was one of a kind.
Every now and then, she thinks she sees him mixed in the crowd. His dark hair, the way he walked, but no. He is far away, living the same life as her. One filled only with emptiness. If only they had realized what they were doing sooner.
----------------------------
He sits, staring at his reflection that isn't there. It's pretty much how he feels inside now a days. He doesn't even know the man he's become, if you could even call what he is a man. He is glad there is nothing he sees, for if there was, he would not recognize the figure there now. He is not like he was before. His eyes don't sparkle like they once did, and his skin is a little less pale looking from what it was. What is was with her. Even back then, the dead life he lived, she always seemed to make him glow. He walks around, hiding from the light but he keeps thinking about what it would be like if he just didn't go inside one night. How it would feel to have the sunlight on his face once again, oh how he longs for that day. But then he remembers, he can't feel.
----------------------------
She likes to make believe nothing ever changed. That he would be there when she awoke and then again when she went to dream. She wakes every morning, suddenly remembering he is not there, not there to hold her, to tell it would be alright. Not even there to make her smile, because nothing makes her smile these days. Her frown is plastered onto her face and forever it will stay, untouched and unmoved, until the end of her days.
----------------------------
He is dreaming. A dream he could not remember ever happening in real life, but for once, he felt so sure that it did.
** Silently slipping the sealed envelope into her drawer, he watched her sleep. He just wanted to watch her sleep but at the same time, he desperately wanted her to wake up. But he knew that could not be. So, once again, he slipped away into the night, leaving behind his life and what he loved so much. **
----------------------------
She was cleaning her room, something that sickenly helped her to get her mind offof things. She throws numerous things out, not realizing the mistake she has made in doing so. Something though. Something makes her look back, and pick the crumpled white envelope up from where it had fell. With only one word written on its front in the handwriting she just knew too well, it sat there, staring up at her, screaming at her to open it. But part of her doesn't want to. She doesn't want to stir up the past again, it would be too painful. Yet still, she manages to gather all the little courage she had left, and do something she never thought she'd do. Slowly opening the envelope, she removes the tainted parchment and with tears forming in her eyes, she read:
Buffy, my love. Although this may sound crazy, or untrue, it's not. I know this must be hard for you, because it is extremely hard and painful for me. But we once beat the same heart, so I know.
Her eyes froze on that one line.
"But we once beat the same heart."
"What?" She thought aloud, it being a whisper.
Wanting to know more, her heart pounding in her ears, she read on:
I need to tell you this, but it's so hard for me. I usually don't cry, but this, it made me cry. I cried so hard, I didn't think I could ever stop.
A tear fell from her eye and she didn't even wipe it away this time.
There was a day, a day you will never remember, but a day that haunts me everytime I sleep. What happened that day I will never forget, but my heart still breaks knowing that you will never once know. It will never ever once even be in the grasp of your memory. It is just too far out of reach.
There was a day you came to see me, and later that day, although you had no idea, my chest began moving up and down again and the mirror, it looked back at me. I went to see you and I just held you in my arms, felt your lips against mine and it was the best feeling in the world. I never wanted to let you go, but deep within my newly beating heart, I knew. Something this good couldn't last. So thats when I found out. I found out something that stopped my world from turning. I had to go back. When I told you, it was almost as if you knew because your face, it was filled with such hurt. You then collapsed into my arms as we shared one last kiss, then as we watched the time slowly turn back on itself. I held you so tight and the last words I said were, 'I love you.'
The whole deal I had made with the oracals was that I had to go on living what was left of my so called life, remembering everything that happened that day, but you. You would never ever remember a single thing. I never thought I would be able to tell you but now, the time just seems right.
She was sobbing now, tears streaming all the way down her face. She was so sure she could feel her heart sinking. To her, it wasn't even beating anymore.
But still, she read the last part:
I hope when you read this, you will not be entirely filled with sadness and regret, but with joy and thankfulness that something that precious we were able to share, together. Even though you don't remember that day, I do and I'm telling you, it happened. Buffy, I love you so much and if I could turn back time for you, I would in an instant. I hate how time stands so still. It's so cruel, to both me and you. I wish everyday, that you will somehow remember, but for now, this is all there is. I love you Buffy, so much, and I hope you can forgive me. Just remember, I will always be watching.
Love, Angel
--------------------------------
She sat there for a while, not being able to believe what she had just read. She sat there, screaming and crying 'no' to the letter, it slowly getting damp from her salty tears. But as she felt all hope was lost, she noticed something else inside the envelope. She lifted it out, looking at it, wide eyed. It was a picture of them. It was not a picture she remembered ever being taken, but then, that was the moment she realized.
And once again, she smiled.
-------------------------------
the end.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
please guys, this was my first fanfic ever, my first B/A one that is. So, feedback is greatly appreciated!! :D thank you! ♥
Her cries subsided just enough for her to utter the simplest word, but yet a word with such powerful meaning. As she watched him disappear into the light, her lips managed to get it out. It was the hardest thing she had ever done.
"Goodbye."
It was almost a whisper, and of course he couldn't hear her. He was already long gone, but not by his own free will. Oh god. Life is so unfair.
-----------------------------
So her life went on, but not a day went by she didn't think of that day, of what she lost. She had turned down so many young men, not ever telling them the real reason why. But to her, it was so obvious.
She had thrown out all of their pictures, what little of them she had that is. He had never liked his picture taken. To look at them was just too hard, even though what they had was one of a kind.
Every now and then, she thinks she sees him mixed in the crowd. His dark hair, the way he walked, but no. He is far away, living the same life as her. One filled only with emptiness. If only they had realized what they were doing sooner.
----------------------------
He sits, staring at his reflection that isn't there. It's pretty much how he feels inside now a days. He doesn't even know the man he's become, if you could even call what he is a man. He is glad there is nothing he sees, for if there was, he would not recognize the figure there now. He is not like he was before. His eyes don't sparkle like they once did, and his skin is a little less pale looking from what it was. What is was with her. Even back then, the dead life he lived, she always seemed to make him glow. He walks around, hiding from the light but he keeps thinking about what it would be like if he just didn't go inside one night. How it would feel to have the sunlight on his face once again, oh how he longs for that day. But then he remembers, he can't feel.
----------------------------
She likes to make believe nothing ever changed. That he would be there when she awoke and then again when she went to dream. She wakes every morning, suddenly remembering he is not there, not there to hold her, to tell it would be alright. Not even there to make her smile, because nothing makes her smile these days. Her frown is plastered onto her face and forever it will stay, untouched and unmoved, until the end of her days.
----------------------------
He is dreaming. A dream he could not remember ever happening in real life, but for once, he felt so sure that it did.
** Silently slipping the sealed envelope into her drawer, he watched her sleep. He just wanted to watch her sleep but at the same time, he desperately wanted her to wake up. But he knew that could not be. So, once again, he slipped away into the night, leaving behind his life and what he loved so much. **
----------------------------
She was cleaning her room, something that sickenly helped her to get her mind offof things. She throws numerous things out, not realizing the mistake she has made in doing so. Something though. Something makes her look back, and pick the crumpled white envelope up from where it had fell. With only one word written on its front in the handwriting she just knew too well, it sat there, staring up at her, screaming at her to open it. But part of her doesn't want to. She doesn't want to stir up the past again, it would be too painful. Yet still, she manages to gather all the little courage she had left, and do something she never thought she'd do. Slowly opening the envelope, she removes the tainted parchment and with tears forming in her eyes, she read:
Buffy, my love. Although this may sound crazy, or untrue, it's not. I know this must be hard for you, because it is extremely hard and painful for me. But we once beat the same heart, so I know.
Her eyes froze on that one line.
"But we once beat the same heart."
"What?" She thought aloud, it being a whisper.
Wanting to know more, her heart pounding in her ears, she read on:
I need to tell you this, but it's so hard for me. I usually don't cry, but this, it made me cry. I cried so hard, I didn't think I could ever stop.
A tear fell from her eye and she didn't even wipe it away this time.
There was a day, a day you will never remember, but a day that haunts me everytime I sleep. What happened that day I will never forget, but my heart still breaks knowing that you will never once know. It will never ever once even be in the grasp of your memory. It is just too far out of reach.
There was a day you came to see me, and later that day, although you had no idea, my chest began moving up and down again and the mirror, it looked back at me. I went to see you and I just held you in my arms, felt your lips against mine and it was the best feeling in the world. I never wanted to let you go, but deep within my newly beating heart, I knew. Something this good couldn't last. So thats when I found out. I found out something that stopped my world from turning. I had to go back. When I told you, it was almost as if you knew because your face, it was filled with such hurt. You then collapsed into my arms as we shared one last kiss, then as we watched the time slowly turn back on itself. I held you so tight and the last words I said were, 'I love you.'
The whole deal I had made with the oracals was that I had to go on living what was left of my so called life, remembering everything that happened that day, but you. You would never ever remember a single thing. I never thought I would be able to tell you but now, the time just seems right.
She was sobbing now, tears streaming all the way down her face. She was so sure she could feel her heart sinking. To her, it wasn't even beating anymore.
But still, she read the last part:
I hope when you read this, you will not be entirely filled with sadness and regret, but with joy and thankfulness that something that precious we were able to share, together. Even though you don't remember that day, I do and I'm telling you, it happened. Buffy, I love you so much and if I could turn back time for you, I would in an instant. I hate how time stands so still. It's so cruel, to both me and you. I wish everyday, that you will somehow remember, but for now, this is all there is. I love you Buffy, so much, and I hope you can forgive me. Just remember, I will always be watching.
Love, Angel
--------------------------------
She sat there for a while, not being able to believe what she had just read. She sat there, screaming and crying 'no' to the letter, it slowly getting damp from her salty tears. But as she felt all hope was lost, she noticed something else inside the envelope. She lifted it out, looking at it, wide eyed. It was a picture of them. It was not a picture she remembered ever being taken, but then, that was the moment she realized.
And once again, she smiled.
-------------------------------
the end.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
please guys, this was my first fanfic ever, my first B/A one that is. So, feedback is greatly appreciated!! :D thank you! ♥