(no subject)
My grandfather died the other week, the one I never really liked. At least I think. I was but a child at the time... But I remember not liking him 'cuz he booted his son (my father) and his family out of the house. And from that time on is when all my emotional and psychological problems started. Or were triggered. Or whatever. I don't regret much though. Anyway, this isn't about me. They had found out he had cancer, and all those radiation & whatever treatments later, apparently they couldn't get rid of it. I didn't think much of it at the time 'cuz I have so much faith in modern technology.
So today I found out him shooting himself was the cause of death. The cancer had spread throughout his body. He wrote in a note to his wife something about him not wanting her to watch him rot in a hospital bed. He had sent her out to the store to pick up something for him. Thats when he wrote his note and then shot himself in the head. We weren't at all that close, but it makes me think, and feel sad. Somehow I'm proud of him. Having the balls to do what he did. He was in a couple wars, so you can get an idea of what kinda man he was. I had thought his choice to go out was manly. Then my mother mentioned that she thought thats how he felt about it. It was either like this or drag out the rest of his inevitably painful life. In his head anyway. But I can also relate. We are after all akin. I respect him for the choice he made. Although its hard to think about. He chose this way to end his soon-to-be short lived life. His wife not suspecting a thing, coming home to find his skull and brains splattered everywhere. I am sad for the hand his health dealt him, the way his end had to be. But I don't miss him. I never did.
He was a Man, and thats how he lived his life.
So today I found out him shooting himself was the cause of death. The cancer had spread throughout his body. He wrote in a note to his wife something about him not wanting her to watch him rot in a hospital bed. He had sent her out to the store to pick up something for him. Thats when he wrote his note and then shot himself in the head. We weren't at all that close, but it makes me think, and feel sad. Somehow I'm proud of him. Having the balls to do what he did. He was in a couple wars, so you can get an idea of what kinda man he was. I had thought his choice to go out was manly. Then my mother mentioned that she thought thats how he felt about it. It was either like this or drag out the rest of his inevitably painful life. In his head anyway. But I can also relate. We are after all akin. I respect him for the choice he made. Although its hard to think about. He chose this way to end his soon-to-be short lived life. His wife not suspecting a thing, coming home to find his skull and brains splattered everywhere. I am sad for the hand his health dealt him, the way his end had to be. But I don't miss him. I never did.
He was a Man, and thats how he lived his life.