(no subject)
I'm over due for a post of relative substance..
I've known it for a while now, but I'm not sure if I've ever put it into words. I fall in love way too easy. Maybe that's too strong a word.. I become infatuated on a regular basis. It doesn't take much, some pretty eyes, a shared interest, a shared moment. I become enamored with virtually nothing solid to base my attachment on. I feel like I'm grasping at straws, mostly because I have nothing else to grasp.
I'm kind of struggling right now writing this. Maybe there's more to it than I realize, but it feels more abstract than I can express correctly..
Quite often I actively avoid most situations where accidental infatuation may occur, which when it comes right down to it could be just about anywhere. Hanging out with friends is when it usually happens, like yesterday for instance. Given the right set of social skills or drive, I could make something productive out of these situations, even if its just one time good conversation. Nothing ever comes of it though. I just dwell on the thought that I have nothing to contribute and eventually the opportunity passes. I hate the way doing nothing makes me feel, but its sort of my default.
Even as I'm writing this I've just agreed to go back and most likely hang out with the girl I met yesterday among other folks. I'm already dreading it. The only piece of mind I have on the whole thing is that after tomorrow I will most likely never have to see her again. The sooner that happens the sooner I can forget about her and stop being depressed over something that should be so trivial.
I've known it for a while now, but I'm not sure if I've ever put it into words. I fall in love way too easy. Maybe that's too strong a word.. I become infatuated on a regular basis. It doesn't take much, some pretty eyes, a shared interest, a shared moment. I become enamored with virtually nothing solid to base my attachment on. I feel like I'm grasping at straws, mostly because I have nothing else to grasp.
I'm kind of struggling right now writing this. Maybe there's more to it than I realize, but it feels more abstract than I can express correctly..
Quite often I actively avoid most situations where accidental infatuation may occur, which when it comes right down to it could be just about anywhere. Hanging out with friends is when it usually happens, like yesterday for instance. Given the right set of social skills or drive, I could make something productive out of these situations, even if its just one time good conversation. Nothing ever comes of it though. I just dwell on the thought that I have nothing to contribute and eventually the opportunity passes. I hate the way doing nothing makes me feel, but its sort of my default.
Even as I'm writing this I've just agreed to go back and most likely hang out with the girl I met yesterday among other folks. I'm already dreading it. The only piece of mind I have on the whole thing is that after tomorrow I will most likely never have to see her again. The sooner that happens the sooner I can forget about her and stop being depressed over something that should be so trivial.