Return of America's Son 2
Jensen and Jared overslept and found themselves with diapers and a three year old you didn’t want to wear a tie. They managed to make it to the church on time.
Jared looked at the small white church.
“I thought we’d do this in Texas,” Jensen said, playing with Lincoln’s hands.
“He went to prep school in New Hampshire,” Mackenzie pointed out. “He left years ago, he serves the people of Massachusetts.”
Jensen just shrugged.
“Anna was from here,” Jared said after a moments of silence. “His boys are going to be here, you are here, he’d want to be where you all are.”
Jensen looked at Jared, blinking far too much. Jared cleared his throat and reached out to adjust Jensen’s tie. Jensen watched Jared’s hands, it had become a ritual, before there was somewhere that they needed to be.
Their eyes met and held.
Everything else disappeared.
Jensen leaned in and rested his forehead on Jared’s shoulder.
“Holy shit,” Jensen whispered.
“Sheeet,” Logan said happily.
Jensen and Jared looked at each other wide eyed.
“We have to clean up our language,” Jared muttered picking up Logan.
“Big man,” Jensen said, attempting to be serious. “You can’t say that word.
Logan scowled.
“We’re going to say good bye to your dad and mom now,” Jensen said softly.
Logan’s green eyes went wide, but he nodded, then he reached out to pat his brother’s cheek.
“We say bye now,” Logan said solemnly.
Jensen’s jaw clenched. Jared slipped a hand behind Jensen’s back.
They walked in silence with the boys. They walked into the church and to the front pew. Logan sat between them, hands in his lap. Lincoln was on Jensen’s lap. The service started and Jared put his arm behind Logan, fingers on Jensen’s shoulder. Jensen closed his eyes and just breathed.
Finally the priest said the words for Jensen to come up.
He stood up and moved to hand Lincoln to Jared, it was at that moment that Lincoln let out an ungodly wail. Jensen pulled Lincoln back to his chest and he stopped. Jared tried it again and Lincoln started the noise again.
Jared and Jensen looked at each other with wide eyes. Jensen made his ‘what the fuck do I do’ face. Jared just shrugged and then nodded.
Jensen adjusted Lincoln and then walked up to the front of the church.
Jensen looked at Lincoln who was happily chewing on his tie.
"This is fitting," he said finally, not looking up. "Josh was the one who told me to always be prepared, but never be flustered when nothing turns out like you planned. He was a big one on flexibility, it just figures when I come up here to talk about him his son reminds me of the most important lesson that he has ever taught me."
Jensen looked up and the tears were clear in his eyes.
"I looked up to my big brother my entire life. I learned to walk so I could follow him. He did everything first and I could do it because he made it look easy. Standing here before you, standing here holding his son, who he adored, I realize that soon I'm going to be doing things he hasn't done. In six years I'm going to be older than my brother will ever be."
His voice choked and Lincoln cooed, Jensen juggled him a bit and calmly went on.
"I have some things I wrote down to say and I'll get to them in a minute," Jensen said with a smile, staring off in the distance. "But the thing that keeps going through my head is the silliest thing. I remember when it was when we first talked about me being gay. He had this look on his face and I was crushed, my brother, my hero didn't approve of who I was. “
Jensen swallowed, took a moment before he could go one. When he spoke again it was a little horse. “Then he opened his mouth. He told me I wasn't allowed to get married yet, he had to work his way up to taking me to male strip clubs for my bachelor party. I was eighteen and hadn't had a boyfriend yet, so that was an imminent danger, but that is who my brother was. He didn't judge, didn't worry about the fact that his brother was gay, didn't care the ramifications on the family, he wasn't going to disown me, all our plans were going to stay like they always were, he just needed a minute to change his world view on the kind of strip club we were going to when I he had to fulfill his best man duties. More than anything I want this to be about Josh, to be a celebration about his life, but the thing I keep thinking is that he isn't going to be there now.”
Jensen blinked rapidly and looked at Jared. “He’s not going to be my call when I get around to proposing, he’s not going to tell me how he wants me to raise his kids, he’s not going to be here to stand by me when I run for office. There isn’t an example for me now and I’m going to miss my big brother like hell.”
He breathed and felt his tie being tugged and he looked down at chubby fingers that were pulling his silk tie into a slobbery mouth. Jensen gently took the tie out of the baby’s mouth.
“But the thing is that I may not have any more of my brother, but the part I have of him, nothing can ever take away.”
Jensen looked down at the part of Josh that he was actually holding and he swallowed.
Then he looked up at Jared watching him, a three year old on his lap.
Jensen blinked back the tears.
“So now,” Jensen said, speaking through the lump in his throat. “Now I’m going to go to the speech I have prepared.”
He spoke the words, looking at Jared.
He said goodbye to his past, eyes firmly on the future.
:::
“Hi, honey! I’m home,” Jared said, voice ringing out.
Jensen came out, carrying Lincoln, Logan trailing after.
“I’m a little sad that this is the last time that you will say that here,” Jensen said, handing him Lincoln.
Logan tugged at Jared’s pants.
“Jared, Jared, Jared,” Logan said.
“Yeah little man?,” Jared said with a smile.
“Jensen and Grandma Sharon let me smoosh paper,” Logan said with pride.
Jared looked over at the kitchen where Sharon had come out drying her hands.
“Grandma Sharon?” Jared asked with an eyebrow raised.
He had called his mother the day after the funeral.
“Hi mom,” Jared had said.
“Hi baby, how are you doing? How is Jensen?” she had asked.
“We’re good,” Jared had replied.
“Did you give him my love?” Sharon had asked.
“Yeah momma,” Jared had said hesitantly.
“What is going on baby?” she had asked.
“Well, Jensen and me,” Jared had begun. “We’re gonna be dads.”
There was a pause, Jared rushed to fill the silence.
“Josh’s boys, they don’t have anyone, Jensen, we talked and we’re going to raise them,” Jared had said.
“Is he going to marry you?” was his mother’s first question.
It had taken a long conversation, but by the end of it she was booking tickets to England to help them adjust to having children while Jared finished his last months of school. She was helping them pack up. Which wasn’t so hard in a house where most of the things stayed in the house. It was just the things that they brought and the things that they had accumulated in their stay and travels, including two children who were much smaller, but seemed to have much more stuff.
She shrugged. “Just preparing him for the eventuality, what child wouldn’t benefit from as many grandparents as possible?”
Jared looked at Jensen. “Has she been harassing you too?”
Sharon smacker her son with a towel. “Behave. I just think that since you two are together and raising the boys together you might as well make it legal.”
“Mother,” Jared said. “One thing at a time.”
She looked at him. “You’re going to have kids, buy a house, start careers and then get married?”
The look on her face was disapproving.
Jared felt like a failure. Jensen was the one who stepped forward, all smiles and soft eyes.
“Sharon,” Jensen said softly. “I want it to be special, I want it perfectly clear that I’m not just marrying him for the kids.”
Sharon Padalecki softened a little, but she had gotten a little immune to Jensen Ackles’ flattery.
“We’ll get married before the house, before Jared graduates and I take the bar,” Jensen said, changing his tactics to bartering.
Sharon smiled. “That sounds better.”
Jared looked down at Logan who was watching the interaction.
Jared made a face at his new son. “Well Logan, let’s go make sure that Jensen packed up all of my books, because they obviously don’t need me for the negotiation on my future.”
Jensen reached out and snagged him.
“I’ll get a good dowry for you,” Jensen drawled. “Something to keep you real pretty.”
Jared threw his head back and laughed and walked into the other room.
Sharon had a smile on her face when Jensen turned around.
“I didn’t think…” she began quietly. “You two, I just I never thought that you’d…I just really hoped so.”
Jensen smiled, eyes crinkling. “Me too, I hope so too forever.”
Sharon snorted. “If you’re concerned I think he’ll say yes.”
Jared and children laughter and shrieks came from the bedroom.
“He deserves the best,” Jensen said, smile still huge. “He deserves it done right, he’s only going to do it once.”
Sharon smiled.
Because they were sure that her son was going to be happy.