Rockabye!Verse: The Cradle Will Fall (Maybe It Always Has Been Going Down)
Title: The Cradle Will Fall (Maybe It Always Has Been Going Down)
Author: truelyesoteric
Rating R (language)
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Words: 5000+
Disclaimer: Not mine. Sigh.
Warning: There are very strong implications of underage relations. Actually they’re a totally blatant reference in the past, but nothing is explicit. Also a child. But not during anything sexy, that would be so very wrong, just you know there is a child, these are two seprate warnings.
Summary: Jared has no idea what is going on. But that doesn’t mean that he’s not going to see what happens.
This continues When The Bough Breaks (Maybe It Always Needed To). Yes I have versed it:
Jared Padalecki was a competitive child and, despite the fact that he didn’t have the grades that his older brother did, he was smart to know which battles to pick. He had an inborn instinct to only play games that he could win.
He knew at twelve that there was something different about him, namely that it wasn’t girls who did it for him. His friends were off staring at the newly developed chests of girls they had known their entire lives. He was getting charged off of other things. He kept it close to his chest though.
He chose sports over academics, academics were his brother Jeff’s domain, he knew he would never be better at that. He chose to be social, people usually adored him. He knew by the age of thirteen that these were his forte. He was the madding charming middle son.
And when he was fourteen he was successful at what he tried. It seemed he rambled around his life, but that was more he was pushing to see new frontiers to conquer.
He was fifteen when he noticed Jensen Ackles, his old brother’s friend who had been around forever, playing football in his back yard, bare chest sweaty and a smile as he licked his lips and called for the ball. Jared practically heard an angelic choir singing and Jensen light up from the anointing glow of the gods.
Jared was stunned and he picked the first battle he didn’t know if he could win.
At fifteen he was good with people, but being an unkissed virgin, a fact that he hid with an easy smile, he had absolutely no idea how the heck to even begin to seduce someone that made him feel extremely venerable.
He didn’t know if Jensen would be receptive. He didn’t know how people hooked up. He didn’t know quite what it was guys did with guys.
He just knew that he wanted it, and he specifically with Jensen.
Jensen was oblivious, thank god he never noticed Jared creeping around, because Jared knew that his attempts were pathetic.
But one summer night, Jeff was passed out and Jensen was drunk. Jared and Jensen had gone for a late night swim in their parent’s pool. Jared couldn’t remember how they got into the position, but the moment came Jared put his mouth over Jensen’s and prayed that kissing was something that he had some sort of instinct for.
It was messy and Jared was way too shocked about how it felt to actually think about performance, all he knew that Jensen kissed him back.
Jensen kissed him back and then some for a year and a half.
In secret, in the dark Jensen gave him everything. Words and feelings were an easy exchange in the dark. Jensen never babied him, never treated him like the little brother, they were just Jared and Jensen
He felt Jensen freak and pull away, but he just tried, he didn’t know what he was doing, but he tried. He had fallen in love, he knew that much, but he had no clue what to do with it.
He woke up for a year of empty beds, with Jensen sized dents.
When Jensen was waiting at the end of the isle for his pregnant bride, Jared swore through slitted eyes that he would never be that honest ever again, he would never let anyone else see that much of him, but regulated to the dark. At that moment he knew that Jensen cared about him, he knew that Jensen was in it as much as he was. Just the same as he knew that Jensen was scared to death and would never claim him.
By Danneel Harris’ swollen stomach he swore that it was never going to happen again.
Later in college he would try to say that it was just sex, that it didn’t mean anything, but he knew, in the dark that they had talked, they had spoken about hopes and fears and just about everything in between.
It wasn’t just sex.
He was not going to be anyone’s dirty secret again. He was never going to wake up alone again.
Except for after finally getting into Jensen’s life, really for the first time being real, he woke up alone.
**
Jared got up and looked at the Jensen shaped dent on the bed.
He flopped back and sighed. The last few weeks had been good, they had been good in a way that Jared didn’t know actually existed in the world. It was something that Jared just wanted to sink into and bury himself in.
He wanted to believe that the small glimmer of something awesome, something pure that only children could believe in, something he had believed in once.
And he really felt at this moment that Jensen had fucked him over again.
Jared got up and angrily put on his clothing. He grabbed his flip-flops and walked down the hallway. When he passed the bathroom he heard Jensen’s voice. In his always perverse way he stopped.
“Yes I know Danni,” Jensen was saying through the ajar door. “Waking up with what could be the first real relationship in my bed, and knowing that my son needs to get ready for school, all I can do is freak out and call my ex-wife, which should definitely not be even close to third on the list, but Jeff called me and I don’t know what I’m supposed to be dong.”
Jared closed his eyes and leaned it against the door jam. Freak out, part two apparently was happening in the bathroom. Which made him feel only slightly better, because Jensen wasn’t running.
But Jared was scared because Jensen had slept with her after the last freak out.
And just as his mind was about to register that the word ‘relationship’ was somehow in that he heard a small stirring in the hallway.
“Jared?”
Jared turned around and looked at the little red head boy yawning.
“I’m hungry,” Cam said tiredly, holding his arms out to Jared.
Jared reached out and picked up the little boy. He was hoping that Cam wasn’t expecting anything beyond cereal, that was the extent of his cooking talents.
For a moment he let his mind think that his big brother apparently in the picture. Jeff was going to be pissed. Jared swore again that he was not hiding any more.
He was going to sit down at Jensen’s table and if Jensen wanted him gone he was going to have to first acknowledge that Jared was in a dumpable place and then dump him. Not ignore him.
Jared thought this was a most excellent plan.
He and Cam were munching on what had to be the least kid friendly cereal in the world, because apparently Jensen was one of those stuffy parents, when he heard Jensen yell out.
“Cam!” Jensen yelled skidding into the room.
Jared looked up, keeping his face neutral. He didn’t know if Jensen was going to kick him out or kick his ass, but Jensen was going to have to do something.
Jensen looked at the two of them, apparently bead headed. He looked at Jensen and all of his neurotic energy faded from his shoulders. He looked at Jared and Cam and something softened a little bit.
Jared waited for Jensen to pull away, and that was the moment that Jared realized that he had just had sex with Jensen last night, and holy shit it had been awesome.
At that moment Jared realized that he was pretty much a goner for Jensen, he always had been, and he was going to be until Jensen made it clear that this was over.
Jensen walked into the room a little hesitantly he tousled Cam’s hair and kept walking. Jared was mesmerized and thought it was a dream. He had dreams something like this, too many times for it to be real.
Especially when Jensen leaned over to Jared and kissed him on the forehead.
“Save me any?” Jensen asked.
It was quite possibly the most awkward display of affection that had ever occurred in the known universe, but Jared closed his eyes and let a little relief wash over him.
Cam watched and his eyes went wide he got up, spoon in hand.
“Cam?” Jensen asked, watching his young son scamper out of the room. “What is going on?”
“I’ve gotta call mommy,” Cam yelled from the other room.
The stiffness faded a bit from Jensen, replaced by exasperation. “Cam, why are you calling Danni?”
“She said to call when you got a boyfriend,” Cam yelled from the other room.
Jensen chased after him. “Dear sweet fu-, Cam come back here. Do not call your mother.”
Jared sat at the table and watched Jensen scurry after his son. He didn’t know what to do so he took another bite.
He knew that Danneel and Jensen were close, but this was - well he didn’t know what this was supposed to be. It seemed less like Danneel was a rival and more like Danneel was his junior high friend.
So he just ate his cereal.
Jensen came back and Jared took a sloppy bite and then swirled the spoon in the air.
“You’ve got a boyfriend?” Jared asked, mouth half full, eyes wide in faux innocence.
Jensen had Cam on his hip, cell phone in his hand. He looked at Jared, sleepy and tousled.
Jensen looked like he was weighing his options, then he opened his mouth and words came out.
“Umm well that is the thing,” Jensen said hesitantly. “Your brother kind of called and now would be a good time, I mean if you wanted to, maybe you could be my boyfriend for a little bit.”
Jared gave him a long look as his heart crashed. He was not playing that game with Jensen. “Is this so Jeff won’t kick your ass if you are all legitimately with me. I’m not really into the whole obligation thing.”
And at that moment Danneel was never more standing between them Jared couldn’t easily get over the whole shotgun wedding, as much as he wished he could, he wished he were the bigger person.
“See,” Jared drawled out. “Now I’m confused, because I really don’t want you to be my boyfriend because you think you have to, you have a stupid sense of honor, but I really don’t want to be your ambiguous little game. If you want to be with me I want to hold your hand in the park because you want to touch me, even in public, because something as little as that is what I’ve been thinking of since I was fifteen.”
Jensen squinted. “You’re saying that you want to be my boyfriend because you just want to be my boyfriend.”
Jared threw up his hands. “Yes. Five years of yes.”
Jensen didn’t know what to say to that.
Jared pouted and Cam took that minute to make a lunge for the phone in Jensen’s hands. The very swift child managed to grab the phone, and making a very strong case for children knowing way too much about technology he promptly dialed.
“Mommy,” Cam said. “Daddy almost has a boyfriend. Maybe. They’re being weird.”
Jensen went to reach for the phone. Cam clutched it to his chest. He started squirming.
“Cam,” Jensen said tiredly. “Give me the phone.”
Cam held the phone fast and shook his head. “Mommy wants Jared.”
Jared stood up and plucked the phone out of Cam’s hands, dancing a bit. “Oolala, the lady has made her choice. Seems that she is choosing me this time. Lo-ser.”
“Danni, how the hell are you?” Jared said, looking at Jensen. Then he had a moment of panic, because he didn’t know this woman at all. She could actually really really really not like him.
“Husband stealer,” she laughed, taking the joke. “What does his face look like right now?”
Jared stuck his tongue out at Jensen. Jensen was doing his best not to grin, but his eyes were glowing at Jared.
“Is he glaring?” Danneel continued.
“No,” Jared said softly and he was pretty sure that that one very short syllable conveyed more than he could actually put into words.
“Oh monkey,” Danneel said. “I know I don’t know you very well, besides being Jeff Padalecki’s baby brother, but Jensen seems to like you, Cam thinks that you are awesome, that is good enough for me.”
Jensen was looking at him, just quietly looking as if he were trying to figure out what Danneel was saying. Jared just looked at Jensen, trying to be neutral, because he had hated this woman for five years, yet he kind of didn’t hate her when actually faced with her.
“I think that he thinks that you’re going to embarrass him,” Jared said softly.
Danneel snorted. “Me touching him in public used to embarrass him.”
“Well,” Jared said in a small voice. “You touching him in public used to kill me. Tell me that you aren’t going to kill me again.”
In reaction Jensen took a step forward before he remembered, Cam in his arms. Cam was munching on his spoon, quietly watching.
“I like this idea of you two dating,” Danneel said softly. “You’re probably wondering why I’m okay with this.”
“Thought has crossed my mind,” Jared said softly as Jensen put Cam down.
“Because without Cam I never would really be part of his life,” Danneel said simply. “I love Cam, but he was not planned, he was not fate, he was just what happened to stupid kids. We love him dearly, but it doesn’t make us love each other dearly.”
Jared turned from Jensen and leaned his head against the door jam.
“Jared,” Danneel said calmly. “He never had a choice. You were his option, the one he wanted to try, the hard choice. I kind of ruined that. I stole him from ever having the chance with you. I kind of am the third party.”
Jared sucked in a breath and turned around and looked at Jensen, who had taken a few steps and stood at arms length.
“Bye Jared,” Danneel said. “I hope to get to know you better.”
Jared pulled the phone from his ear and they just looked at each other.
“Danneel said that I should be your boyfriend,” Jared said. “You know because we got to do it before.”
Jensen shook his head. “I’m not dating you for any other reason than both of us want it.”
Jared sucked in a whole lot of air that he had been neglecting for a little bit, like since he was fifteen.
Jared nodded. “I want it.”
At that moment Jensen’s stormy eyes cleared and the sun came out. “I want it too.”
**
They just sat on the porch, drinking coffee and talking about Jared’s new project of flipping a house and Jensen’s upcoming test. Cam ran wildly around the yard.
They just didn’t talk about it.
Jared figured that his brother’s car would be in the driveway when he got home.
Jeff was sitting on his front steps, playing with his keys.
Jared got out of the car and leaned against it.
“I like him, Jeff,” Jared said finally.
Jeff twirled his keys. “I’m not shocked, you always were mooning over him. I thought it was just he was a good looking guy.”
“I think that he likes me,” Jared added.
Jeff let out a little laugh and then looked up at him. “Yeah Danni seems to think so too.”
“Oh,” Jared said coming to sit down next to him. “She’s kind of absurdly well adjusted and overly opinionated.”
“Yep,” Jeff replied.
They just sat there for a little bit.
“You’re gonna have to give me some time,” Jeff finally said. “He’s been my best friend since I was three. It just isn’t something that I…I mean I will, I’m totally fine with you. I’m totally fine with Jensen being, well you know, but you too… it is just going to take some time.”
They sat there for just another second.
“Am I supposed to want to beat him up?” Jeff said squinting in the sun. “If he was dating Meggie I would kick his ass.”
Jared thought about the sordid past.
“Maybe the ship has sailed on that one. Maybe back in the day, but you really can’t put the genie back in the bottle,” Jared replied.
“What?!” Jeff said looking incredulously at his brother.
**
Jensen was sitting on campus praying that something he was reading would sink in.
Then came the ginormous water buffalo that was Jeff Padalecki.
Jeff came right up to him and glared in his face.
“Fifteen?” Jeff growled.
Jensen jumped back. He usually wasn’t faced with angry Jeff, usually he had an angry Jeff’s back.
Jensen looked a little scared.
“Well fuck”
**
He was on lunch break and he was sore as hell. He had been laying oak paneling and he was happy that heavy. He needed the burn today.
His phone rang and for some reason it said ‘Mackenzie.’
Jared looked confused as he connected the call too.
“Dude,” Mackenzie said, obviously in the car with the windows open.
“Hi Macky,” Jared said curiously. She hadn’t ever called him. He didn’t know that she had his number.
“Seriously,” she said. “Your brother kicked my brother’s ass and campus security has them all up in state school prison and I’m sure that there is some frat guy who is going to make our brothers their bitches. I know that you would like it, but I don’t know if they would except that Jeff was yelling something like ‘hands off my jailbait baby brother’ so maybe Jensen would, but more to the point, I have to pick up Cam because Jeff took a swing at Jensen and Jensen is detained and my nephew needs to be picked up from school. So you need to go down and make sure that they’re okay. Now.”
“I’m working,” Jared said and to his own ears it sounded horribly like a whine.
“Ye-eah,” Mackenzie said. “You really need to go, baby jailbait. Because I have a feeling that you have something to do with this. Tootles.”
Jared looked down at his hammer. He really wasn’t sure how to use it at the moment.
Mackenzie was three years younger. She was three years younger than him and the baby of the Ackles clan. Jared had thought she was a brat. She had a crush on him for years. Suddenly he had a very odd thought about what it would be like if he had seduced an underage Mackenzie.
He sighed and stood up.
He was not going to let his big brother fight his battles like he never had a part in any of this.
**
“So your brother just read Jensen the riot act.”
Jared looked at his phone, now knowing that 212 was a New York area code. Good information to have.
“You do know that you are a million miles away,” Jared pointed out tiredly as he drove through rush hour down town traffic.
“I had to call in permission for Mackenzie to pick up Cam,” Danneel told him. “She had to tell me the gossip about my ex-husband.”
“Don’t call him that,” Jared muttered as he pulled into the parking lot.
“Should I call him my baby dads?” Danneel teased.
Jared just drove ahead, glaring at the yellow line in the road.
“You and I should talk sometime,” Danneel told him.
“That is going to be fun,” Jared sighed and then he went on, “Can I ask you something that I have no idea why I am asking you of all people?”
“Shoot,” Danneel said with a soft smile.
“What do I say?” Jared asked in a small voice.
“Aww monkey,” Danneel said. “You’ll know when you see him.”
**
Jared was sure that Danneel was a dirty liar.
He stepped into campus police and had no godly idea what he was going to say.
He knew the woman behind the desk, Claire Fornier, he was pretty sure that he had bought lube at the store that she worked in back when he was fifteen. This was most definitely a small town.
Also irony seemed to love Jared Padalecki.
She looked at him and raised an eyebrow.
"Baby Jailbait Brother, I presume?" she asked with a smirk.
He managed a tight smile. "They here?"
She nodded to a door. "They're in the back. We're just finishing up paper work. It looks like big brother gave his best friend a nice shiner, I assume you have something to do with it."
Jared groaned, thinking about gossip in a small town and wildfire.
He walked with his head up and kept going.
"I never told him," Jensen was saying.
"That you were sleeping with Danni?" Jeff asked, their conflict seemed to have abated to conversation.
"I never told him anything," Jensen said in a small voice. "ANYTHING. I never told him about Danneel, about Cam, about getting married. I was with him in secret and then I cut him off like it never happened. I had major life decisions going on and I didn’t tell him, I just let him find out from someone else. For a year I told him everything and then he found out everything like he meant nothing to me. Every punch you want to throw I deserve."
There was silence and Jared wondered if Jeff was considering the punch.
"He's giving you a chance though," Jeff replied far too gruffly, it was more a warning shot across the bow.
"I'm far too lucky," Jensen agreed. "Its just kind of big, you know the kind of thing that I never expected to have and all the sudden. I'm really not sure how to do this, but I'm going to try. There is a whole litany of pretty basic things that I've never done with a guy, I am freaking out a little."
"Like what, cause pretty sure you did stuff with my little brother," Jeff muttered.
Jensen sighed. "I've never held hands in public, I've never dated, I've never, waited for him to call, the stupidest things that I've just missed out on. I did some of them with Danni, but for some reason I think it will feel better with someone I want and I think it might be different with a guy, in my limited experience most things are."
Jared blushed down to the roots of his hair. He really was ready to bust in. He did not want this going on any longer, he was pretty sure that he didn’t want this going on any longer.
“I’m on the side of the two of you,” Jeff blurted out. “This is fucked up, but I’m on your side because I love you both.”
He heard Jensen let out a breath.
“But if this goes south I’m on his side,” Jeff continued. “He’s a sweet kid and far too good for you. I know that you’ve gone through some shit, but Jen, you’ve brought it all on yourself. I support you, you know that man, I totally supported Jay and I’m behind you for the whole dude thing, but the other thing…This is my brother. I’m on his side.”
Jared blinked. This was not something that he expected.
He didn’t have time to think too much about it because Claire Fornier showed up. She glared at him and whispered. “People who listen at doorways rarely learn anything good.”
Without a response she turned to the door and her voice went well above polite talking voice. “Glad to see you Young Mr. Padalecki, your brother is in there.”
She gave him a wink.
Jared was looking at them, then he just looked at Jensen. He was going to try something and he hoped this was one of those things that Jensen was looking forward to between them, Jared seriously felt like he was playing without any kind of rulebook or safety net.
“Hey baby,” Jared said, hesitantly stepping forward. “My first duty as your boyfriend is to pick you up in the pokey?”
Jensen looked a little skittish and appreciative at the same time.
Jeff rolled his eyes. “I seriously doubt that state college security is like the federal pen.”
The air was so uncomfortable, but each of the three of them were trying.
Jared took a step forward, towards Jensen before he faltered. Jensen gave him a small smile.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Jensen said softly.
Jared put his hands in his pockets because it was better than molesting Jensen for acknowledging this whole thing. He was giddy about it, but he wasn’t sure how Jeff would respond.
Jeff was looking at him and then a light bulb went on.
“Is that why you always walked around with your hands in your pockets?” Jeff squeaked. “Cause you were going to touch him.”
Jared looked at him wide eyed and a failure of innocent.
“I seriously don’t know how you hid this from me,” Jeff sighed.
Jensen was looking at Jared, a small smile on his face.
Jeff looked at him. “Dear lord. I totally approve, but I think that all of us would rather I not be here.”
Jeff left the room.
Jared stood still.
Jensen took a hesitant step forward before moving to stand before Jared. Jared put his hands on Jensen’s hips.
“Hey,” Jared said, leaning in.
Jensen closed the gap between them and kissed him.
They might be not so great on the social part of their budding relationship, but this, this they knew. Jensen had taught Jared how to kiss, they had practiced in their formative years.
They knew how to kiss.
After a minute Jared pulled back and rested his forehead against Jensen’s.
“This isn’t going to be easy,” Jared said.
“I get that,” Jensen agreed.
“Lets not fight each other,” Jared said. “Just the two of us against the world.”
Jensen smiled. “Okay. Okay.”
**
Jensen got Mackenzie to watch Cam and they went to Jensen’s house. They just found the hammock in the back and rocked back and forth.
Finally Jensen broke their silence as they were curled up together.
“I’m sorry,” Jensen said into Jared’s neck.
They swung back and forth.
“I’m sorry,” he started again. “For sleeping with Danneel, for not telling you about her, about Cam, about the fact that I was getting married. I should have told you.”
They swung back and forth a minute later.
“You did,” Jared said softly, looking up at the shapes the cloud made.
Jensen played with the hem of Jared’s shirt. “It is not the same. I knew you were there, at the top of the stairs. I just wanted to give you a chance. I didn’t know how to say it to your face.”
“I don’t know if I cold have handled it at sixteen,” Jared said.
Jensen let out a little laugh. “That is generous, man, but we know better. There isn’t anything you can’t handle. I’m older and I’m the mess. I feel like I always will be.”
“I don’t know how to build a time machine, you probably always will be,” Jared retorted.
Jensen punched him lightly on the arm. “Bitch.”
They swung another couple of rounds in silence.
Jared spoke. “I’m defiant. I do what I want. I don’t know if I could have had what you did. You care and in your caring you have a son and a woman who cares about you so much they just want you to be happy. I don’t know if I could have had that, I wouldn’t have given it a chance. We did what we did, and that is permanent, but the thing is we just have to figure out what we’re going to do with those choices.”
Jensen played with the hem for a bit before speaking. “Can we swing here until Cam comes home, then I’ll make us dinner, and then you can stay?”
“Isn’t this kind of fast?” Jared asked.
“I’m done playing games,” Jensen said, voice completely sure.
Jared was pretty sure that he was glowing.
Jensen leaned in and kissed him, soft and sweet. For a little bit they just made out in a slow languid way that they never seemed to have time for. Jensen reached for Jared’s belt, it was clumsy from years of unused, but the kisses were bringing noises and the noises were bringing a strong pain of want, long left for dead.
The unpracticed movements would have been awkward under any circumstances, in a hammock they were pretty much impossible.
It was less than a second they ended up on the ground. For a moment Jensen shot up and looked ready to pounce. Jared couldn’t help it, he started laughing and just couldn’t stop.
They were in a mild state of hysterics when Mackenzie showed up with Cam.
They were on the ground, tangled, and for some reason Jared felt really shy.
Mackenzie just watched them. Jensen got up and scooped up Cam, dancing sillily with his son.
She turned towards Jared.
“This is so totally you,” she said with a little surprise.
Jared jumped up defensively. “I didn’t do anything.”
“I think you are,” she said softly. “And I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so…light and fluffy.”
She turned towards him. “I like it. Keep it up.”
With that she went to leave. Then she turned back.
“Jensen has more issues than Us Weekly,” Mackenzie pointed out. “You’re more comfortable in your skin than anyone on the planet. He’s going to freak out. Be nice.”
And with that she left. Jared just stared at her confused.
Jensen came up with Cam on his hip. “Busy body little sister.”
“What is she talking about?” Jared asked.
“She knows me,” Jensen said slowly. “She also knows I’m going to tell my parents about some of this. She figures I’m going to freak out.”
“Oh,” Jared said.
“She’s not wrong,” Jensen said with a little shame.
“Can we wait a little bit,” Jared asked, taking Cam. “Can it just be us for a little bit?”
“Yes, yes, yes,” Cam chanted. “Just us! It’s a secret!”
Jensen looked at him through slittled eyes. “Did Mac give you sugar.”
Cam looked at them with an abnormally high grin. “Ice cream and gummy bears!”
“You are never hanging out with Aunt Mackenzie again,” Jensen said.
Cam pouted and crossed his arms.
**
Jared stopped staying at his parent’s home. He’d go home to help out, but he’d leave after dinner.
They never spoke about it.
Jared watched as Jensen smiled, and smiled more and he didn’t ask or push. They lived in their own little world with only occasional visits from Jeff and Mackenzie, and plenty of calls from Danneel.
It was becoming THEIR life.
Complete with a redhead five year old who was as mesmerized by Jared as Jensen was.
It was three weeks before Jensen looked up from washing the dishes.
“I’ve got to tell my parents,” he said simply.
“Okay,” Jared replied, fearful and giddy that this was going to be really real.
That is when the doorbell rang.
Jensen looked at his soapy hands.
“Get it?” he asked.
Jared put down the drying towel and went to the front door.
Standing there was a stunning redhead.
Danneel.
She grinned at him.
“Hi Jared.”
Author: truelyesoteric
Rating R (language)
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Words: 5000+
Disclaimer: Not mine. Sigh.
Warning: There are very strong implications of underage relations. Actually they’re a totally blatant reference in the past, but nothing is explicit. Also a child. But not during anything sexy, that would be so very wrong, just you know there is a child, these are two seprate warnings.
Summary: Jared has no idea what is going on. But that doesn’t mean that he’s not going to see what happens.
This continues When The Bough Breaks (Maybe It Always Needed To). Yes I have versed it:
Jared Padalecki was a competitive child and, despite the fact that he didn’t have the grades that his older brother did, he was smart to know which battles to pick. He had an inborn instinct to only play games that he could win.
He knew at twelve that there was something different about him, namely that it wasn’t girls who did it for him. His friends were off staring at the newly developed chests of girls they had known their entire lives. He was getting charged off of other things. He kept it close to his chest though.
He chose sports over academics, academics were his brother Jeff’s domain, he knew he would never be better at that. He chose to be social, people usually adored him. He knew by the age of thirteen that these were his forte. He was the madding charming middle son.
And when he was fourteen he was successful at what he tried. It seemed he rambled around his life, but that was more he was pushing to see new frontiers to conquer.
He was fifteen when he noticed Jensen Ackles, his old brother’s friend who had been around forever, playing football in his back yard, bare chest sweaty and a smile as he licked his lips and called for the ball. Jared practically heard an angelic choir singing and Jensen light up from the anointing glow of the gods.
Jared was stunned and he picked the first battle he didn’t know if he could win.
At fifteen he was good with people, but being an unkissed virgin, a fact that he hid with an easy smile, he had absolutely no idea how the heck to even begin to seduce someone that made him feel extremely venerable.
He didn’t know if Jensen would be receptive. He didn’t know how people hooked up. He didn’t know quite what it was guys did with guys.
He just knew that he wanted it, and he specifically with Jensen.
Jensen was oblivious, thank god he never noticed Jared creeping around, because Jared knew that his attempts were pathetic.
But one summer night, Jeff was passed out and Jensen was drunk. Jared and Jensen had gone for a late night swim in their parent’s pool. Jared couldn’t remember how they got into the position, but the moment came Jared put his mouth over Jensen’s and prayed that kissing was something that he had some sort of instinct for.
It was messy and Jared was way too shocked about how it felt to actually think about performance, all he knew that Jensen kissed him back.
Jensen kissed him back and then some for a year and a half.
In secret, in the dark Jensen gave him everything. Words and feelings were an easy exchange in the dark. Jensen never babied him, never treated him like the little brother, they were just Jared and Jensen
He felt Jensen freak and pull away, but he just tried, he didn’t know what he was doing, but he tried. He had fallen in love, he knew that much, but he had no clue what to do with it.
He woke up for a year of empty beds, with Jensen sized dents.
When Jensen was waiting at the end of the isle for his pregnant bride, Jared swore through slitted eyes that he would never be that honest ever again, he would never let anyone else see that much of him, but regulated to the dark. At that moment he knew that Jensen cared about him, he knew that Jensen was in it as much as he was. Just the same as he knew that Jensen was scared to death and would never claim him.
By Danneel Harris’ swollen stomach he swore that it was never going to happen again.
Later in college he would try to say that it was just sex, that it didn’t mean anything, but he knew, in the dark that they had talked, they had spoken about hopes and fears and just about everything in between.
It wasn’t just sex.
He was not going to be anyone’s dirty secret again. He was never going to wake up alone again.
Except for after finally getting into Jensen’s life, really for the first time being real, he woke up alone.
**
Jared got up and looked at the Jensen shaped dent on the bed.
He flopped back and sighed. The last few weeks had been good, they had been good in a way that Jared didn’t know actually existed in the world. It was something that Jared just wanted to sink into and bury himself in.
He wanted to believe that the small glimmer of something awesome, something pure that only children could believe in, something he had believed in once.
And he really felt at this moment that Jensen had fucked him over again.
Jared got up and angrily put on his clothing. He grabbed his flip-flops and walked down the hallway. When he passed the bathroom he heard Jensen’s voice. In his always perverse way he stopped.
“Yes I know Danni,” Jensen was saying through the ajar door. “Waking up with what could be the first real relationship in my bed, and knowing that my son needs to get ready for school, all I can do is freak out and call my ex-wife, which should definitely not be even close to third on the list, but Jeff called me and I don’t know what I’m supposed to be dong.”
Jared closed his eyes and leaned it against the door jam. Freak out, part two apparently was happening in the bathroom. Which made him feel only slightly better, because Jensen wasn’t running.
But Jared was scared because Jensen had slept with her after the last freak out.
And just as his mind was about to register that the word ‘relationship’ was somehow in that he heard a small stirring in the hallway.
“Jared?”
Jared turned around and looked at the little red head boy yawning.
“I’m hungry,” Cam said tiredly, holding his arms out to Jared.
Jared reached out and picked up the little boy. He was hoping that Cam wasn’t expecting anything beyond cereal, that was the extent of his cooking talents.
For a moment he let his mind think that his big brother apparently in the picture. Jeff was going to be pissed. Jared swore again that he was not hiding any more.
He was going to sit down at Jensen’s table and if Jensen wanted him gone he was going to have to first acknowledge that Jared was in a dumpable place and then dump him. Not ignore him.
Jared thought this was a most excellent plan.
He and Cam were munching on what had to be the least kid friendly cereal in the world, because apparently Jensen was one of those stuffy parents, when he heard Jensen yell out.
“Cam!” Jensen yelled skidding into the room.
Jared looked up, keeping his face neutral. He didn’t know if Jensen was going to kick him out or kick his ass, but Jensen was going to have to do something.
Jensen looked at the two of them, apparently bead headed. He looked at Jensen and all of his neurotic energy faded from his shoulders. He looked at Jared and Cam and something softened a little bit.
Jared waited for Jensen to pull away, and that was the moment that Jared realized that he had just had sex with Jensen last night, and holy shit it had been awesome.
At that moment Jared realized that he was pretty much a goner for Jensen, he always had been, and he was going to be until Jensen made it clear that this was over.
Jensen walked into the room a little hesitantly he tousled Cam’s hair and kept walking. Jared was mesmerized and thought it was a dream. He had dreams something like this, too many times for it to be real.
Especially when Jensen leaned over to Jared and kissed him on the forehead.
“Save me any?” Jensen asked.
It was quite possibly the most awkward display of affection that had ever occurred in the known universe, but Jared closed his eyes and let a little relief wash over him.
Cam watched and his eyes went wide he got up, spoon in hand.
“Cam?” Jensen asked, watching his young son scamper out of the room. “What is going on?”
“I’ve gotta call mommy,” Cam yelled from the other room.
The stiffness faded a bit from Jensen, replaced by exasperation. “Cam, why are you calling Danni?”
“She said to call when you got a boyfriend,” Cam yelled from the other room.
Jensen chased after him. “Dear sweet fu-, Cam come back here. Do not call your mother.”
Jared sat at the table and watched Jensen scurry after his son. He didn’t know what to do so he took another bite.
He knew that Danneel and Jensen were close, but this was - well he didn’t know what this was supposed to be. It seemed less like Danneel was a rival and more like Danneel was his junior high friend.
So he just ate his cereal.
Jensen came back and Jared took a sloppy bite and then swirled the spoon in the air.
“You’ve got a boyfriend?” Jared asked, mouth half full, eyes wide in faux innocence.
Jensen had Cam on his hip, cell phone in his hand. He looked at Jared, sleepy and tousled.
Jensen looked like he was weighing his options, then he opened his mouth and words came out.
“Umm well that is the thing,” Jensen said hesitantly. “Your brother kind of called and now would be a good time, I mean if you wanted to, maybe you could be my boyfriend for a little bit.”
Jared gave him a long look as his heart crashed. He was not playing that game with Jensen. “Is this so Jeff won’t kick your ass if you are all legitimately with me. I’m not really into the whole obligation thing.”
And at that moment Danneel was never more standing between them Jared couldn’t easily get over the whole shotgun wedding, as much as he wished he could, he wished he were the bigger person.
“See,” Jared drawled out. “Now I’m confused, because I really don’t want you to be my boyfriend because you think you have to, you have a stupid sense of honor, but I really don’t want to be your ambiguous little game. If you want to be with me I want to hold your hand in the park because you want to touch me, even in public, because something as little as that is what I’ve been thinking of since I was fifteen.”
Jensen squinted. “You’re saying that you want to be my boyfriend because you just want to be my boyfriend.”
Jared threw up his hands. “Yes. Five years of yes.”
Jensen didn’t know what to say to that.
Jared pouted and Cam took that minute to make a lunge for the phone in Jensen’s hands. The very swift child managed to grab the phone, and making a very strong case for children knowing way too much about technology he promptly dialed.
“Mommy,” Cam said. “Daddy almost has a boyfriend. Maybe. They’re being weird.”
Jensen went to reach for the phone. Cam clutched it to his chest. He started squirming.
“Cam,” Jensen said tiredly. “Give me the phone.”
Cam held the phone fast and shook his head. “Mommy wants Jared.”
Jared stood up and plucked the phone out of Cam’s hands, dancing a bit. “Oolala, the lady has made her choice. Seems that she is choosing me this time. Lo-ser.”
“Danni, how the hell are you?” Jared said, looking at Jensen. Then he had a moment of panic, because he didn’t know this woman at all. She could actually really really really not like him.
“Husband stealer,” she laughed, taking the joke. “What does his face look like right now?”
Jared stuck his tongue out at Jensen. Jensen was doing his best not to grin, but his eyes were glowing at Jared.
“Is he glaring?” Danneel continued.
“No,” Jared said softly and he was pretty sure that that one very short syllable conveyed more than he could actually put into words.
“Oh monkey,” Danneel said. “I know I don’t know you very well, besides being Jeff Padalecki’s baby brother, but Jensen seems to like you, Cam thinks that you are awesome, that is good enough for me.”
Jensen was looking at him, just quietly looking as if he were trying to figure out what Danneel was saying. Jared just looked at Jensen, trying to be neutral, because he had hated this woman for five years, yet he kind of didn’t hate her when actually faced with her.
“I think that he thinks that you’re going to embarrass him,” Jared said softly.
Danneel snorted. “Me touching him in public used to embarrass him.”
“Well,” Jared said in a small voice. “You touching him in public used to kill me. Tell me that you aren’t going to kill me again.”
In reaction Jensen took a step forward before he remembered, Cam in his arms. Cam was munching on his spoon, quietly watching.
“I like this idea of you two dating,” Danneel said softly. “You’re probably wondering why I’m okay with this.”
“Thought has crossed my mind,” Jared said softly as Jensen put Cam down.
“Because without Cam I never would really be part of his life,” Danneel said simply. “I love Cam, but he was not planned, he was not fate, he was just what happened to stupid kids. We love him dearly, but it doesn’t make us love each other dearly.”
Jared turned from Jensen and leaned his head against the door jam.
“Jared,” Danneel said calmly. “He never had a choice. You were his option, the one he wanted to try, the hard choice. I kind of ruined that. I stole him from ever having the chance with you. I kind of am the third party.”
Jared sucked in a breath and turned around and looked at Jensen, who had taken a few steps and stood at arms length.
“Bye Jared,” Danneel said. “I hope to get to know you better.”
Jared pulled the phone from his ear and they just looked at each other.
“Danneel said that I should be your boyfriend,” Jared said. “You know because we got to do it before.”
Jensen shook his head. “I’m not dating you for any other reason than both of us want it.”
Jared sucked in a whole lot of air that he had been neglecting for a little bit, like since he was fifteen.
Jared nodded. “I want it.”
At that moment Jensen’s stormy eyes cleared and the sun came out. “I want it too.”
**
They just sat on the porch, drinking coffee and talking about Jared’s new project of flipping a house and Jensen’s upcoming test. Cam ran wildly around the yard.
They just didn’t talk about it.
Jared figured that his brother’s car would be in the driveway when he got home.
Jeff was sitting on his front steps, playing with his keys.
Jared got out of the car and leaned against it.
“I like him, Jeff,” Jared said finally.
Jeff twirled his keys. “I’m not shocked, you always were mooning over him. I thought it was just he was a good looking guy.”
“I think that he likes me,” Jared added.
Jeff let out a little laugh and then looked up at him. “Yeah Danni seems to think so too.”
“Oh,” Jared said coming to sit down next to him. “She’s kind of absurdly well adjusted and overly opinionated.”
“Yep,” Jeff replied.
They just sat there for a little bit.
“You’re gonna have to give me some time,” Jeff finally said. “He’s been my best friend since I was three. It just isn’t something that I…I mean I will, I’m totally fine with you. I’m totally fine with Jensen being, well you know, but you too… it is just going to take some time.”
They sat there for just another second.
“Am I supposed to want to beat him up?” Jeff said squinting in the sun. “If he was dating Meggie I would kick his ass.”
Jared thought about the sordid past.
“Maybe the ship has sailed on that one. Maybe back in the day, but you really can’t put the genie back in the bottle,” Jared replied.
“What?!” Jeff said looking incredulously at his brother.
**
Jensen was sitting on campus praying that something he was reading would sink in.
Then came the ginormous water buffalo that was Jeff Padalecki.
Jeff came right up to him and glared in his face.
“Fifteen?” Jeff growled.
Jensen jumped back. He usually wasn’t faced with angry Jeff, usually he had an angry Jeff’s back.
Jensen looked a little scared.
“Well fuck”
**
He was on lunch break and he was sore as hell. He had been laying oak paneling and he was happy that heavy. He needed the burn today.
His phone rang and for some reason it said ‘Mackenzie.’
Jared looked confused as he connected the call too.
“Dude,” Mackenzie said, obviously in the car with the windows open.
“Hi Macky,” Jared said curiously. She hadn’t ever called him. He didn’t know that she had his number.
“Seriously,” she said. “Your brother kicked my brother’s ass and campus security has them all up in state school prison and I’m sure that there is some frat guy who is going to make our brothers their bitches. I know that you would like it, but I don’t know if they would except that Jeff was yelling something like ‘hands off my jailbait baby brother’ so maybe Jensen would, but more to the point, I have to pick up Cam because Jeff took a swing at Jensen and Jensen is detained and my nephew needs to be picked up from school. So you need to go down and make sure that they’re okay. Now.”
“I’m working,” Jared said and to his own ears it sounded horribly like a whine.
“Ye-eah,” Mackenzie said. “You really need to go, baby jailbait. Because I have a feeling that you have something to do with this. Tootles.”
Jared looked down at his hammer. He really wasn’t sure how to use it at the moment.
Mackenzie was three years younger. She was three years younger than him and the baby of the Ackles clan. Jared had thought she was a brat. She had a crush on him for years. Suddenly he had a very odd thought about what it would be like if he had seduced an underage Mackenzie.
He sighed and stood up.
He was not going to let his big brother fight his battles like he never had a part in any of this.
**
“So your brother just read Jensen the riot act.”
Jared looked at his phone, now knowing that 212 was a New York area code. Good information to have.
“You do know that you are a million miles away,” Jared pointed out tiredly as he drove through rush hour down town traffic.
“I had to call in permission for Mackenzie to pick up Cam,” Danneel told him. “She had to tell me the gossip about my ex-husband.”
“Don’t call him that,” Jared muttered as he pulled into the parking lot.
“Should I call him my baby dads?” Danneel teased.
Jared just drove ahead, glaring at the yellow line in the road.
“You and I should talk sometime,” Danneel told him.
“That is going to be fun,” Jared sighed and then he went on, “Can I ask you something that I have no idea why I am asking you of all people?”
“Shoot,” Danneel said with a soft smile.
“What do I say?” Jared asked in a small voice.
“Aww monkey,” Danneel said. “You’ll know when you see him.”
**
Jared was sure that Danneel was a dirty liar.
He stepped into campus police and had no godly idea what he was going to say.
He knew the woman behind the desk, Claire Fornier, he was pretty sure that he had bought lube at the store that she worked in back when he was fifteen. This was most definitely a small town.
Also irony seemed to love Jared Padalecki.
She looked at him and raised an eyebrow.
"Baby Jailbait Brother, I presume?" she asked with a smirk.
He managed a tight smile. "They here?"
She nodded to a door. "They're in the back. We're just finishing up paper work. It looks like big brother gave his best friend a nice shiner, I assume you have something to do with it."
Jared groaned, thinking about gossip in a small town and wildfire.
He walked with his head up and kept going.
"I never told him," Jensen was saying.
"That you were sleeping with Danni?" Jeff asked, their conflict seemed to have abated to conversation.
"I never told him anything," Jensen said in a small voice. "ANYTHING. I never told him about Danneel, about Cam, about getting married. I was with him in secret and then I cut him off like it never happened. I had major life decisions going on and I didn’t tell him, I just let him find out from someone else. For a year I told him everything and then he found out everything like he meant nothing to me. Every punch you want to throw I deserve."
There was silence and Jared wondered if Jeff was considering the punch.
"He's giving you a chance though," Jeff replied far too gruffly, it was more a warning shot across the bow.
"I'm far too lucky," Jensen agreed. "Its just kind of big, you know the kind of thing that I never expected to have and all the sudden. I'm really not sure how to do this, but I'm going to try. There is a whole litany of pretty basic things that I've never done with a guy, I am freaking out a little."
"Like what, cause pretty sure you did stuff with my little brother," Jeff muttered.
Jensen sighed. "I've never held hands in public, I've never dated, I've never, waited for him to call, the stupidest things that I've just missed out on. I did some of them with Danni, but for some reason I think it will feel better with someone I want and I think it might be different with a guy, in my limited experience most things are."
Jared blushed down to the roots of his hair. He really was ready to bust in. He did not want this going on any longer, he was pretty sure that he didn’t want this going on any longer.
“I’m on the side of the two of you,” Jeff blurted out. “This is fucked up, but I’m on your side because I love you both.”
He heard Jensen let out a breath.
“But if this goes south I’m on his side,” Jeff continued. “He’s a sweet kid and far too good for you. I know that you’ve gone through some shit, but Jen, you’ve brought it all on yourself. I support you, you know that man, I totally supported Jay and I’m behind you for the whole dude thing, but the other thing…This is my brother. I’m on his side.”
Jared blinked. This was not something that he expected.
He didn’t have time to think too much about it because Claire Fornier showed up. She glared at him and whispered. “People who listen at doorways rarely learn anything good.”
Without a response she turned to the door and her voice went well above polite talking voice. “Glad to see you Young Mr. Padalecki, your brother is in there.”
She gave him a wink.
Jared was looking at them, then he just looked at Jensen. He was going to try something and he hoped this was one of those things that Jensen was looking forward to between them, Jared seriously felt like he was playing without any kind of rulebook or safety net.
“Hey baby,” Jared said, hesitantly stepping forward. “My first duty as your boyfriend is to pick you up in the pokey?”
Jensen looked a little skittish and appreciative at the same time.
Jeff rolled his eyes. “I seriously doubt that state college security is like the federal pen.”
The air was so uncomfortable, but each of the three of them were trying.
Jared took a step forward, towards Jensen before he faltered. Jensen gave him a small smile.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Jensen said softly.
Jared put his hands in his pockets because it was better than molesting Jensen for acknowledging this whole thing. He was giddy about it, but he wasn’t sure how Jeff would respond.
Jeff was looking at him and then a light bulb went on.
“Is that why you always walked around with your hands in your pockets?” Jeff squeaked. “Cause you were going to touch him.”
Jared looked at him wide eyed and a failure of innocent.
“I seriously don’t know how you hid this from me,” Jeff sighed.
Jensen was looking at Jared, a small smile on his face.
Jeff looked at him. “Dear lord. I totally approve, but I think that all of us would rather I not be here.”
Jeff left the room.
Jared stood still.
Jensen took a hesitant step forward before moving to stand before Jared. Jared put his hands on Jensen’s hips.
“Hey,” Jared said, leaning in.
Jensen closed the gap between them and kissed him.
They might be not so great on the social part of their budding relationship, but this, this they knew. Jensen had taught Jared how to kiss, they had practiced in their formative years.
They knew how to kiss.
After a minute Jared pulled back and rested his forehead against Jensen’s.
“This isn’t going to be easy,” Jared said.
“I get that,” Jensen agreed.
“Lets not fight each other,” Jared said. “Just the two of us against the world.”
Jensen smiled. “Okay. Okay.”
**
Jensen got Mackenzie to watch Cam and they went to Jensen’s house. They just found the hammock in the back and rocked back and forth.
Finally Jensen broke their silence as they were curled up together.
“I’m sorry,” Jensen said into Jared’s neck.
They swung back and forth.
“I’m sorry,” he started again. “For sleeping with Danneel, for not telling you about her, about Cam, about the fact that I was getting married. I should have told you.”
They swung back and forth a minute later.
“You did,” Jared said softly, looking up at the shapes the cloud made.
Jensen played with the hem of Jared’s shirt. “It is not the same. I knew you were there, at the top of the stairs. I just wanted to give you a chance. I didn’t know how to say it to your face.”
“I don’t know if I cold have handled it at sixteen,” Jared said.
Jensen let out a little laugh. “That is generous, man, but we know better. There isn’t anything you can’t handle. I’m older and I’m the mess. I feel like I always will be.”
“I don’t know how to build a time machine, you probably always will be,” Jared retorted.
Jensen punched him lightly on the arm. “Bitch.”
They swung another couple of rounds in silence.
Jared spoke. “I’m defiant. I do what I want. I don’t know if I could have had what you did. You care and in your caring you have a son and a woman who cares about you so much they just want you to be happy. I don’t know if I could have had that, I wouldn’t have given it a chance. We did what we did, and that is permanent, but the thing is we just have to figure out what we’re going to do with those choices.”
Jensen played with the hem for a bit before speaking. “Can we swing here until Cam comes home, then I’ll make us dinner, and then you can stay?”
“Isn’t this kind of fast?” Jared asked.
“I’m done playing games,” Jensen said, voice completely sure.
Jared was pretty sure that he was glowing.
Jensen leaned in and kissed him, soft and sweet. For a little bit they just made out in a slow languid way that they never seemed to have time for. Jensen reached for Jared’s belt, it was clumsy from years of unused, but the kisses were bringing noises and the noises were bringing a strong pain of want, long left for dead.
The unpracticed movements would have been awkward under any circumstances, in a hammock they were pretty much impossible.
It was less than a second they ended up on the ground. For a moment Jensen shot up and looked ready to pounce. Jared couldn’t help it, he started laughing and just couldn’t stop.
They were in a mild state of hysterics when Mackenzie showed up with Cam.
They were on the ground, tangled, and for some reason Jared felt really shy.
Mackenzie just watched them. Jensen got up and scooped up Cam, dancing sillily with his son.
She turned towards Jared.
“This is so totally you,” she said with a little surprise.
Jared jumped up defensively. “I didn’t do anything.”
“I think you are,” she said softly. “And I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so…light and fluffy.”
She turned towards him. “I like it. Keep it up.”
With that she went to leave. Then she turned back.
“Jensen has more issues than Us Weekly,” Mackenzie pointed out. “You’re more comfortable in your skin than anyone on the planet. He’s going to freak out. Be nice.”
And with that she left. Jared just stared at her confused.
Jensen came up with Cam on his hip. “Busy body little sister.”
“What is she talking about?” Jared asked.
“She knows me,” Jensen said slowly. “She also knows I’m going to tell my parents about some of this. She figures I’m going to freak out.”
“Oh,” Jared said.
“She’s not wrong,” Jensen said with a little shame.
“Can we wait a little bit,” Jared asked, taking Cam. “Can it just be us for a little bit?”
“Yes, yes, yes,” Cam chanted. “Just us! It’s a secret!”
Jensen looked at him through slittled eyes. “Did Mac give you sugar.”
Cam looked at them with an abnormally high grin. “Ice cream and gummy bears!”
“You are never hanging out with Aunt Mackenzie again,” Jensen said.
Cam pouted and crossed his arms.
**
Jared stopped staying at his parent’s home. He’d go home to help out, but he’d leave after dinner.
They never spoke about it.
Jared watched as Jensen smiled, and smiled more and he didn’t ask or push. They lived in their own little world with only occasional visits from Jeff and Mackenzie, and plenty of calls from Danneel.
It was becoming THEIR life.
Complete with a redhead five year old who was as mesmerized by Jared as Jensen was.
It was three weeks before Jensen looked up from washing the dishes.
“I’ve got to tell my parents,” he said simply.
“Okay,” Jared replied, fearful and giddy that this was going to be really real.
That is when the doorbell rang.
Jensen looked at his soapy hands.
“Get it?” he asked.
Jared put down the drying towel and went to the front door.
Standing there was a stunning redhead.
Danneel.
She grinned at him.
“Hi Jared.”