yeaaaaa
Seriously, i'm tired of having to be fucking home by 12, not having any friends that can hang out even that long, not being able to have any "late night" friends to hang out with, i want more friends, friends that are fun. I'm tired of having friends that honestly, aren't always there. I'm tired of friends sugar coating everything, why can't people be fucking honest with me. Why can't i just not fucking care? why am i so bitter? i don't know, i'm having a shitty day. Started out with fucking having to get re-dressed before work for a certain reason, then spraining my ankle for the day, then work, had an amazing time with Jen, then my mom went on her fucking rave again, and now she's gone. I'm feeling jealous and acting like a dick because i just wish i had more friends and i'm getting frustrated (yea selfish, but meh i know, hypocritical). The ones that are there, thank you.....lately, i've felt closer to Jen, i'm not gonna get my hopes up, but right now, things have been good the last 2 days and it was like old times. I know i've really been a dousche lately but i'm just so fucking stressed at home, at work, with my grandma pretty much well, dying, god it's so fucking hard to even WRITE that. I'm having an extremely shitty summer, also, i haven't felt that good physically. I'm nervous about my regents re take.....i wish i could go back 4 hours where it was me and my BEST FRIEND just laying down listening to music, something we never really did before and i loved it. It made me happier than anything has in the last few days...i just want more of it. I wanna get out and have fun, i'm tired of being home EVERY night. Maybe i'll go to my friend's party thing next week....i don't know...meh i don't know what i exactly want right now, i just have a damn good idea. I know it's a giant rant but bleh....i feel like it was coming. I'm not so nervous about things lately....i just think i STILL care too much, i know pathetic. I just care, thats all. Uhhh.....i'm not tired, it's 11:45, and i have class, yea, CLASS at 11:30 2morrow. GAYYYYY. But then i see pumpy and gamby and we go on an airsoft EXCURSION yes, excursion. And hopefully i'll get to see Jen 2morrow, if not, then another day. Sucks, but what can you do? It's better than nothing. Thats another thing. I've been a lot more optomistic lately (yea i know a lot of you are prolly thinking "bullllshit") but i really am. I'm looking at things how they are and lessening the false hope and taking one day at a time....ehh i'm thirsty......i really want cranberry juice but we don't have.....stupid coffee making me thirsty. Ehhh bitch bitch bicth i know, i could write a book. Music is really good lately...it's relaxing. I don't wanna work next week....eh, what the hell, it's money which means i get to go shopping with Jen for back to school (greatttt) i'm excited for that. I'm excited for the Renn. faire, i'm excited for airsoft on sunday, i'm excited for clothes, i'm excited for a lot.....honest. Just today was really shitty besides seeing Jen...i wanna go for a walk. I wanna....i don't know. I'm out...this is my rant. I know some people may have something to say to me right now but ehhh i really don't care right now.
Did i lock the bagel store up?.....hope so.....i really hope so.
Did i lock the bagel store up?.....hope so.....i really hope so.