(no subject)
You know... yeah... it's true. Everything is my fault. My feelings, my emotions, my entire being... it's my fault.
It's my fault for being conceived after my father and mother got married and then my mother finding out from a police officer that he had sexual relations with another woman beforehand creating my older sister.
It's my fault for getting in trouble with the law at the age of 12 just because my friends were doing it, and I had no sense of common knowledge and was stupid enough to do it. It's my fault, yes.
It's my fault for growing up and staying alive to the point that I endured stupid bullshit at the age of 15 where I punched the window because I was mad at my sister and cut myself up. And when I broke my ankle at 17, my year I could've been a better football player... Man... it's my fault for taking the risk of going against someone stronger than me.
It's my fucking fault for coming online that August 24th, 2002 to see a program called WinMx. It's my fault for making friends there, lovers, buddies, and everything. It's my fault for getting people into my love triangles over the years.
It's my fault for changing so much since Lora... It's my fault that I was so enthralled with it. Yes, I said "it." I don't even know what the person was anymore. It's my fault for having Andi pushing me to try and get with Evelyn. It's my fault for even trying to be with her, and falling for her, then pushing her away just because of how I am when I get tired of being hurt even though I should trust people. It's all my fault. It's no one else's. No one did anything, I did it all...
I'm sorry...
I should just... ~:Sighs:~ It's like no one really listens anymore... I want to cry out to her, but then again... I keep caging myself in the way that I don't want to be alone nor do I want to be hurt again... but either way, I'll always end up into that... It's a bunch of bullshit, man... and I've created it all. It's my fault that everything around my home is going into the hell hole... it's no one else's fault but my own.
~:Sighs:!~
I FUCKING HATE MYSELF... CAN I JUST KILL MYSELF, PLEASE? NONE OF YOU SHOULD FUCKING CARE ABOUT ME ANYMORE ANYWAY.
It's my fault for being conceived after my father and mother got married and then my mother finding out from a police officer that he had sexual relations with another woman beforehand creating my older sister.
It's my fault for getting in trouble with the law at the age of 12 just because my friends were doing it, and I had no sense of common knowledge and was stupid enough to do it. It's my fault, yes.
It's my fault for growing up and staying alive to the point that I endured stupid bullshit at the age of 15 where I punched the window because I was mad at my sister and cut myself up. And when I broke my ankle at 17, my year I could've been a better football player... Man... it's my fault for taking the risk of going against someone stronger than me.
It's my fucking fault for coming online that August 24th, 2002 to see a program called WinMx. It's my fault for making friends there, lovers, buddies, and everything. It's my fault for getting people into my love triangles over the years.
It's my fault for changing so much since Lora... It's my fault that I was so enthralled with it. Yes, I said "it." I don't even know what the person was anymore. It's my fault for having Andi pushing me to try and get with Evelyn. It's my fault for even trying to be with her, and falling for her, then pushing her away just because of how I am when I get tired of being hurt even though I should trust people. It's all my fault. It's no one else's. No one did anything, I did it all...
I'm sorry...
I should just... ~:Sighs:~ It's like no one really listens anymore... I want to cry out to her, but then again... I keep caging myself in the way that I don't want to be alone nor do I want to be hurt again... but either way, I'll always end up into that... It's a bunch of bullshit, man... and I've created it all. It's my fault that everything around my home is going into the hell hole... it's no one else's fault but my own.
~:Sighs:!~
I FUCKING HATE MYSELF... CAN I JUST KILL MYSELF, PLEASE? NONE OF YOU SHOULD FUCKING CARE ABOUT ME ANYMORE ANYWAY.