Feb 14, 2005 20:27
interesting.
Just when i think i know exactly where i stand with someone they throw a curve ball at me. Apparently some people want to be left alone. As they have stated very clearly to me in the last few days. I am just in their way of "total happiness" But as i have done before with others i can back away form u too. No problem; though its going to completely and totally hurt like hell. But i guess it is better that it is done now then later. Went back to the doctor today for a follow up... Doctor was shocked, my chart was a total coaster. Levels were down for a few days, then it just shot right back up higher than where it was before. He scared me the way he was talking about it. Im trembling. I know wat this means and i don't know if i can handel that.
I was having a good day believe it or not. But some people could not see that. Though i don't know why. Comments were made, (coming from the Most unexpected place.) and then my day was shot. It all went down hill from there. Its weird u know? people i used to count on for confidence boosts are now the ones bringing me down. Especially today... i was so shocked i couldn't believe it. Hard pill to swallow when its someone you trust with everything u have and more. Maybe its better to never trust someone that much. Gives them all the power and with power comes hurt. I learned that the hard way. No matter how they sugar coat it.
Yes i will pull through this. And yes jesus will be the major part in all of it, but that doesn't mean that a blow to the heart isn't going to hurt. I just have to work through it, As i have everything else.
Mark is an A$$!
I miss u clarissa :( Need u now more than ever before... keep praying for me.
Until next time remember... jesus loves u and i do too!
~ lil blue smurf