just like a pill...

[true_image]

i'm sure it's been well over a month since i've updated. i don't know, i just don't care anymore. about anything. i mean, i'm not going to say that i haven't had any spectacular or fabulous times this summer, because i certainly have. i don't know what's going on with me and i don't want it to be this way

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[riseupsinging]

i don't know if i act too childishly about it or too "adult," but it bothers me. i personally think you're just right. i really admire that you don't drink, or smoke, or whatever. you're mastering sober lucidity, and that's a real talent. i think you're too good for that honestly. i don't drink normally, and when i do i always drink too much and end up falling asleep or being stupid. smoking cigarettes is dumb. none of those things make me cool. and pot just makes me SO irritating to other people. believe me baby, it's better to have people love / hate you for who you are when you're not on drugs of any kind then it is for people to love / hate you for who you are when you are on drugs, because it's so hard to keep track of why someone feels the way they do about you. as for sex, yeah it feels good but only AFTER you figure out that you're allergic to condoms, semen, birth control makes you crazy, your boyfriend doesn't really love you, you have another yeast infection, oh no am i pregnant, someone's cheating on you, your mom is about to find out, you're in love... oh wait that's me i'm talking about. what i'm trying to say is that sex is stupid until it's really not for you. it's definitely not something to rush into (i did), and virginity is basically the new fall accessory. only the smartest have it. you're the kind of girl who is going to fall in love, and be loved in return, and then sex will be wonderful. but don't even worry about it until then. plus you have carmen electra to show you the pre-coital moves.

and money is a bitch. it makes me jealous, it makes me cry, and it depresses me. i swear to god this is all i've thought about the past couple of days. i was so impressed when you told me how you got your germany money, and how you keep your scholarship for country day. but money is such a terrible thing, and it's even worse when you don't have a lot of it. it's so stressful, but if you think about your life so far, you've always had enough to make ends meet. you even have enough to go out sometimes. don't worry about paying for jewelry school / housing / the rest of your life, because when the time comes, you'll figure out how to make ends meet, or you won't. that's how i look at it anyway.

things just feel so awkward now with so many people i know. it wasn't awkward at all between us, which to me indicates we should hang out again soon.

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