well then
So right before i started to write in this thing i broke the chair I was sittin in, so of course I had to fix it, took about 5ish minutes.. perhaps. I don't know. but Brday just sat on his bed playin his damn video game snickering at me, because I broke the chair. Meanie. So i'm not sure why I was drawn to write in this thing again, epecially since I really have nothing of importance to say.. I mean what would I say, the few that I know that still update thier journals, I don't talk to anymore, I talk to one, and thats Richard. It's Bradys damn fault I even rememberd this thing, It was a good thing that i had forgotton it.. because it always requires you to think, and I hate thinking anyone who knows me knows that i hate fighting.. it just the worst thing in the world to have to do, because in the end it can get you in trouble...
So, each and every night before going to sleep, I lay in his arm thinking, thinking of everything things I don't want to think of. Why don't I want to think of them, cause like I said they get you in trouble. Thinking is bad. It just makes you think more because you come up with different scenarios, and then some of those might be really bad, and then of course you have to think of how you'll get of those bad situations, and then you are in this downward spiral, and get no where, and when you actually say out loud what you are thinking, you really don't get any type of response and if you do, it's not the one you wanted, you don't even know what you want, but what ever response they do give you, you know it wasn't the one you were looking for becuase you are unhappy with it. You want them to think like you do. And sad thing is, thats impossible. Guys can never understand why girls think the way they do. It's just not plausible. It probably easier to stick a grand piano up your nose than it is for guys to understand the thinking of females. But that brings us to, we can't understand men either. I mean how hard is it to answer to something that seems so simple in my mind, but apparently it is, apparently it requires thought, why would you put yourself through that, say the first thing that comes to mind, and not let it be I don't know. See easy. Done. Maybe it's really not that easy.
What if you tell someone that you are falling in love with them and you don't want to? Not this early in a relationship. Not when you are scared that they'll hurt you. Especially since you been hurt because of this before, and it's hard to give your heart away again, but you its a cache 22, because thats all you want to do, but you don't want to have to deal with what negative things will come of it. I'm probabaly making no sense at all... so i'll shut up now...
So, each and every night before going to sleep, I lay in his arm thinking, thinking of everything things I don't want to think of. Why don't I want to think of them, cause like I said they get you in trouble. Thinking is bad. It just makes you think more because you come up with different scenarios, and then some of those might be really bad, and then of course you have to think of how you'll get of those bad situations, and then you are in this downward spiral, and get no where, and when you actually say out loud what you are thinking, you really don't get any type of response and if you do, it's not the one you wanted, you don't even know what you want, but what ever response they do give you, you know it wasn't the one you were looking for becuase you are unhappy with it. You want them to think like you do. And sad thing is, thats impossible. Guys can never understand why girls think the way they do. It's just not plausible. It probably easier to stick a grand piano up your nose than it is for guys to understand the thinking of females. But that brings us to, we can't understand men either. I mean how hard is it to answer to something that seems so simple in my mind, but apparently it is, apparently it requires thought, why would you put yourself through that, say the first thing that comes to mind, and not let it be I don't know. See easy. Done. Maybe it's really not that easy.
What if you tell someone that you are falling in love with them and you don't want to? Not this early in a relationship. Not when you are scared that they'll hurt you. Especially since you been hurt because of this before, and it's hard to give your heart away again, but you its a cache 22, because thats all you want to do, but you don't want to have to deal with what negative things will come of it. I'm probabaly making no sense at all... so i'll shut up now...