yea so...
I'm sitting here again. It's 3:00 in the morning. I'm tired but I can't sleep. Kyle is finally home. This weekend has been wonderful. We just sat in each other's arms all day every day. We didn't even motivate out of bed until 1 in the afternoon today. Everyday is a miracle that I get to be with him, but one thing always lingers in teh back of my mind.
I found out while he was gone, that there are 2 major deployments going out next month. I'm not sure which battalions, but still. I asked him if he knew anything about it and he tells me no. But I knew that there was suomethin gthat he wasn't telling me. He did know. He says that there is "speculation" that they will be one of the next companies deployed. That's why they went to CAX training 2 months in a row. My heart is broken. I felt lied to, betrayed, everything else in between. He tell's me that he doesn't think that he will be the only company going because in his area of work, they usually only send out one plattoon (about 40 to 50 marines), at a time. And that he was a support battalion which means that he would only go if they really needed them, which as of right now they dont. But still in teh back of my mind, I believe that he knows more than he is willing to tell me right now. If I find out that he has known for longer than he is leading me to believe, you all better be ready with a shovel, and a hole in the ground pre-dug. I will never forgive him for that. It's completely unacceptable.
I still have that thought though. I mean I know it's going to happen sooner or later, but still I don't want it right now. I just got him back. I just spent the past 2 fucking months without him, I just spent most of last fucking year without him. I don't want to do it again. It's fucking hard, and I'm already at the end of my rope, and wanting to give up. I could barely handle a 2 month "deployement". I dont know if I could handle a 7 month deployment. I would absolutely lose my mind. I don't know how I feel at this point. I know he loves me with all his heart, as much as I love him probably if not more. But I can't help what I think, and right now I think I just want to crawl in a corner and cry.
I found out while he was gone, that there are 2 major deployments going out next month. I'm not sure which battalions, but still. I asked him if he knew anything about it and he tells me no. But I knew that there was suomethin gthat he wasn't telling me. He did know. He says that there is "speculation" that they will be one of the next companies deployed. That's why they went to CAX training 2 months in a row. My heart is broken. I felt lied to, betrayed, everything else in between. He tell's me that he doesn't think that he will be the only company going because in his area of work, they usually only send out one plattoon (about 40 to 50 marines), at a time. And that he was a support battalion which means that he would only go if they really needed them, which as of right now they dont. But still in teh back of my mind, I believe that he knows more than he is willing to tell me right now. If I find out that he has known for longer than he is leading me to believe, you all better be ready with a shovel, and a hole in the ground pre-dug. I will never forgive him for that. It's completely unacceptable.
I still have that thought though. I mean I know it's going to happen sooner or later, but still I don't want it right now. I just got him back. I just spent the past 2 fucking months without him, I just spent most of last fucking year without him. I don't want to do it again. It's fucking hard, and I'm already at the end of my rope, and wanting to give up. I could barely handle a 2 month "deployement". I dont know if I could handle a 7 month deployment. I would absolutely lose my mind. I don't know how I feel at this point. I know he loves me with all his heart, as much as I love him probably if not more. But I can't help what I think, and right now I think I just want to crawl in a corner and cry.