Over and Over again...

[truboi]

Have you ever been in a situation where you feel hopeless no matter what you try to do? Have you ever try to understand something that is so far beyond your grip that you know you can't get there on your own? Maybe its just my nature to slack off and then try to do things toward the last minute... Maybe its just that i want to ruin my life because boredom is within my blood and that i can't concentrate enough... or maybe i have ADD? Yeah, my life is getting worst and worst... but i'm glad i have my girlfriend there for me... She knows that i'm not doing so well and she accepts me for who i am. People often wonder why i have low self esteem about myself and why my confident isn't there to show me through. Why is time so harsh, why is life so cruel, why am i sitting here blaming myself for every mistake i have done? So many questions i have, so little time to answer them. As i look out through my own window i see people walking the streets... These people once had a family, they once had a mom that cared for them... but sometime broke that happiness... maybe they did it to themselves but no one deserve to sleep in the cold rain... no one deserve to starve to death... no one deserve to sleep in the garbage can. You can say my worst fear is being a begger... but maybe i'm already a begger... begging for helping, begging for attention... I still can't believe that someone so special and beautiful is in my life. She never hesitated to support me when im' a brokeass. In return all i do is break her heart... cause her pain... cause her tears to fall when she should be smiling. Deep within my heart i want to see her smile, i want to see laugh, i want to be the one to buy everything for her even the world. I want her to live a life of a queen. She deserves the best in this world. Only if she knew how much it hurts me to know that maybe i don't have a future... maybe i won't be able to get through college... i dont want her to support me for the rest of my life... but i have this feeling that i can pull through...i can...i will...

- Justinian S.

T.T.