What to do what to do!
So i go to gadsden (home town) today to go check on my grandfather. he is not doing well and i have a bad feeling he is going to die soon and im not sure if i can take losing another grandparent. I just dont think that i can make it. i practically just gave up hope when my grandmother past a year ago. i even thought of suicide cause i just felt there was no use in living if she wasnt here to help me cause it felt like she was the only one who cared about me and understood what i was going through. but i guess im doing better. but my grandfather cant die! he just cant... i honestly and seriously dont know if i will make it through that spiritually alive. I have just seen so much death in my life that it doesnt make any sense. and for the person who asked (you know who you are) thats why i have a box of keepsakes under my bed cause i know that they wont leave me and they cant die so i can hold on to those memories forever. i try so hard not to get close to anyone cause it seems everytime i get close to someone: friend, family, or school mate they seem to either die or leave me in some way. i just cant take any more... not now anywayz.