Life as I know it....
Well, life as I know it is about to end.... I can't believe that we're about to sell the house in Hillisburg...It's really nice that our neighbors' son is going to buy the house. I know he will take good care of the property and turn it into something amazing. I just can't believe this time is happening for me now... All this change.. Big change.... That means I HAVE to go to the house and look through all of my dad's belongings.. Lord, I've not had to face this at all... In fact... I've been avoiding it at all costs... Man. Now I've got to tackle it full force. And CLEANING that house... JESUS. lol I'm sooo not looking forward to that. :) We've been getting requests on alot of my dad's things too from different family members.... I can't say I'm ready for that either. It's just a whole set of feelings that I've been able to keep pushed to the back until now... It's all slapping me in the face now. haha I hope I'm strong enough to face all these things now. Hell just being in that house was about to make me crack today. :( I know this is a huge part of my sadness... But somehow, I just can't let go...
Then, I swear Ryan and my mom are going to KILL each other.... I know firsthand that my mother isn't the easiest person to get along with.. but Damn... lol Ryan has the worst mood swings I've ever seen... he's worse than any girl I know... Anyhow.. Thurs evening he came home in a really bad mood... I was trying to cook dinner and Liam was throwing a fit.. He and mom got into some fight over something stupid.. and basically he yelled at her to "Shut the fuck up!" (Liam in his arms) I snapped.. I totally went off the deep end and I feel sooo guilty. I took Liam from him and screamed at him to get out..... It didn't even sound like my voice..It was like a low throaty growl....soooo weird.. It didn't even sound like me and I felt I had no control... It was awful... I don't know what came over me but I know I scared the holy hell out of Ryan and my mom... Ryan crumbled in tears and my mom just stared at me in disbelief... LOL SHIT! It IS always the quiet ones you have to look out for.. lol
I still don't know what I'm going to do about that... One step at a time... I don't even want to think about that at this time... I've got to get through the house cleaning project and get through that emotionally first....
Then, I swear Ryan and my mom are going to KILL each other.... I know firsthand that my mother isn't the easiest person to get along with.. but Damn... lol Ryan has the worst mood swings I've ever seen... he's worse than any girl I know... Anyhow.. Thurs evening he came home in a really bad mood... I was trying to cook dinner and Liam was throwing a fit.. He and mom got into some fight over something stupid.. and basically he yelled at her to "Shut the fuck up!" (Liam in his arms) I snapped.. I totally went off the deep end and I feel sooo guilty. I took Liam from him and screamed at him to get out..... It didn't even sound like my voice..It was like a low throaty growl....soooo weird.. It didn't even sound like me and I felt I had no control... It was awful... I don't know what came over me but I know I scared the holy hell out of Ryan and my mom... Ryan crumbled in tears and my mom just stared at me in disbelief... LOL SHIT! It IS always the quiet ones you have to look out for.. lol
I still don't know what I'm going to do about that... One step at a time... I don't even want to think about that at this time... I've got to get through the house cleaning project and get through that emotionally first....