IMPORTANT
Truth be told, i'm not in a good place right now. To begin this story i must first being a week ago and I am changing names because they ought to be changed*. It's that simple. This story is true and took place over the past few days and my behavior may not reflect any of it, but inside my head i think things and while the human race had a tendency to judge everything the rarely judge the secret, yet most honest feelings, that everyone keeps in their head. So lets get on with this.
I was at a soccer tournament on Sunday last week. Sports tend to bring out the worst in people. I should know. I had just deliberately thrown an elbow into a defenders chest and they we in obvious discomfort and pain. I didn't care this time. I was frustrated. And this was a sport. So then two of our defenders start yelling at Joe* for dribbling to much in forward. They had been dribbling in defense and had almost cost us the game. So they had no right to go off on other people. And then Billy* freezes with the ball. His opponent freezes too. Billy puts out his hand and taunts the player forward. Then he clears it out. Our teams parents laugh and say oh that was cool and funny. The ref pulls Billy aside. I wanted so badly for him to get carded. But the reff left him with a warning. Everyone's like "Why would that be a card?" Of course me, being in a bad mood, and my exposure to bad words and my bad habit of using them A LOT i screamed at the sideline, "Because it's fucking rude and makes him look like an inconsiderate jerk!" So anyways the whistle was blown we won the tournement. Everyone cheered and i just stood there looking pissed. I had gotten to the point where i wanted the other team to win really badly. I didn't want the jerks on our team to come ahead of them. They didn't deserve too. But we won. Life is fair isn't it? So then comes the worst part.
Picture a soccer field. On the left side there is a wide open goal. On the other side there is a coach and his team warming up for their game. We are at half field. The parents come over and want to take a picture. Mrs. Jenners* walks over to the goal where the team is shooting and warming up. I said "The other goal is wide open." Another parent walks over there. Mrs. Jenners says in her very VERY obnoxious voice, "No, this one is closer and they can move." FIST OF ALL WHAT THE FUCK? Hate is a strong word so let me now state that i dislike this woman as much as you can without hating someone. (She has done many things previously but it was not until now i just lost any thought that there was an ounce of good potential in her body or in the general human race. Gee thanks Mrs. Jenners) Okay so everyone walks over to the goal and she starts setting us up while the coach of the team warming up is like, "Whoa what are you doing?" And so we spend 5 minutes doing that when she says never mind we'll take it behind the goal. Okay,
1. You are rude.
2. You just wasted a teams warm up time. which is rude.
3. You are an idiot because it took you so long to realize you were going to take a long time taking pictures and were wating even more of the team warming ups time.
4. You are even more of an idiot because there was a wide open goal, and you were a lazy bitch who wanted the one that was 7 feet closer. And you didn't even realize how rude you were being.
So they walk away and i turn around to the team warming up and their coach and say very loudly, "I'm sorry our parents are so rude and inconsiderate."
So after pictures everyones joking around and happy (oh, p.s.-one of our players was injured and Ms. jenners* was like "oh well" but some kind human beings[which there are few of] made her wait) but anyways i stormed off and wanted to leave. I didn't want my trophy i wanted to get away fro mthese horrible people. To be honest she made me sick.... And this whole senerio was not the worst thing she's done it was just the top of the mountain of them all that toppeled over. So my parents make me wait. We get trophies and stuff. My coach asks my parents, "Whats wrong with Ashley?" they shrug it off. My Dad can't stand rude people. He speaks his mind. He was on my side. And he never starts anything. But my gosh he can finish it. But luckily he kept some self control. Personally i wish he would have slugged that woman. Or that i would of. I know thats wrong, but she was soooo stuburn that she needed some sense knocked into her. No...really. So we're driving on the way home and we're coming out od this gas station. This car swerves off the road and almost slugs us, and my dad was driving and he's prolly the best driver i know, and he used to race go-karts that went 180, and so he knows about all that crazy stuff and he's avoided a ton of accidents and they have never been his fault. So he lays on his horn. Ironically the children in the car start waving. They are on my team and are my friends. But their mother, Mrs. Jenners* who is busily chatting on her cell phone and driving like a lunatic is offically my least favorite person ever and was drving. My dad says, "I wasn't honking to say hello you idiots, i did it to say get off your cell phomne and DRIVE!" we had the windows up. Go self-controlled dad. well somewhat. It's funny how i'm getting more like him every day. Some people might think thats bad. I don't. He's the greatest guy I know even though he drinks, and i hate him when he drinks. But during the day he's amazing. And i don't need to explain this. It doesn't need to be explained. And some people wouldn't get it if it was because they don't apprecitate the simple good acts people rarely preform for others. I do. I appreciate my father.
So this brings me to my next story. It's short and simple. We watched a movie about a genocide in 2nd period. Some people cry, others are unaffected and joke around. I'm silent. I glare at the screen sometimes because i'm mad at what people do. Or what others don't do to stop whats being done. It's self explanitory. There are some really horrible people in this world. I hope that someone can help them. I really do.
And then it's been a week since my last soccer tournement. A lot of things are going on. They're affecting me a lot. But i'm not allowed to put them on here. So i'm sorry for that. They are also an amazingly large factor in this... But lets move on. On the highway cars slowed up. There was an accident. We see then on the news every day. Lots of them. Most people are passive. Our car had been stopped right beside the whole thing. I mean all i remember is me looking down at the man on the ground who was so pale and messed up and his eyes... Dad said it was a motorcycle accident. I looked away after i had been staring at the body for awhile so i hadn't noticed... Those things are hard to see... I begged God to let that man live. I'm waiting for a report on the news or internet to tell me what happened. I know the road number and everything. It was a sad moment. I mean there was an ambulance but they weren't hurrying him in... So he must have been dead already or they had to be quick because they were just working on him in the middle of an exit on the highway... I feel such a thin line between life and death. It makes me want to live and better other people and the world. But it also makes me think of the people who judge others, try to ruin their lives and are just so horrible to others. I want someone to help them too.
And i want someone to help me. I say all these bad things to point out the human races downfalls. I contribute to these. But i don't want to. I've promised myself to try to be better. It hasn't worked all that much. But i try. And I want to continue to try.
And on the first paragraph of this there was a load screech of car tires outside of my house. It lasted for a very long time. I froze. Maybe i should go outside and look for the car because after the screech i never saw it go by.... Or dad is probably out there. And it was by a bridge over the water. I was four when a boy jumped off that bridge and die and father went down to help the ambulance and stuff, and he had seen the body. I remember how badly i had wanted to go help. It was instinct to me, and i didn't even understand then. But i wanted to help.
I wish everyone had that childlike reaction when other people are hurt.
My point is, a lot of people are sooo self centered. I probably come off that way. But if you didn't judge and got into my head you would know that. Sorry thats not possible. But in a way it is.
You figure that out.
Get mad and angry at someone if they do something horrible.
Then pray that they can be helped.
Try to forgive them. FYI this is hard for me.
and you could die tomorrow. You could die as soon as you finish reading this sentence. It's like snapping your fingers. So be thankful. Think before you do something stupid or something that may hurt someone else. Live.
like i said... a lot of this is me internally. so you've seen some of the "thoughts inside my head". this is 1 in 100000000000 x a lot. i may not act any different. i dunno, I'm not sure how i want to come off to other people. I'm just going to finish this year up and maybe act normal i guess. It's just one more week. But in this week people can change. Anything can change. So remember that.
I also found out the screech was a reckless drunk driver who could have just killed himself behind my house where a few other people have already died by jumping off bridges and stuff.
Make better choices.
Please.
I was at a soccer tournament on Sunday last week. Sports tend to bring out the worst in people. I should know. I had just deliberately thrown an elbow into a defenders chest and they we in obvious discomfort and pain. I didn't care this time. I was frustrated. And this was a sport. So then two of our defenders start yelling at Joe* for dribbling to much in forward. They had been dribbling in defense and had almost cost us the game. So they had no right to go off on other people. And then Billy* freezes with the ball. His opponent freezes too. Billy puts out his hand and taunts the player forward. Then he clears it out. Our teams parents laugh and say oh that was cool and funny. The ref pulls Billy aside. I wanted so badly for him to get carded. But the reff left him with a warning. Everyone's like "Why would that be a card?" Of course me, being in a bad mood, and my exposure to bad words and my bad habit of using them A LOT i screamed at the sideline, "Because it's fucking rude and makes him look like an inconsiderate jerk!" So anyways the whistle was blown we won the tournement. Everyone cheered and i just stood there looking pissed. I had gotten to the point where i wanted the other team to win really badly. I didn't want the jerks on our team to come ahead of them. They didn't deserve too. But we won. Life is fair isn't it? So then comes the worst part.
Picture a soccer field. On the left side there is a wide open goal. On the other side there is a coach and his team warming up for their game. We are at half field. The parents come over and want to take a picture. Mrs. Jenners* walks over to the goal where the team is shooting and warming up. I said "The other goal is wide open." Another parent walks over there. Mrs. Jenners says in her very VERY obnoxious voice, "No, this one is closer and they can move." FIST OF ALL WHAT THE FUCK? Hate is a strong word so let me now state that i dislike this woman as much as you can without hating someone. (She has done many things previously but it was not until now i just lost any thought that there was an ounce of good potential in her body or in the general human race. Gee thanks Mrs. Jenners) Okay so everyone walks over to the goal and she starts setting us up while the coach of the team warming up is like, "Whoa what are you doing?" And so we spend 5 minutes doing that when she says never mind we'll take it behind the goal. Okay,
1. You are rude.
2. You just wasted a teams warm up time. which is rude.
3. You are an idiot because it took you so long to realize you were going to take a long time taking pictures and were wating even more of the team warming ups time.
4. You are even more of an idiot because there was a wide open goal, and you were a lazy bitch who wanted the one that was 7 feet closer. And you didn't even realize how rude you were being.
So they walk away and i turn around to the team warming up and their coach and say very loudly, "I'm sorry our parents are so rude and inconsiderate."
So after pictures everyones joking around and happy (oh, p.s.-one of our players was injured and Ms. jenners* was like "oh well" but some kind human beings[which there are few of] made her wait) but anyways i stormed off and wanted to leave. I didn't want my trophy i wanted to get away fro mthese horrible people. To be honest she made me sick.... And this whole senerio was not the worst thing she's done it was just the top of the mountain of them all that toppeled over. So my parents make me wait. We get trophies and stuff. My coach asks my parents, "Whats wrong with Ashley?" they shrug it off. My Dad can't stand rude people. He speaks his mind. He was on my side. And he never starts anything. But my gosh he can finish it. But luckily he kept some self control. Personally i wish he would have slugged that woman. Or that i would of. I know thats wrong, but she was soooo stuburn that she needed some sense knocked into her. No...really. So we're driving on the way home and we're coming out od this gas station. This car swerves off the road and almost slugs us, and my dad was driving and he's prolly the best driver i know, and he used to race go-karts that went 180, and so he knows about all that crazy stuff and he's avoided a ton of accidents and they have never been his fault. So he lays on his horn. Ironically the children in the car start waving. They are on my team and are my friends. But their mother, Mrs. Jenners* who is busily chatting on her cell phone and driving like a lunatic is offically my least favorite person ever and was drving. My dad says, "I wasn't honking to say hello you idiots, i did it to say get off your cell phomne and DRIVE!" we had the windows up. Go self-controlled dad. well somewhat. It's funny how i'm getting more like him every day. Some people might think thats bad. I don't. He's the greatest guy I know even though he drinks, and i hate him when he drinks. But during the day he's amazing. And i don't need to explain this. It doesn't need to be explained. And some people wouldn't get it if it was because they don't apprecitate the simple good acts people rarely preform for others. I do. I appreciate my father.
So this brings me to my next story. It's short and simple. We watched a movie about a genocide in 2nd period. Some people cry, others are unaffected and joke around. I'm silent. I glare at the screen sometimes because i'm mad at what people do. Or what others don't do to stop whats being done. It's self explanitory. There are some really horrible people in this world. I hope that someone can help them. I really do.
And then it's been a week since my last soccer tournement. A lot of things are going on. They're affecting me a lot. But i'm not allowed to put them on here. So i'm sorry for that. They are also an amazingly large factor in this... But lets move on. On the highway cars slowed up. There was an accident. We see then on the news every day. Lots of them. Most people are passive. Our car had been stopped right beside the whole thing. I mean all i remember is me looking down at the man on the ground who was so pale and messed up and his eyes... Dad said it was a motorcycle accident. I looked away after i had been staring at the body for awhile so i hadn't noticed... Those things are hard to see... I begged God to let that man live. I'm waiting for a report on the news or internet to tell me what happened. I know the road number and everything. It was a sad moment. I mean there was an ambulance but they weren't hurrying him in... So he must have been dead already or they had to be quick because they were just working on him in the middle of an exit on the highway... I feel such a thin line between life and death. It makes me want to live and better other people and the world. But it also makes me think of the people who judge others, try to ruin their lives and are just so horrible to others. I want someone to help them too.
And i want someone to help me. I say all these bad things to point out the human races downfalls. I contribute to these. But i don't want to. I've promised myself to try to be better. It hasn't worked all that much. But i try. And I want to continue to try.
And on the first paragraph of this there was a load screech of car tires outside of my house. It lasted for a very long time. I froze. Maybe i should go outside and look for the car because after the screech i never saw it go by.... Or dad is probably out there. And it was by a bridge over the water. I was four when a boy jumped off that bridge and die and father went down to help the ambulance and stuff, and he had seen the body. I remember how badly i had wanted to go help. It was instinct to me, and i didn't even understand then. But i wanted to help.
I wish everyone had that childlike reaction when other people are hurt.
My point is, a lot of people are sooo self centered. I probably come off that way. But if you didn't judge and got into my head you would know that. Sorry thats not possible. But in a way it is.
You figure that out.
Get mad and angry at someone if they do something horrible.
Then pray that they can be helped.
Try to forgive them. FYI this is hard for me.
and you could die tomorrow. You could die as soon as you finish reading this sentence. It's like snapping your fingers. So be thankful. Think before you do something stupid or something that may hurt someone else. Live.
like i said... a lot of this is me internally. so you've seen some of the "thoughts inside my head". this is 1 in 100000000000 x a lot. i may not act any different. i dunno, I'm not sure how i want to come off to other people. I'm just going to finish this year up and maybe act normal i guess. It's just one more week. But in this week people can change. Anything can change. So remember that.
I also found out the screech was a reckless drunk driver who could have just killed himself behind my house where a few other people have already died by jumping off bridges and stuff.
Make better choices.
Please.