(no subject)
look at this. LOOK AT THIS.
look at her.
maybe comprehension is a fucking illusion, but at least pretend to understand; sometimes it gets too fucking annoying trying to turn a trivial matter into a more urgent disappointment, although sometimes things can't be distraught for long periods of time [ gets moldy, i suppose, at least that's what they say ].
you know what. this is the bashing i can't tolerate. the self loathing. it always comes back to this. always. you've programmed us to be that way. you've programmed us to be an asshole.
how wonderfully delightful of you.
and now we're here, fucking EVERYTHING up, constantly becoming more and more of a burden, not only to our guardians but to the others, and it just gets out of control. it gets out of control because it's a mistake i made willingly, selfishly because i wanted it to happen. it was of no consequence then that i'd be such a nuisance, such a trouble-causer, but then again you make me blind just to open my eyes when it hurts. you love it, you sick fuck, you sick, sick fuck, you just love it so much; and they never understand because they don't see what i see, they don't blame themselves for everything that goes on; in fact they blame everyone else BUT. and it doesn't matter what i do.
it will always backfire. always wrong, always too much, always never enough, always in the way, always not where i'm supposed to be, always always always you're stupid and you should have known better.
i don't even want to write here anymore. i'm such a fucking pointless waste. all i do is cause chaos that never should have happened.
and for the first time, i really can't blame you.
look at her.
maybe comprehension is a fucking illusion, but at least pretend to understand; sometimes it gets too fucking annoying trying to turn a trivial matter into a more urgent disappointment, although sometimes things can't be distraught for long periods of time [ gets moldy, i suppose, at least that's what they say ].
you know what. this is the bashing i can't tolerate. the self loathing. it always comes back to this. always. you've programmed us to be that way. you've programmed us to be an asshole.
how wonderfully delightful of you.
and now we're here, fucking EVERYTHING up, constantly becoming more and more of a burden, not only to our guardians but to the others, and it just gets out of control. it gets out of control because it's a mistake i made willingly, selfishly because i wanted it to happen. it was of no consequence then that i'd be such a nuisance, such a trouble-causer, but then again you make me blind just to open my eyes when it hurts. you love it, you sick fuck, you sick, sick fuck, you just love it so much; and they never understand because they don't see what i see, they don't blame themselves for everything that goes on; in fact they blame everyone else BUT. and it doesn't matter what i do.
it will always backfire. always wrong, always too much, always never enough, always in the way, always not where i'm supposed to be, always always always you're stupid and you should have known better.
i don't even want to write here anymore. i'm such a fucking pointless waste. all i do is cause chaos that never should have happened.
and for the first time, i really can't blame you.