(no subject)
“Smoking’s bad for you, you know,” I said, playing the role of the obnoxious school brat he seemed to think I was.
“So is candy.”
“Point taken.”
“Quit pretending to be stupid, kid, I ain’t no parental and I can see right through you.”
“What makes you think-“
He spun around and grabbed me by the shirt collar, yanking me off the ground and putting his face right in mine. His eyes were black, blacker than anything I had ever seen, and they were cold.
Cold, dead eyes.
But they saw everything.
“You lie to me now, you’re setting yourself up for lying to me later, and you know what I do to liars, kid?” He took his cigarette out of his mouth and made an obscene gargling sound in the back of his throat as he swiped his fingers across his neck-burning himself in the process. “You got yourself into deep shit when you followed me out of that door. Confused? Here’s two reasons-and I got plenty more but I ain’t wasting my breath explaining when I could be smoking another cigarette, so don’t test my patience. First, you, in your own way, whether knowing it or not, put me in your debt by covering my ass. Not my choice; damn code, have to follow it. Second, you followed me. Do you even know who I am, kid?”
I shook my head, and he dropped me, rolling his eyes and blowing more smoke. I was getting sick from it, and he seemed to be enjoying it too much to be sane.
“You’re the second damn street-rat punk-ass kid I’ve picked up since I’ve been in this business, and let me tell you, you’re going to be a fucking nuisance, just like the other one was. Trash-talking pieces of shit, you kids are. Then again,” he said, inhaling more smoke and closing his eyes for a moment, “I act like I ain’t got no options here, when in fact I have several.”
“Look, I’m glad you’re having a fun conversation with yourself over there, but are you going to let me leave now or is there something you want me to do?”
He started laughing again until he coughed a couple times and tossed his cigarette to the ground. I thought he was actually going to take a break.
Right.
He pulled out another one and lit it, then chuckled at me. “I’d swear you two were related if you weren’t different species.”
“What the fuck are you talking about-“
“Come with me, kid, I gotta get you to un-debt me and then I’ll let you go. How’s that sound?”
I didn’t like the sound of it. He seemed to be quite a nasty character, and “un-debt” was not a phrase that seemed to end in anything fun for me. “And that works... how?”
“You ain’t in no position to be asking questions, kid.”
“You asked me one-“
“Yeah, and you ain’t supposed to answer a question with a question, so swallow that sharp tongue of yours and quit bitching at me.”
“You’re the one who’s bitching, not me-“
He kicked me in the gut. “Shut up, man, just shut up. Quit your yapping and follow me. I’ll be glad to be rid of your filthy ass, street trash.”
“Oh like you’re so clean yourself-“
He hit me right in between the eyes. “Boy you don’t know when to quit, do you?”
I was too busy trying to reorient myself to retort.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Little bastard.”
Why did everyone feel the need to smack me around? Did I have a sign on my back that said “KICK ME!” or did I have “IDIOT” tattooed on my forehead? Am I missing something here?
Oh, wait, I’m a kid, I don’t have an opinion. My bad.
“What’s your name?”
“What’s yours?” I snapped, growling at him. He shifted, and I was ready to counter whatever he was going to throw at me, but instead he just gave me a long stare.
“Benjamin,” he said slowly. “Benjamin.”
I raised an eyebrow. “What kind of name is that-“
“Ain’t matter what kind of name it is, kid, you gotta learn not to be so quick to judge and stop being so narrow-minded. You ain’t never thought twice ‘bout the words you spit all over, but if you take into consideration just who the hell I am, it might make more sense.”
“You keep assuming I know you,” I said, “when in fact I couldn’t put your name to a picture, even if I did.”
“That’s a damn dirty lie.” He lit up another cigarette. “They just ain’t call me Benjamin on the screens, yeah?”
“What are you talking about,” I said. Something about the way he cocked his head to the side like that, that crooked smile, black eyes-
Oh. Shit.
“Yeah, see, yeah you know me. I can see it in your face, kid, you just now figured it out. Need to get rid of that habit, by the way-you’re way too easy to read. Yeah, though, they call me some other name ‘round here. Can’t recall at the moment. It’ll come to me later.”
“Axis,” I sputtered.
“That be it.” He laughed under his breath. “Dumb fucks. How the hell does Benjamin sound remotely like Axis?”
“They call you that because-“
“Yeah I know, shut up, I be joking, kid, can’t you laugh sometime other than when I mention your parentals?”
I bit my tongue. Hard.
“I’m gonna keep digging deep like that if you don’t watch your mouth. You’re easy to read, I told you. I can tell you right now who you are-your parents beat you, which is why you clam up like that, and you’re so defensive, yet you’re angry as fuck-but you don’t say a damn thing. You’re smart, kid, real smart, you just don’t know how to use that intelligence. You ran away, I’ll bet. Am I right?”
I swallowed what I was going to say and kept quiet.
“Yeah. Yeah.” He tossed his latest cigarette to the ground and crushed it with his foot, putting his hands in his pockets and leaning back a little bit. Relaxed. “Trust me, kid, I know that story. I been there, done that, lived through it, got past it, moved on, whatever. I don’t have any inspirational speeches for you, ‘cause honestly, where I’m at now ain’t much better. Life sucks. Anybody that tells you otherwise is on drugs, probably, because they obviously don’t know shit.”
“Nice to know.”
He suddenly got real serious, and loud. “You think life is all sugar-coated and candy, don’t you. You think, oh hey my life sucks now but I’ve got something good coming to me eventually, it can’t all be bad. Get that fucking idea out of your head right now, kid. Right now. Life is shit. You’re born, you crawl, and you die, and then it’s fucking over. There ain’t no such thing as the Next Life, or whatever those crazy Vianis preachers try and tell you. When you’re dead, you’re dead, and then you’re just home for a bunch of flesh-eating maggots. I ain’t trying to be cool, or mean, or whatever the fuck you think I’m doing. I’m telling you the truth. I’ve killed people, kid. I kill them all the time. I’ve seen friends get killed. I’ve almost been killed myself. It doesn’t bother me no more. And for what? Money. Sex. Drugs. Alcohol. You name it, I’ve done it, I’ve seen it, I’ve had it. I’ve been through hell and back five times over, and it doesn’t get any better. Ever. I’ve been cheated on, lied to, abused, cursed at, backstabbed, set up, beat up-the whole fucking book. I’m still here, yeah, and I still do the same shit. But I tell you one thing, kid. You think life sucks where you’re at? Just try it when you’ve got nothing to lose.”
I didn’t say anything. I’m not sure what message he was trying to throw at me, or which way I was supposed to read into what he said. It could have been taken several ways, so I took all of them.
He seemed spent after that. Probably didn’t help that his lungs were coated with smoke from all those damn cigarettes.
“You never told me your name,” he murmured, lighting up another cigarette. “But you don’t need to.”
“Why’s that?”
“A name means nothing. It’s just the fucking thing they write on your gravestone to make people believe you actually lived at one point. We don’t live, kid, we exist. As far as I’m concerned, your name is kid, and that’s what I’m going to call you. When I say you, you listen. You know I’m talking to you. You can call me you too, for all I care. I don’t give a shit. Names are for drama-whores.”
“Mmkay. Gotchya.”
“Don’t be a smartass.”
“I didn’t say anything-“
“Yeah you did. Shut up.”
“Okay-“
“What did I say?”
I didn’t say a word.
“That’s better.” He coughed a couple of times, then threw the cigarette away. “I’ve been waiting ten fucking years for that damn thing to kill me,” he said, giving me a cynical crooked smirk. “Guess good ol’ Death don’t want me yet.”
I wouldn’t want him either.
“So is candy.”
“Point taken.”
“Quit pretending to be stupid, kid, I ain’t no parental and I can see right through you.”
“What makes you think-“
He spun around and grabbed me by the shirt collar, yanking me off the ground and putting his face right in mine. His eyes were black, blacker than anything I had ever seen, and they were cold.
Cold, dead eyes.
But they saw everything.
“You lie to me now, you’re setting yourself up for lying to me later, and you know what I do to liars, kid?” He took his cigarette out of his mouth and made an obscene gargling sound in the back of his throat as he swiped his fingers across his neck-burning himself in the process. “You got yourself into deep shit when you followed me out of that door. Confused? Here’s two reasons-and I got plenty more but I ain’t wasting my breath explaining when I could be smoking another cigarette, so don’t test my patience. First, you, in your own way, whether knowing it or not, put me in your debt by covering my ass. Not my choice; damn code, have to follow it. Second, you followed me. Do you even know who I am, kid?”
I shook my head, and he dropped me, rolling his eyes and blowing more smoke. I was getting sick from it, and he seemed to be enjoying it too much to be sane.
“You’re the second damn street-rat punk-ass kid I’ve picked up since I’ve been in this business, and let me tell you, you’re going to be a fucking nuisance, just like the other one was. Trash-talking pieces of shit, you kids are. Then again,” he said, inhaling more smoke and closing his eyes for a moment, “I act like I ain’t got no options here, when in fact I have several.”
“Look, I’m glad you’re having a fun conversation with yourself over there, but are you going to let me leave now or is there something you want me to do?”
He started laughing again until he coughed a couple times and tossed his cigarette to the ground. I thought he was actually going to take a break.
Right.
He pulled out another one and lit it, then chuckled at me. “I’d swear you two were related if you weren’t different species.”
“What the fuck are you talking about-“
“Come with me, kid, I gotta get you to un-debt me and then I’ll let you go. How’s that sound?”
I didn’t like the sound of it. He seemed to be quite a nasty character, and “un-debt” was not a phrase that seemed to end in anything fun for me. “And that works... how?”
“You ain’t in no position to be asking questions, kid.”
“You asked me one-“
“Yeah, and you ain’t supposed to answer a question with a question, so swallow that sharp tongue of yours and quit bitching at me.”
“You’re the one who’s bitching, not me-“
He kicked me in the gut. “Shut up, man, just shut up. Quit your yapping and follow me. I’ll be glad to be rid of your filthy ass, street trash.”
“Oh like you’re so clean yourself-“
He hit me right in between the eyes. “Boy you don’t know when to quit, do you?”
I was too busy trying to reorient myself to retort.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Little bastard.”
Why did everyone feel the need to smack me around? Did I have a sign on my back that said “KICK ME!” or did I have “IDIOT” tattooed on my forehead? Am I missing something here?
Oh, wait, I’m a kid, I don’t have an opinion. My bad.
“What’s your name?”
“What’s yours?” I snapped, growling at him. He shifted, and I was ready to counter whatever he was going to throw at me, but instead he just gave me a long stare.
“Benjamin,” he said slowly. “Benjamin.”
I raised an eyebrow. “What kind of name is that-“
“Ain’t matter what kind of name it is, kid, you gotta learn not to be so quick to judge and stop being so narrow-minded. You ain’t never thought twice ‘bout the words you spit all over, but if you take into consideration just who the hell I am, it might make more sense.”
“You keep assuming I know you,” I said, “when in fact I couldn’t put your name to a picture, even if I did.”
“That’s a damn dirty lie.” He lit up another cigarette. “They just ain’t call me Benjamin on the screens, yeah?”
“What are you talking about,” I said. Something about the way he cocked his head to the side like that, that crooked smile, black eyes-
Oh. Shit.
“Yeah, see, yeah you know me. I can see it in your face, kid, you just now figured it out. Need to get rid of that habit, by the way-you’re way too easy to read. Yeah, though, they call me some other name ‘round here. Can’t recall at the moment. It’ll come to me later.”
“Axis,” I sputtered.
“That be it.” He laughed under his breath. “Dumb fucks. How the hell does Benjamin sound remotely like Axis?”
“They call you that because-“
“Yeah I know, shut up, I be joking, kid, can’t you laugh sometime other than when I mention your parentals?”
I bit my tongue. Hard.
“I’m gonna keep digging deep like that if you don’t watch your mouth. You’re easy to read, I told you. I can tell you right now who you are-your parents beat you, which is why you clam up like that, and you’re so defensive, yet you’re angry as fuck-but you don’t say a damn thing. You’re smart, kid, real smart, you just don’t know how to use that intelligence. You ran away, I’ll bet. Am I right?”
I swallowed what I was going to say and kept quiet.
“Yeah. Yeah.” He tossed his latest cigarette to the ground and crushed it with his foot, putting his hands in his pockets and leaning back a little bit. Relaxed. “Trust me, kid, I know that story. I been there, done that, lived through it, got past it, moved on, whatever. I don’t have any inspirational speeches for you, ‘cause honestly, where I’m at now ain’t much better. Life sucks. Anybody that tells you otherwise is on drugs, probably, because they obviously don’t know shit.”
“Nice to know.”
He suddenly got real serious, and loud. “You think life is all sugar-coated and candy, don’t you. You think, oh hey my life sucks now but I’ve got something good coming to me eventually, it can’t all be bad. Get that fucking idea out of your head right now, kid. Right now. Life is shit. You’re born, you crawl, and you die, and then it’s fucking over. There ain’t no such thing as the Next Life, or whatever those crazy Vianis preachers try and tell you. When you’re dead, you’re dead, and then you’re just home for a bunch of flesh-eating maggots. I ain’t trying to be cool, or mean, or whatever the fuck you think I’m doing. I’m telling you the truth. I’ve killed people, kid. I kill them all the time. I’ve seen friends get killed. I’ve almost been killed myself. It doesn’t bother me no more. And for what? Money. Sex. Drugs. Alcohol. You name it, I’ve done it, I’ve seen it, I’ve had it. I’ve been through hell and back five times over, and it doesn’t get any better. Ever. I’ve been cheated on, lied to, abused, cursed at, backstabbed, set up, beat up-the whole fucking book. I’m still here, yeah, and I still do the same shit. But I tell you one thing, kid. You think life sucks where you’re at? Just try it when you’ve got nothing to lose.”
I didn’t say anything. I’m not sure what message he was trying to throw at me, or which way I was supposed to read into what he said. It could have been taken several ways, so I took all of them.
He seemed spent after that. Probably didn’t help that his lungs were coated with smoke from all those damn cigarettes.
“You never told me your name,” he murmured, lighting up another cigarette. “But you don’t need to.”
“Why’s that?”
“A name means nothing. It’s just the fucking thing they write on your gravestone to make people believe you actually lived at one point. We don’t live, kid, we exist. As far as I’m concerned, your name is kid, and that’s what I’m going to call you. When I say you, you listen. You know I’m talking to you. You can call me you too, for all I care. I don’t give a shit. Names are for drama-whores.”
“Mmkay. Gotchya.”
“Don’t be a smartass.”
“I didn’t say anything-“
“Yeah you did. Shut up.”
“Okay-“
“What did I say?”
I didn’t say a word.
“That’s better.” He coughed a couple of times, then threw the cigarette away. “I’ve been waiting ten fucking years for that damn thing to kill me,” he said, giving me a cynical crooked smirk. “Guess good ol’ Death don’t want me yet.”
I wouldn’t want him either.