Everything is better....
I think. I hope so at least. No one has to worry I won't mix anything or be stupid. No babies. Alan adn I are ok now. I stopped being stupid. I thought that I could be all cool about it and see other guys while seeing him so when I went to a party at Troy and Aaron's house on sunday night I thought I could flirt and be happy with Troy and don't get me wrong he was pretty sweet. A little horny and I did't like that but whatever. he left the biggest friggen hicky on the back of my neck. I hate hickeys I feel disgusting like I've been branded or something. So now I have to wait and wear sweaters and scarfs for like a week. But I won't ever see Troy again if I can help it. Yet again Alan's mother was being stupid and I couldn't help but think that maybe it was him not wating to see me, I tried to refuse that thought but it didn't work so to try and make me feel better Travis and Ashley took me back over to Troy and Aaron's. It was fun except that Troy kept trying to get in my pants. I didn't like that so much and when Ashley and Travis left me I tried going with but troy said that they would be right back. That's when Troy took me into his room. Nothing happened thank god but only because I struggled not to let him. Finally ashley came back and asked where I was and she came into the room and I thought I was going to be saved and when I held out my hand to her she laughed and said I'm not joining. I've never been able to be mean to someone when they want me so I thought that because ashley knows me she would understand that I didn't want to be there. She left me and closed the door. Finally I said ok now I want to be out there. It took some more struggaling to get up but I managed and I mouthed to ashley after some time that it was time to leave. They didn't seem to make a big deal about it but it was to me. I wanted to cry I felt used and disgusted. I told Travis to call Alan, all I wanted last night was for him to hold me. I thought I could see other people but now I now that I can't and I don't want to. I was going to tell Alan about what had happened but there really isn't anything to say. Things are ok between us now...I guess. He didn't really seem to think that anything was wrong. That's fine by me. If he can't see the bitch in me than I won't argue. I asked him, even though he didn't think anything was wrong, to forgive me. He did and I felt better. I'm seeing him again after school today...yea!