Discarded Storyline from "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" crack!ficlet
"....thus the wands sold to every British schoolchild are magically linked through a single device to a parchment which records every spell cast by that child. AND where they were cast." concluded Hermione at the end of a three hour presentation involving numerous Power Point slides.
"So that's how V....You-Know-Who keeps finding us, despite us camping in the woods?" asked Ron after Harry had nudged him awake.
"That's what I just SAID, Ronald!" fumed Hermione.
"So how do we get rid of that parchment? We can't raid the Ministry again, because we're out of Polyjuice, and they've tightened up security." asked Harry tiredly.
Since the discussion had obviously gone beyond his territories of Quidditch, chess, and food Ron had gone back to listening to his iPod. He unconsciously began quietly humming along.
5 minutes later, after many ideas were discarded, Ron accidentally started SINGING along.... "Oo-ee-oo-ah-ah, ting, tang, walla, walla, bing, bang...."
The other two rounded on Ron. "Aren't you paying attention, Ron?!? Give me that! You can have it back after the discussion is over." said Hermione, holding out her hand for the offending item.
Harry went blank for a second, then said, "That's IT! How about Voodoo?"
-=-=-=-=
[Ritual scene deleted due to length and scenes inappropriate to be viewed by anyone who wishes to retain their dinner.]
After washing off the penguin blood, Lisa Bonet put her clothes back on, "That should do it. You can keep the Partridge Family, and the pear tree."
-=-=-=-=-=
"....and in the Underage Magic Office were found the remains of a 50 foot high penguin. All records were destroyed. Another such penguin was found in the ruins of the Headmaster's office of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."
"Now, in other news: Mr. S.E. Goat was found dead after he had apparently managed to rip off his own buttocks bare-handed causing him to bleed to death. Found in his colon were items ranging from a hampster coated in elderberry sauce, a cup, 2 girls, and a 1957 Cadillac painted bright pink. The cosmetics agent was too traumatized to speak with authorities....."
(((((((((((((((((
For those hoplessly confused:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBMEZvZSWFQ
http://www.oddfilms.com/movies/voodoo/ (Do NOT watch the movie!!! I wish I never had.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOiKa51ll-k
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4j1paMC5SM
http://www.nypartynews.com/Gerbil.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9V7zbWNznbs
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shock_site
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Kay
))))))))))))))))))
"So that's how V....You-Know-Who keeps finding us, despite us camping in the woods?" asked Ron after Harry had nudged him awake.
"That's what I just SAID, Ronald!" fumed Hermione.
"So how do we get rid of that parchment? We can't raid the Ministry again, because we're out of Polyjuice, and they've tightened up security." asked Harry tiredly.
Since the discussion had obviously gone beyond his territories of Quidditch, chess, and food Ron had gone back to listening to his iPod. He unconsciously began quietly humming along.
5 minutes later, after many ideas were discarded, Ron accidentally started SINGING along.... "Oo-ee-oo-ah-ah, ting, tang, walla, walla, bing, bang...."
The other two rounded on Ron. "Aren't you paying attention, Ron?!? Give me that! You can have it back after the discussion is over." said Hermione, holding out her hand for the offending item.
Harry went blank for a second, then said, "That's IT! How about Voodoo?"
-=-=-=-=
[Ritual scene deleted due to length and scenes inappropriate to be viewed by anyone who wishes to retain their dinner.]
After washing off the penguin blood, Lisa Bonet put her clothes back on, "That should do it. You can keep the Partridge Family, and the pear tree."
-=-=-=-=-=
"....and in the Underage Magic Office were found the remains of a 50 foot high penguin. All records were destroyed. Another such penguin was found in the ruins of the Headmaster's office of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."
"Now, in other news: Mr. S.E. Goat was found dead after he had apparently managed to rip off his own buttocks bare-handed causing him to bleed to death. Found in his colon were items ranging from a hampster coated in elderberry sauce, a cup, 2 girls, and a 1957 Cadillac painted bright pink. The cosmetics agent was too traumatized to speak with authorities....."
(((((((((((((((((
For those hoplessly confused:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBMEZvZSWFQ
http://www.oddfilms.com/movies/voodoo/ (Do NOT watch the movie!!! I wish I never had.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOiKa51ll-k
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4j1paMC5SM
http://www.nypartynews.com/Gerbil.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9V7zbWNznbs
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shock_site
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Kay
))))))))))))))))))