I can't quit you!
Oh, hello! Have I met you before? I suppose I have, and I've simply been avoiding telling anyone anything here.
I was mulling over my experiences over the last few years with running and staying fit and healthy. The first years I started running were easy. Easy in the sense that I enjoyed it, despite sweating, aching and wondering if I'd ever break the 3 mile barrier. Training for my first half was fun and I wasn't very stressed. The actual half itself was grueling and lonely, as I ran it alone and I was pregnant at the time.
Then Helena came, and I took a year off and started on a slow crawl back to running. And this time it was... just horrible. I had moments where it was fun and joyful, and I cranked back up to speed and distance a lot faster than being a beginner starting from scratch.
But I didn't enjoy the training as much. I've pinned it down to a general sense of feeling like I really shouldn't be committing the time to doing this, that I was abandoning my family, and that everyone resented the time training took me away. As a result, I didn't train as well as I should have, and I didn't perform as well as I'd like at Myrtle Beach.
Afterwards, I decided to take a few months off, and I hate it. I want to be out there again, running and training for the next thing. I miss it like I'd miss my lungs, but when I think about starting to get out there again for 2-3 days a week, I don't feel like I'm allowed the time to do it and that it's a huge inconvenience to everyone.
I don't want to give up now. I've come such a long way from someone who said "Oh, I'd never be a runner! Are you kidding?!" to someone who has done several 10 milers, countless 5Ks and 2 half marathons. But I haven't yet finished a half marathon where I had that happy runner's high. I've felt... isolated and I've hurt and I've been sad at the end. I'm proud of my accomplishment, but it's like there's nothing else there and that this is my own selfish desire.
I was mulling over my experiences over the last few years with running and staying fit and healthy. The first years I started running were easy. Easy in the sense that I enjoyed it, despite sweating, aching and wondering if I'd ever break the 3 mile barrier. Training for my first half was fun and I wasn't very stressed. The actual half itself was grueling and lonely, as I ran it alone and I was pregnant at the time.
Then Helena came, and I took a year off and started on a slow crawl back to running. And this time it was... just horrible. I had moments where it was fun and joyful, and I cranked back up to speed and distance a lot faster than being a beginner starting from scratch.
But I didn't enjoy the training as much. I've pinned it down to a general sense of feeling like I really shouldn't be committing the time to doing this, that I was abandoning my family, and that everyone resented the time training took me away. As a result, I didn't train as well as I should have, and I didn't perform as well as I'd like at Myrtle Beach.
Afterwards, I decided to take a few months off, and I hate it. I want to be out there again, running and training for the next thing. I miss it like I'd miss my lungs, but when I think about starting to get out there again for 2-3 days a week, I don't feel like I'm allowed the time to do it and that it's a huge inconvenience to everyone.
I don't want to give up now. I've come such a long way from someone who said "Oh, I'd never be a runner! Are you kidding?!" to someone who has done several 10 milers, countless 5Ks and 2 half marathons. But I haven't yet finished a half marathon where I had that happy runner's high. I've felt... isolated and I've hurt and I've been sad at the end. I'm proud of my accomplishment, but it's like there's nothing else there and that this is my own selfish desire.