Ready to go
I am ready to quit working at the metal shop.
I am ready to dress handsomely and walk around with a smile on my face. I am ready to wear Birkenstocks and silly hats in public without feeling like I'm begging for attention. I am ready to not dread waking up, and to not come home tired, grimy, drenched in sweat, covered with cuts and burns. I'm ready to have conversation that doesn't involve cars or work. I'm ready to stop listening to country music. I'm ready to stop hearing racist jokes. I'm ready to have non-competitive friendships, friendships which don't involve getting under each others' skin for sport. I'm ready to be lazy. I'm ready to be cheerful. I'm ready to not be the youngest, smartest, and most incompetent person in the room.
I'm ready to sleep in a used bed in a small room. I'm ready to bitch about not having enough quarters. I'm ready to eat hummus and tofu, to drink expensive beer and cheap vodka. I'm ready to read without feeling wierd, ready to discuss, passionately, books I have no intention of reading. I'm ready to perform actions which yield no concrete effects. I'm ready to stay out all night doing nothing, with beautiful girls I have no designs on, with able men I need nothing from. I'm ready to break into churches, smoke opium, steal oranges, fall off of bicycles, eat candy out of trash cans, accept rides from strangers, drink too much too early, stress about friendships, stress about my future, stress about nothing. I'm ready to worry. I'm ready to get some use of my old personality, becase not discarding it this summer hasn't done me a lot of good.
I'm ready, clearly, to go back to school.
I'm ready to be indebted.
I am ready to dress handsomely and walk around with a smile on my face. I am ready to wear Birkenstocks and silly hats in public without feeling like I'm begging for attention. I am ready to not dread waking up, and to not come home tired, grimy, drenched in sweat, covered with cuts and burns. I'm ready to have conversation that doesn't involve cars or work. I'm ready to stop listening to country music. I'm ready to stop hearing racist jokes. I'm ready to have non-competitive friendships, friendships which don't involve getting under each others' skin for sport. I'm ready to be lazy. I'm ready to be cheerful. I'm ready to not be the youngest, smartest, and most incompetent person in the room.
I'm ready to sleep in a used bed in a small room. I'm ready to bitch about not having enough quarters. I'm ready to eat hummus and tofu, to drink expensive beer and cheap vodka. I'm ready to read without feeling wierd, ready to discuss, passionately, books I have no intention of reading. I'm ready to perform actions which yield no concrete effects. I'm ready to stay out all night doing nothing, with beautiful girls I have no designs on, with able men I need nothing from. I'm ready to break into churches, smoke opium, steal oranges, fall off of bicycles, eat candy out of trash cans, accept rides from strangers, drink too much too early, stress about friendships, stress about my future, stress about nothing. I'm ready to worry. I'm ready to get some use of my old personality, becase not discarding it this summer hasn't done me a lot of good.
I'm ready, clearly, to go back to school.
I'm ready to be indebted.