Mandypants: My platonic heterosexual life partner.
A few days have passed without incident other than the fact that snowmageddon decended and I will likely be unable to return home for xmas. That being said, Saturday was filled with whimsy, for no other reason than that the rev. Mandypants was present to reaffirm my staunch belief in humanity and female hilarity.
Excerpts: (paraphrased)
(The morning after Allison's birthday at my house)
Mandy: "Do you have any advil I can snort?" (then, without missing a beat..) "Wait a minute. What is this on my pants? Cum? Who did this? Why is it localized in the ankle area?"
Me: "I...don't know."
"Is this a repeat of 2005? Where I woke up topless with you sleeping next to me?"
"Is it cum or...vomit..."
"There are chunks. Let's investigate. I'll have you know I read nothing but Agatha Christie. And that's a fact."
In the bathroom we found more vomit, blood and what Mandy dubbed "toilet mousse".
Unable to surmise the source of the substance, my thoughts turned to delicious Vincenzo's breakfast, what with their complimentary baked beans.
Mandy: "Do you remember the last time we went there? And you placed an order then callously said to the waitress..."BYE."
Me: "Yes. Then I told her you were too brutally hungover to eat."
(Looking to the parking lot)
Me: "My car is blocked in. But I'm hungry."
Mandy: "Well. Here are someone's keys. Let's go."
Me: "But...whose car IS it?"
Mandy: "God. We're young and we're drunk. We'll take whatever car we want."
Fastforward to hanging out with my parents. Mandy wanted to make crafts.
Mandy: "What would you like T? I'm making a jewelery box."
Me: "Just paint me a sea cucumber."
(minutes later)
Me:"Umm.. youre like a shit midas."
Then this morning.
Mandy: "I think I have low testosterone."
Me: "Probably. I'm way more hairy"
Mandy: "What was that? Did your balls just distend from your taint?"
Excerpts: (paraphrased)
(The morning after Allison's birthday at my house)
Mandy: "Do you have any advil I can snort?" (then, without missing a beat..) "Wait a minute. What is this on my pants? Cum? Who did this? Why is it localized in the ankle area?"
Me: "I...don't know."
"Is this a repeat of 2005? Where I woke up topless with you sleeping next to me?"
"Is it cum or...vomit..."
"There are chunks. Let's investigate. I'll have you know I read nothing but Agatha Christie. And that's a fact."
In the bathroom we found more vomit, blood and what Mandy dubbed "toilet mousse".
Unable to surmise the source of the substance, my thoughts turned to delicious Vincenzo's breakfast, what with their complimentary baked beans.
Mandy: "Do you remember the last time we went there? And you placed an order then callously said to the waitress..."BYE."
Me: "Yes. Then I told her you were too brutally hungover to eat."
(Looking to the parking lot)
Me: "My car is blocked in. But I'm hungry."
Mandy: "Well. Here are someone's keys. Let's go."
Me: "But...whose car IS it?"
Mandy: "God. We're young and we're drunk. We'll take whatever car we want."
Fastforward to hanging out with my parents. Mandy wanted to make crafts.
Mandy: "What would you like T? I'm making a jewelery box."
Me: "Just paint me a sea cucumber."
(minutes later)
Me:"Umm.. youre like a shit midas."
Then this morning.
Mandy: "I think I have low testosterone."
Me: "Probably. I'm way more hairy"
Mandy: "What was that? Did your balls just distend from your taint?"