(no subject)
the best feelings in the world all come from numbers. I'm not talking about
math, I'm not even talking advanced chemistry and I'm not going to ask
to graph a chart but I'm talking simple numbers. I'm talking things that
a purple vampire could teach you on the right T.V. station at the right
time in the morning -- and I'm talking about those Best Feelings where
you feel your stomach jump, I'm talking about those best feelings that
give you tingling sensations through your whole body from your
fingertips down to your toes like the first time you took off away from
your parents as a kid, and you stayed out in the rain and the world was
different and it was exciting and even if you had bandaids on your knees
and a stomach set on PB&J, for right then you were set and
you didn't need anything else in the whole world. Over time we forget
the feeling, and we grow up. Peeling off bandaids, napkins instead of
sleeves, and I'll be damned if I miss a bath or shower one night, let
alone try to keep away from them. So I think somewhere along the way we
lose that tingling sensation, that world changing rainy day sensation,
but I think there are ways to get it back.
1
: "Hello"--So my
numbers break down into words and I get that first tingly sensation when
I first see her lips move. And the way they're that perfect color of
pink and the way they look so soft & I know she has a thing for
watching the way people talk but I'm just standing there blinking while
I watch her lips move as if she's forming complicated words bought with
a PhD and she's working around the syllables, but it's just one word but
it's a start and it's a start to my heart. The jumping feeling.
2
:"Kiss me"--And this
one isn't just the words but the way she says it. With her fingertips
brushed light along my neck and that feeling you get when all your
breath is caught up. They're the words that make the world fade out and
all the colors run together, they're the words that start to bring you
closer and when your lips meet it's something else entirely. You're in
another world entirely and that moment is the greatest thing you could
ever expect, and it passes everything you'd ever hoped for, and you kiss
again and it's better.
3
:"I love you"--She
tells me this and I can't stop grinning. I'm a kid in a candy shop, I'm
an astronaut on the moon, I'm a sailor on a boat, I'm just where I want
to be right then with my feet planted firmly on the ground and I don't
even know where my head was. They're the words that make you forget
about that old tingling sensation and give you the new feeling like all
the energy inside of your body has just condensed into one point and it
makes you want to jump up and down and it makes you want to shout out to
the world, and it makes you want to suddenly break down because you've
never felt more comfortable and you've never felt more completely able
to break down and worry about all the things you could never worry about
to other people before.
The words have grown since then,
and we've skipped digits and we've lost count somewhere at 3AM on the
phone while we wait for the sun to come up. But these feelings never
change, and these days I just wish more and more that I could be holding
her whenever I want to be home, whenever I'm feeling alone, whenever I
need to just be.
And you know. My heart still beats faster when she walks into the room
& my breath still gets caught when she mentions my name & I
still get that funny panicky feeling you get when you first fall in love
that you just want to shout it out at the top of your lungs because you
can't contain the emotion anymore--
"I LOVE YOU"