This particular entry is going out to someone...
I knew what I was getting myself into last night. Maybe the out come of the night was the whole reason I wanted to see you? I'm not sure yet. I don't think I got the wrong idea. I'm not sure what idea I got. Even though we just sat around Tiki for a few hours, it was fun for me. Watching you play pool. I looked at you and Steve was sitting next to me and I was like "dude, what am i gonna do? i love that kid." I told my sister I said that too. She was surprised because for the longest time I said that I didn't believe in love. While watching you last night, I realized how much I do love you. I remembered how good it felt to have your arm around me. To be used as a pillow. To just sit there and play with your hair. I don't know what to do. I'm scared about when you leave for military school. I don't want you to go but I do. I'm scared of 22 weeks without talking to you. I know I can do it, I've done it before, but I don't want to. You warned me that kissing you would only drive me crazy. But I didn't care at the time. I just wanted to kiss you. I still don't really care. I'll let myself go crazy. Who knows how long I'll be able to take it. But I'll let myself go crazy. It felt like the first kiss all over again. I wanted to walk the 6 miles back to your house just to kiss you all over again and just lay there next to you. Looking back on the first night we kissed, I feel bad because I felt like I was flying just from kissing you, and I didn't know that John liked me. But shit happens. And I felt like I was flying last night all over again. Yesterday just thinking about seeing you gave me butterflies. Even after 3 years. Tonight when I called, my heart started pounding and I was wondering how I was going to be able to even talk, but I made it through. I don't know what to do. I love you. I always have and always will. And like I told you, I was being serious too. Even in 5 years, if you think the time is right, all you have to do is tell me and I can almost promise you even if I'm engaged or what not, I'll leave him for you. I don't know why, but I just have that feeling. I'll make sure that no matter where I live, you'll know my address and or number. Plus you got the capibilities of finding me. I better go though. I love you.