(no subject)
Sometimes I make myself think every effort I make to better myself is a me trying to get back some kind of "old me" that I much preferred. Even now while I acknowledge that it's stupid because I think I've always strived for this "old me" (which means it either doesn't exist or I'm just consistently sucking more as time passes), I still sort of believe in it.
This fall all my friends are going to leave. It just feels way heavier than it was all the other times. Even Hitchings might be going again. That's so many people that a large part of my getting by day to day can be attributed to. Is it just gonna be me, Trix and Bill again? The two of them are so tied up in their own shit.
Maybe I need to get tied up in my shit.
But I'm awfully happy most of the time.
I think I've got a way better grasp on what's good for me than I ever have. I'm thrilled with how clear my head's felt lately, and the decisions I've made over these past few months. I've eliminated a whole bunch of dead weight in my life, and I'm certainly better off for it.
Beyond that, being creative again, and having it not feel like work has been fantastic. I love playing music more than I have in ages and I've very rarely been as proud of something as I am the stuff I've worked on with Natoli and Trix. Can't wait to show everyone. It's really fast, haha.
I had two conversations in the past couple weeks that did wonders for me.
One of them was a kind of argument with someone, who told me I don't treat her like a friend. Immediately people started coming to mind that made me think she could be right about me, I've been being really selfish to people that care a pretty good deal about me. The funny thing is she wasn't one of those people that came to mind.
I talked to someone last night on the phone until almost 3:30 in the morning. The entire point of the conversation was to make them feel better, and in the end I think if anything it ended up being more of a therapeutic thing for me than it was for them.
Thank you Jamie.
all for now. I watched Heathers last night. That movie's crazy.
This fall all my friends are going to leave. It just feels way heavier than it was all the other times. Even Hitchings might be going again. That's so many people that a large part of my getting by day to day can be attributed to. Is it just gonna be me, Trix and Bill again? The two of them are so tied up in their own shit.
Maybe I need to get tied up in my shit.
But I'm awfully happy most of the time.
I think I've got a way better grasp on what's good for me than I ever have. I'm thrilled with how clear my head's felt lately, and the decisions I've made over these past few months. I've eliminated a whole bunch of dead weight in my life, and I'm certainly better off for it.
Beyond that, being creative again, and having it not feel like work has been fantastic. I love playing music more than I have in ages and I've very rarely been as proud of something as I am the stuff I've worked on with Natoli and Trix. Can't wait to show everyone. It's really fast, haha.
I had two conversations in the past couple weeks that did wonders for me.
One of them was a kind of argument with someone, who told me I don't treat her like a friend. Immediately people started coming to mind that made me think she could be right about me, I've been being really selfish to people that care a pretty good deal about me. The funny thing is she wasn't one of those people that came to mind.
I talked to someone last night on the phone until almost 3:30 in the morning. The entire point of the conversation was to make them feel better, and in the end I think if anything it ended up being more of a therapeutic thing for me than it was for them.
Thank you Jamie.
all for now. I watched Heathers last night. That movie's crazy.