[Insert appropriate title here]

[troubledchild18]

I can't get the song "My Immortal" out of my head. I wanna figure out a way to put the song on my xanga. It's like my favorite song by them. It used to be October, but this is way better. But yeah, anyway, I like it. I was occupying myself by making a new layout. Maybe I'll figure out a way to do the same for my livejournal and my myspace. But there aren't a lot of layouts for myspace of LJ for some reason. I'm kinda hurt today, but I am going to try to be optomistic and see why the reason I'm in pain is a good thing. Though, it's gonna be hard to. But I am sure I can. Although I don't know how I am going to keep them in my life...it depends on how they treat me. I don't even feel like their friend. They seem so ashamed of me. By the way, fuck anyone who has a problem with this entry...you hate me, so why waste your precious time reading my journal? It's mine and I'm no longer limiting what I'm writing in it. Whatever. Anyway, I digress. But yeah, it seems like they're ashamed to be my friend or something. I mean, am I that horrible? Or maybe there's another side to it. I don't know. I do know though, that I'm really sick of letting myself get stepped on, spit on, and thrown away. I mean more than that, and I deserve better than that. I deserve to be loved, cared for, treated with respect...though I never seem to get that. I love and love and love, and care for people, listen to their problems, give them advice, give them my shoulder to cry on, give them hugs, kisses, and my heart. And I give them my trust. Friends and the like. Relationships. Lovers. Everyone. But everyone...excuse me....most abuse my friendship and my love. Sometimes not everyone does, and sometimes people do show affection to me and return to me what I give them and do the same for me. But many take it for granted, and use me, then toss me away when they don't need me. And knowing me, when they need me again, I'm there regardless...only to be tossed out again. Like a used paper towel. Why do I let myself be treated so? *sigh* Do I have no respect for myself? Maybe. That's all for now. I'll add more later.

Grrrr....this new layout takes FOREVER to load completely! My entries are like, half not there for the first minute or so. EW >