(no subject)
this is it. i have posted the majority of this before.. go on tell me it's shit. but it's the end for me and it's a new one but... yes too much red wine? yes. love you all. apart from the rubbish ones. x
i dare you to look at them one at a time.
i do... then i worry that it might be true...
'San Sebastian, Summer '02'
'Paris, Summer '02'
'View from bed, the beach, Alicante, Spain, Summer '03'
'when i first sat with him in the porch of his tent, holding hands under the sleeping bag, he told me that he was going travelling to thailand & australia and i said 'wow' and fell further into him. he invited me along. i sometimes wonder what would've happened if i'd dropped life and gone. but i didn't, and now one of the things that brought us together means that i'm in london, more alone than ever, and he's in sydney, 10500 miles away.'
our goldfish died.
there's not a part of his face that i haven't kissed. i asked him once if he thought there was. he said he wasn't sure, but maybe the bit by the top of his nose, in the corner of his eye. so i kissed him there, both sides.
there's not a part of his face that i haven't kissed.
we used to go to bed, say goodbye and meet again under the covers ('hello! where did you come from?!'). we used to lie together, the full length of our bodies touching, legs and feet entwined. i once asked if he thought we could get any closer and
he kissed me.
'gingerbread houses for gingerbread men, Barcelona '02'
my secret...
number one...
'but if we're all looking for the same thing then why is it so hard to find?'
what i want from my man: honesty + hugs.
is that too much to ask? why am i made to feel like it is? my last man had one of the two, he gave me hugs day or night. i was so grateful for having one of the two that i never said anything about the lack of honesty, for fear of losing the hugs. in the end (after two years) all of his lies caught up with him, and we split up. everyone thought i was stupid when they found out that i'd known about the lies and said nothing. god knows what they'd think if they knew i'd take him back, forgive him everything, just so he could hold me again.
what hurts most is that he wouldn't want me back, he'd never fight for me.
on a good day i think i deserve better, on a bad day i know i don't. i do. i do. i do. i do. i do. i do. i do. (repeat to fade)(apparently i'm not supposed to write this, to say this, despite the fact that it's true and i'm not the only one.)
last night in bed i had a moment where i thought i was someone else or me or i didn't know who me was... i had people running through my head and with each new name my heart skipped a beat and i struggled to catch my breath... it was like the universe just shifted for a second and everything was different and nothing mattered yet everything mattered and although it was hazy (it was as if, when the universe shifted, the shutter speed was on slow), i'd never seen so clearly.
13-08-05
we can't rewind
'i have done nothing today apart from lie in bed, speak on the phone, lie in bed, lie in the bath, wank, watch old afternoon movies and cricket. hangovers suck, but they also kinda rule.'
i dare you to look at them one at a time.
i do... then i worry that it might be true...
'San Sebastian, Summer '02'
'Paris, Summer '02'
'View from bed, the beach, Alicante, Spain, Summer '03'
'when i first sat with him in the porch of his tent, holding hands under the sleeping bag, he told me that he was going travelling to thailand & australia and i said 'wow' and fell further into him. he invited me along. i sometimes wonder what would've happened if i'd dropped life and gone. but i didn't, and now one of the things that brought us together means that i'm in london, more alone than ever, and he's in sydney, 10500 miles away.'
our goldfish died.
there's not a part of his face that i haven't kissed. i asked him once if he thought there was. he said he wasn't sure, but maybe the bit by the top of his nose, in the corner of his eye. so i kissed him there, both sides.
there's not a part of his face that i haven't kissed.
we used to go to bed, say goodbye and meet again under the covers ('hello! where did you come from?!'). we used to lie together, the full length of our bodies touching, legs and feet entwined. i once asked if he thought we could get any closer and
he kissed me.
'gingerbread houses for gingerbread men, Barcelona '02'
my secret...
number one...
'but if we're all looking for the same thing then why is it so hard to find?'
what i want from my man: honesty + hugs.
is that too much to ask? why am i made to feel like it is? my last man had one of the two, he gave me hugs day or night. i was so grateful for having one of the two that i never said anything about the lack of honesty, for fear of losing the hugs. in the end (after two years) all of his lies caught up with him, and we split up. everyone thought i was stupid when they found out that i'd known about the lies and said nothing. god knows what they'd think if they knew i'd take him back, forgive him everything, just so he could hold me again.
what hurts most is that he wouldn't want me back, he'd never fight for me.
on a good day i think i deserve better, on a bad day i know i don't. i do. i do. i do. i do. i do. i do. i do. (repeat to fade)(apparently i'm not supposed to write this, to say this, despite the fact that it's true and i'm not the only one.)
last night in bed i had a moment where i thought i was someone else or me or i didn't know who me was... i had people running through my head and with each new name my heart skipped a beat and i struggled to catch my breath... it was like the universe just shifted for a second and everything was different and nothing mattered yet everything mattered and although it was hazy (it was as if, when the universe shifted, the shutter speed was on slow), i'd never seen so clearly.
13-08-05
we can't rewind
'i have done nothing today apart from lie in bed, speak on the phone, lie in bed, lie in the bath, wank, watch old afternoon movies and cricket. hangovers suck, but they also kinda rule.'