So I'm just a few months short of visiting again a year later.
Wow....so now I can tell myself what has happened.
Summer was pretty good. There was not enough Porter. No Swedes...I dunno what the hell I was thinking. I spent a lot of time doing CRAZY things with my friends. I had a lot of fun. It was awesome. I wish I could recall something more specific but I really can't. Oh well...I flipped the car...I remember that specifically. I just know I went to the lake a lot and I worked. Work sucked. I spent as much time as I could with Porter but that didn't always work out like planned. Once he was here and had to leave because of some trouble. Then once I went to his aunt's house and ended up staying the night becuase of a storm...so
So then school came. I did the whole marching band thing. It sucked. I really didn't think it could get much worse. But I was wrong. So I decided to quit band and not do winterguard which I am really happy about. I have spent quite a few weekend with Porter and things are good. I have learned that I have a really big problem with jealousy. I had a dream last night that he cheated on me. It really sucked. Put me in a bad mood right at the beginning of the day. I also had a dream that someone was trying to kill me by locking me up in an apartment room and feeding me some deadly gas. Weird. Well I'm lame and stuff so I looked up what my dreams meant.
To dream that your mate, spouse, or significant other is cheating on you, indicates your fears of being abandoned. You may feel a lack of attention in the relationship. Alternatively, you may feel that you are not measuring up to the expectations of others. This notion may stem from issues of trust or self-esteem.
I don't want to believe in all that crap, but there is some truth in that. I value my relationship with Porter a lot. It is more important to me than anything...and I am afraid of losing that. I am afraid of being abandoned...maybe not just by him but by my friends too. Reciently I have felt a "lack of attention" which I tell myself is stupid..but I really can't help it. I don't want to become needy...but I think I might be becoming more of a girl. "Alternatively, you may feel that you are not measuring up to the expectations of others." Maybe.....I could see that. I find myself feeling like I need to change. I have no idea why. I think that I don't really have issues with trust I just don't want anything else to get fucked up when it comes to my relationships with people. So I am really protective of not necessicarly him..just us. Im just scared. If such an awesome group of friends could get ruined so easy...anything else can too. So you have to be careful about the things you say and do and the decisions you make. Think things through. Don't take things for granted.
To dream of your own death, indicates a transitional phase in your life. You are becoming more enlightened or spiritual. Alternatively, you are trying desperately to escape the demands of your daily life.
Yeah, whatever...
So I apparently thought that I would be going to St. Louis. I was wrong. I'm going to UofA in Fayetteville. I hope things are okay.
I can see that I was happy about Porter. At that time I had been going out with him for like 20 days or so. It has been 10 months. I am still happy. More happy.
Nicole and Amber. Yeah. There is so much there, I don't feel like typing about it.
Life Lessons I Have Learned:
1. Don't take things for granted..especially the people that are important to you.
2. Think long and hard about the decisions you make. You never know what can come from them.
3. Time really means a lot. In so many ways.
4. People define "friend" differently. It's good to just keep that in mind.
5. There is something good that you can bring to any situation.
6. It is nice to find a few things that you really value about life and cling to them...it helps out in times of trouble.
7. Cops suck.
8. It is probably not a good idea to skip school.
9. College is harder to deal with than most people think.
10. Don't judge people. You are probably SO wrong about them...
11. Trust is hard but it is important.
12. Treasure every moment. EVERYTHING.
13. When things seem really good...don't get your hopes up.
14. Love is crazy awesome.
15. You can learn something about yourself in everything you do.
Summer was pretty good. There was not enough Porter. No Swedes...I dunno what the hell I was thinking. I spent a lot of time doing CRAZY things with my friends. I had a lot of fun. It was awesome. I wish I could recall something more specific but I really can't. Oh well...I flipped the car...I remember that specifically. I just know I went to the lake a lot and I worked. Work sucked. I spent as much time as I could with Porter but that didn't always work out like planned. Once he was here and had to leave because of some trouble. Then once I went to his aunt's house and ended up staying the night becuase of a storm...so
So then school came. I did the whole marching band thing. It sucked. I really didn't think it could get much worse. But I was wrong. So I decided to quit band and not do winterguard which I am really happy about. I have spent quite a few weekend with Porter and things are good. I have learned that I have a really big problem with jealousy. I had a dream last night that he cheated on me. It really sucked. Put me in a bad mood right at the beginning of the day. I also had a dream that someone was trying to kill me by locking me up in an apartment room and feeding me some deadly gas. Weird. Well I'm lame and stuff so I looked up what my dreams meant.
To dream that your mate, spouse, or significant other is cheating on you, indicates your fears of being abandoned. You may feel a lack of attention in the relationship. Alternatively, you may feel that you are not measuring up to the expectations of others. This notion may stem from issues of trust or self-esteem.
I don't want to believe in all that crap, but there is some truth in that. I value my relationship with Porter a lot. It is more important to me than anything...and I am afraid of losing that. I am afraid of being abandoned...maybe not just by him but by my friends too. Reciently I have felt a "lack of attention" which I tell myself is stupid..but I really can't help it. I don't want to become needy...but I think I might be becoming more of a girl. "Alternatively, you may feel that you are not measuring up to the expectations of others." Maybe.....I could see that. I find myself feeling like I need to change. I have no idea why. I think that I don't really have issues with trust I just don't want anything else to get fucked up when it comes to my relationships with people. So I am really protective of not necessicarly him..just us. Im just scared. If such an awesome group of friends could get ruined so easy...anything else can too. So you have to be careful about the things you say and do and the decisions you make. Think things through. Don't take things for granted.
To dream of your own death, indicates a transitional phase in your life. You are becoming more enlightened or spiritual. Alternatively, you are trying desperately to escape the demands of your daily life.
Yeah, whatever...
So I apparently thought that I would be going to St. Louis. I was wrong. I'm going to UofA in Fayetteville. I hope things are okay.
I can see that I was happy about Porter. At that time I had been going out with him for like 20 days or so. It has been 10 months. I am still happy. More happy.
Nicole and Amber. Yeah. There is so much there, I don't feel like typing about it.
Life Lessons I Have Learned:
1. Don't take things for granted..especially the people that are important to you.
2. Think long and hard about the decisions you make. You never know what can come from them.
3. Time really means a lot. In so many ways.
4. People define "friend" differently. It's good to just keep that in mind.
5. There is something good that you can bring to any situation.
6. It is nice to find a few things that you really value about life and cling to them...it helps out in times of trouble.
7. Cops suck.
8. It is probably not a good idea to skip school.
9. College is harder to deal with than most people think.
10. Don't judge people. You are probably SO wrong about them...
11. Trust is hard but it is important.
12. Treasure every moment. EVERYTHING.
13. When things seem really good...don't get your hopes up.
14. Love is crazy awesome.
15. You can learn something about yourself in everything you do.